12-27-2007, 10:29 PM
(NurseAnn8 and Quiet Pirate approach Concert Hall)
NA8
Excuse me, sir. We won these tickets and were wondering
if you can lead us in the right direction?
JACK
“Noobie?”
QP
Why yes, how did you know that we were new to Deppville?
JACK (making hand gesture)
Always can smell a noobie. Smell like cinnamon.
You really should get better acquainted with Deppville.
I happen to have this lover-ly map drawling…
JL4
Jack! Stop bothering the new girls!
JACK
I wasn’t! I was just showing them me drawlings….
WILMOT
I believe Jack Sparrow, what I have will interest the
Noobies
JACK
That’s Captain Jack Sparrow and
What do you know about drawlings?
(Jack slaps his hand over JL’s eyes)
(hustles JL to safety)
WILMOT
Ladies, this way please. You will find your seats upstairs this month.
Noobie Section.
( New Hunnies hustle up the steps as Rochester watches)
LARALYNZY
Hey, wait for me! I had to stop at that
Great Depp pickle stand. Look…they fit perfectly
In you mouth.
(rushes past Wilmot for a seat upstairs)
(Turns to see SixGunMethod with her date)
“Ah, Lady SixGun. I heard you have been a bit amiss lately.”
6GM
Oh,my yes. Feel like I have been out in the country. No computer
and what not. But Corso here was kind enough to give me lessons
on his private pc. He calls it his 9th Gate-way. Here, let me show
you how we boot up.
CORSO
Sixy…no please…leave the hard drive alone. We’ll download later.
(Leads 6GM into Concert Hall)
AGGIE
I’m here!
WILMOT
I am well aware.
AGGIE
Well, I took a little road trip.
WILMOT
Ah, yes, of course. The Oregon Trail.
AGGIE
Well sort of. Went off the beaten track and ended up on the
Happy Trail! Yippe kay aye ya! Though he didn’t appreciate
the bowling shoes.
Still…made a perfect score, if you know what I mean?
But don’t tell Tommy. He hates when I others use my alley. LOL
WILMOT
Where is your fine young man of the law?
AGGIE
He’s working his nightstick…I mean night shift.
Will catch him later. See ya Johnny…don’t be pining for me.
WILMOT
I shall try to keep your image from rattling about.
IDZY (enters wearing dozen hair clips)
Hey, your Lordship. Mind helping me unload these
Cases of Jazz Pepsi?
WILMOT (giving hair clips once over)
Only if you help me to do the same.
IDZY
Oh? What is it you need to unload?
WILMOT
IDZY
:shock:
What about Chocolat?
WILMOT
What about the fair lady?
She helped me this morning.
(sits up)
Or are you asking her to join us?
IDZY
No..no…just curious that’s all.
(Giselle enters wearing MIAMI 2007 baseball cap)
GISELLE
Hi Idz. Here ya go. Bought you one too…Had a wonderful
Time.
IDZY
Thanks Giselle. Let me reward you with a cold one. Be
Right back.
GISELLE
Look Rochester. Got a tee-shirt for you.
(Unfolds shirt with saying:
Someone Went To A Concert And All I Got Was This Tee Shirt)
WILMOT
Please tell me you do not expect me to wear that?
GISELLE
Fine, if you don’t want it, give it back.
WILMOT
I didn’t take it in the first place.
Oh, Ellie. There you are. You look distraught, my love.
CHOCOLAT
I have lost m’waving hankie. Last I saw it was before last weekend.
I have no idea where it got to. Even my Magic 8 ball won’t give me
Answers. How can I wave from the carriage without it?
Giselle did you happen to see it?
GISELLE
Me? Hankie? Weekend? No…no…
I didn’t see it in Miami.
(memory flash back)
(slinks away)
WILMOT
No worries. I shall purchase you a new one. Come lets
Find our seats.
CHOCOLATE (eyeing in Giselle’s direction)
No one mentioned Miami.
IDZY (returns with cold Jazz Pepsi)
Hey where’d everyone go?
DUDE
There you are Babs. Say, haven’t been around much.
Sorry but I’ve missed your…what is it they called it?
Babspiping? Think you can do a lead-in song before the
Concert.
BABS
Sorry Dude. Seems I’ve misplaced m’pipes.
(looks over at ROUX)
What? Why the look?
ROUX
You misplaced them all right….right under the basement floor.
BABS
Never mind. Keep telling my secrets and I’ll find myself hooked
Up with Justin Timberlake.
ROUX
Hey Babs….
(BABS looks at Roux who flips hair)
Look…pony tail!
BABS
Alright alright! You got me at “hair flip” Damn, Timberlake
Will never have one of those!
IDZY (skipping through)
Pony? Pony? Someone say pony? Daddy I want a pony!
(skips to seat)
BABS (watching her skip away)
Gotta love her. Hey is that Ellie? Is she pouting?
JACK
yes, poor lass, lost her hankie.
ROUX
And you’d have nothing to do with that?
JACK
Are you accusing Ol’Jack of misdeeds?
GIBBS
He just be saying…thinking as it be, Jack.
C’mon, let’s go get a cold one at the Bells and
I not be thinkin’ that Jazzy stuff, if ye know what I mean.
(They pass by CROP and Sands)
One…..two…..three….
JACK
What are they doing?
GIBBS
Oh that? They be playing a new game.
‘Tis called “Pushing Crops Buttons” Ye see, he begins at
the first one…works his way around…getting the feel of
t’land, so t’speak…till he reaches the last one. Well,
not the last one…there be one more button…
but she being a lady and all, I not be saying which
button that gets pushed, if ye knows what I be saying.
(Jack and Gibbs leave Crop and Sands to their Button Game
bump into FANtasticJD with nose in book)
F-JD
Excuse me, sorry…there is just so much to read here…
so many stories, not enough time. Excuse me, have to
find my seat.
I’ve…I’ve never seen anything like them!
WILMA
Oh, these old things? Dress Johns. Do you like?
ED
They’re super Wilma! Can I touch ‘em? That would be swell!
(Wilma agrees..Ed begins touchy-feely, closing eyes)
Oh…nice…smooth…angora
WILMA (slapping hand away)
That wasn’t angora!
Excuse me while I go find a lap to sit on…
GUY WITH FEDORA
Hello Wilma,
I believe I have an empty lap.
(outside Concert Hall)
Little boy, why are you under me seat?
LITTLE BOY
A lady paid me to check y’pants
JAMES
Me pants? Why is that, lad?
LITTLE BOY
She wanted to know if y’got a second pair on beneath, or
do y’just roll down y’socks.
JAMES
Celine!
(Celine runs out from behind a tree…runs into Hall)
Me thinks I’ll have t’go have a stern talking to her.
NG to ICABOD
We have a problem in the changing rooms.
ICABOD
Lead the way
RUSTY
Let me come…I’ll bring the rum!
(ICH & Rusty follows NG…but not too closely)
RUSTY
Ha! Ha! Looks like you guys could use a swig!
(Rusty takes drink for rum, taunting the boys)
HANSON
Stop laughing Rusty…get us down!
RUSTY
I think we might need help. Let me go get Rum Guy.
Left him behind the sofa.
HANSON
Great, now we’ll never see her the rest of the night.
ICABOD (picking evidence off floor)
It’s an Ohio magnet…was this the doing of Vianne?
HANSON
Good eye Inspector! Yes…we came in here to
arrest Vianne but she was too quick and well..
you see what happened.
ICH
You had a warrant for Vianne? What charges?
HANSON
Cheek pinching and public giddiness.
(Ich reaches into Hanson’s pocket)
HANSON
Hey watch the pool pocket playing there Inspector!
ICH
Trust me Officer…I am not enjoying this
any more than you
Ah! Is this the warrant?
HANSON
It is. Are you going to arrest her?
(Special visitor enters Changing Room)
ICH
Oh, Mr. B. Take a look here.
MR.B
Looks like the work of a certain Ohioan…Ohioense? Ohionite?
What do they call them?
ICH
I just call her Vianne. Come on let’s go find her.
(leave Changing Room to cries of distressed undercover cops)
TRUDY
Oh My! Please Can Someone Help Me!
CRICKET
I’m here for you Trudy. What’s the problem.
TRUDY
It’s Pricesa…She Went And…Hey…What’s
Wrong With Your Front Tooth?
CRICKET (touching chipped tooth)
Oh this? Just trying to look French. Does it work?
TRUDY
Can’t Say Right Now. Pricesa! She Went Out Last
Night With The Pirate And Got Tattoed!
CRICKET
Yeah, I heard. Little Brave question mark…right here,
on her neck.
TRUDY
No No! I Mean She Really Got Tattoed..Look!
There She Is!
(Pricesa strolls by)
SMITTEN
Looks like Pricesa lost the debate with herself as to
getting tattooed. She might need to borrow my book
that I lent to Rusty earlier this month.
(shows Trudy and Cricket book title: Masterdebating for Dummies)
Works like a charm. Just take it chapter by chapter
JAMES NORRINGTON
I fear I am a chapter behind. Would you be so kind as
to bring me up to speed?
SMITTEN
Sorry Commadore, I only Masterdebate with myself…wait
did that come out right…
yes it did
oh thanks
no problem
CRICKET (flipping through book)
Hey, here’s a good chappie.
Pirates and their Cannons.
TRUDY
Oh! I Just Love Pirate Cannons! They Come With
Big Balls…Stop Laughing Cricket…Cannon Balls…
They Come With Cannon Balls
CRICKET
Yeah, Trudy, keep telling yourself that’s what you meant.
Maybe you should borrow this book too.
CONCERT HALL
Hunnies browse the concession stands
DEPPUTIZED
Oh, I’d like to buy that bumper sticker please.
(points to sticker: WHO THE F*** IS WANDA SYKES?)
FAVED
I have to admit ME, I don’t know who she is either. Been
busy with exams. Care to enlighten me?
ME
Yeah, I know where you’ve been busy…in that kitchen
with whats-his-name. Any way…I really don’t care who this
Sykes woman is. I just ran out of smoking papers.
Here Smokey…make me a ciggy.
SMOKEY
Not only will I roll it and lick it…I will try it first. Make sure
it is perfect for you ME
ME
Gotta love him, don’t you.
JENNY
Inspector! A moment of your time
I understand there’s two cases going on here today.
ICH
If you need a case, I think Idzy is the one
with the case of Jazz Pepsi.
JENNY
No, not those cases. I mean Choc’s missing hankie and
the warrant out for Vianne. Any comment. Hey, isn’t that
Wilmot’s carriage? Choc?
ICH
If you will excuse us, I was about to
question Ms. Chocolat concerning her missing hankie.
JENNY
Yeah, well if Wilmot finds out you been sniffing around
his lady…
ICH
Wilmot can put a sock in it.
CHOC
Oh! Socks! I got socks!
(Waves socks)
JENNY
Ellie, please. Be a lady.
ELLIE
Why are you being one today?
JENNY (ponders)
Uhmm…no. Fair enough. Okay Ich, proceed, but
don’t say I didn’t warn you.
(watches as Ich and Ellie drive off in carriage)
WILMOT
Was that my carriage?
JENNY
Yeah. ICHABOD is doing some investigation concerning
the missing hankie.
WILMOT
But I have already searched Ellie for it.
JENNY
If you say so. I also questioned
him about the Vianne arrest warrant.
WILMOT
Maybe I can help. I have it here. In my pocket.
(JENNY searches)
JENNY
Can’t find it.
WILMOT
Dig deeper
(JENNY pulls out paper)
Hey, this isn’t a warrant! This is a drawling.
WILMOT
My mistake.
(takes back drawing, mounts steed)
IF you’ll excuse me, I have a carriage to catch.
(Wilmot chases after carriage, passing by Pam’s Place…
where inside….)
SAM
Pamela, we’re going to miss the concert.
PAMELA
Hush, Sam. Those ears still need a little
polishing.
JOHNNYSGIRL
Auntie, I might be going to VA…see here, on the map?
FYA (grabs map, hands Steam Whistle to JG)
Hold that…but don’t drink. Let me see here.
What are they doing to us Cannucks? First we got to
figure out were Oregon is, now Virginia? Wasn’t that the
little girl who asked about Santa Claus?
Keep this up and I might just have to put these pointy
toe shoes up someone’ arse you know? In fact, NG is
always a fine open target…get it…ha ha!
(looks at JG who is looking innocently wide-eyed)
Oh forget it. You’re probably as bad as Debb.
Never know what day of the week it is.
Gimme back me amber gold…good girl. No, wait, or are
you the evil one? Never mind. Stop bothering me with
your questions. I got a crossy-legged guitar player
to find.
(JG watches Fanny wander off in her high heeled pointy toed
mutlucks)
JG (pouty)
She took my map...
MIROUX
No worries little one. Here have a pink rose.
JG
Thank you. So pretty.
MIROUX
Thanks. I call them my little Johnny Morale Boosters.
Now go off and find your seat.
Roses…get your Johnny roses…
“I’ll take one”
I was drawn to the beauty.
MIROUX
Yes, they are beautiful.
NAMASTE STRANGER
I was speaking of the lady. May I escort
you to your seat?
(MRX accepts)
LITTLEANGEl
Hello new person. Can I help you find the Noobie
section?
LADY FEMME
Oh, I’m not new. Just been MIA. I see lots has
been going on here in Deppville. Noticed the new
barber shop with the snack shoppe downstairs.
LITTLE ANGEL
(whispers)
Word of advice. Avoid the meat pies. Say, I’m still
assigned to the Noobie section, so I have to head upstairs
but would love to get together after the show. I gotta
go show StephanieF where to sit.
(each take their seats)
MOHO
Excuse, make way, Deppologist coming through.
JACK
What do Deppologist do?
MOHO (touching Jack’s compass)
They unlock things…
MORT
MoHo! Stop touching Jack’s compass
(drags MOHO away from JACK)
But I like it when they touch m’compass.
MPJ..aren’t you staying for the concert luv?
MPJ
I’ll be back Jack. Heading over to the Bells.
Winnie was a Bells-Virgin and well, sorry to say,
can’t get her out. I’ll be back quicker than you
can watch pit hair migrate.
(peeks over Jack’s shoulder)
By the way Jack…I think there’s a few
Hunnies that might be wanting to touch your
compass.
(Jack turns, smiling, expecting a few Hunnies..
smile disappears)
“Oh bugger!”
NG
Go on William..I know it’s your first time
but really, despite what Babs and them say,
the Hunnies don’t really bite.
(NG pushes William out to stage)
“Uhmm…welcome Hunnies…this is the February concert.”
(Runs off stage…out of Hall…across street to Bells)
“Give me something Jazzy”
IDZY
Sure…sure…got something new for you Billy Boy.
Here,buy Winnie and Jammies one too.
(back at the Hall Debb walks out on stage)
Welcome all. This month we have a special guest. He
requested that NG and I allow him to perform for all the special
Hunnies and we agreed. So with your blessing, I hope you give him
a Hearty Hunnie welcome and put your hands together for
our own Roux.
ROUX
Thank you Debb and NG. If we can turn down
the lights a bit,
I’d like to sing a little song orginially
performed by Kenny Chesney, something that speaks
to me and makes me realize, what a very lucky man I am.
It’s called “You Save Me.”
Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled,
my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here
'Cause when I'm a bullet
shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker
comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul
takes me
Baby you save me
It's hard lovin' a man
that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it,
I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
to save me from myself
You're the angel
that moves me like nobody else
And I thank God you do
'Cause when I'm a bullet
shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker
comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul
takes me
Baby you save me
I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love
When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me
When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me
Hunnies rocking back and forth, hand in air
waving hankies singing
"Baby, you save me..."
CURTAINS CLOSE
NG
Well, Roux that was a fine concert.
Thanks for coming.
Here's your lovely parting gift.
ROUX
Hmm..no thanks..
I think i got me eyes on something
a little sweeter..
BABS and Roux head for the boat
NG
Speaking of sweet...I think I got a little
special creme for someone.
DEBB
Let's go and fill my canolli!
"Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?
I thought I was doing a set after Roux?
Where'd everyone go?
Guess I'll just play by myself...hey
what's that on the floor?
Looks like a hankie....
See you all in March!
You Save Me
http://www.amazon.com/Road-Radio-Kenny-C...F8&s=music
NA8
Excuse me, sir. We won these tickets and were wondering
if you can lead us in the right direction?
JACK
“Noobie?”
QP
Why yes, how did you know that we were new to Deppville?
JACK (making hand gesture)
Always can smell a noobie. Smell like cinnamon.
You really should get better acquainted with Deppville.
I happen to have this lover-ly map drawling…
JL4
Jack! Stop bothering the new girls!
JACK
I wasn’t! I was just showing them me drawlings….
WILMOT
I believe Jack Sparrow, what I have will interest the
Noobies
JACK
That’s Captain Jack Sparrow and
What do you know about drawlings?
(Jack slaps his hand over JL’s eyes)
(hustles JL to safety)
WILMOT
Ladies, this way please. You will find your seats upstairs this month.
Noobie Section.
( New Hunnies hustle up the steps as Rochester watches)
LARALYNZY
Hey, wait for me! I had to stop at that
Great Depp pickle stand. Look…they fit perfectly
In you mouth.
(rushes past Wilmot for a seat upstairs)
(Turns to see SixGunMethod with her date)
“Ah, Lady SixGun. I heard you have been a bit amiss lately.”
6GM
Oh,my yes. Feel like I have been out in the country. No computer
and what not. But Corso here was kind enough to give me lessons
on his private pc. He calls it his 9th Gate-way. Here, let me show
you how we boot up.
CORSO
Sixy…no please…leave the hard drive alone. We’ll download later.
(Leads 6GM into Concert Hall)
AGGIE
I’m here!
WILMOT
I am well aware.
AGGIE
Well, I took a little road trip.
WILMOT
Ah, yes, of course. The Oregon Trail.
AGGIE
Well sort of. Went off the beaten track and ended up on the
Happy Trail! Yippe kay aye ya! Though he didn’t appreciate
the bowling shoes.
Still…made a perfect score, if you know what I mean?
But don’t tell Tommy. He hates when I others use my alley. LOL
WILMOT
Where is your fine young man of the law?
AGGIE
He’s working his nightstick…I mean night shift.
Will catch him later. See ya Johnny…don’t be pining for me.
WILMOT
I shall try to keep your image from rattling about.
IDZY (enters wearing dozen hair clips)
Hey, your Lordship. Mind helping me unload these
Cases of Jazz Pepsi?
WILMOT (giving hair clips once over)
Only if you help me to do the same.
IDZY
Oh? What is it you need to unload?
WILMOT
IDZY
:shock:
What about Chocolat?
WILMOT
What about the fair lady?
She helped me this morning.
(sits up)
Or are you asking her to join us?
IDZY
No..no…just curious that’s all.
(Giselle enters wearing MIAMI 2007 baseball cap)
GISELLE
Hi Idz. Here ya go. Bought you one too…Had a wonderful
Time.
IDZY
Thanks Giselle. Let me reward you with a cold one. Be
Right back.
GISELLE
Look Rochester. Got a tee-shirt for you.
(Unfolds shirt with saying:
Someone Went To A Concert And All I Got Was This Tee Shirt)
WILMOT
Please tell me you do not expect me to wear that?
GISELLE
Fine, if you don’t want it, give it back.
WILMOT
I didn’t take it in the first place.
Oh, Ellie. There you are. You look distraught, my love.
CHOCOLAT
I have lost m’waving hankie. Last I saw it was before last weekend.
I have no idea where it got to. Even my Magic 8 ball won’t give me
Answers. How can I wave from the carriage without it?
Giselle did you happen to see it?
GISELLE
Me? Hankie? Weekend? No…no…
I didn’t see it in Miami.
(memory flash back)
(slinks away)
WILMOT
No worries. I shall purchase you a new one. Come lets
Find our seats.
CHOCOLATE (eyeing in Giselle’s direction)
No one mentioned Miami.
IDZY (returns with cold Jazz Pepsi)
Hey where’d everyone go?
DUDE
There you are Babs. Say, haven’t been around much.
Sorry but I’ve missed your…what is it they called it?
Babspiping? Think you can do a lead-in song before the
Concert.
BABS
Sorry Dude. Seems I’ve misplaced m’pipes.
(looks over at ROUX)
What? Why the look?
ROUX
You misplaced them all right….right under the basement floor.
BABS
Never mind. Keep telling my secrets and I’ll find myself hooked
Up with Justin Timberlake.
ROUX
Hey Babs….
(BABS looks at Roux who flips hair)
Look…pony tail!
BABS
Alright alright! You got me at “hair flip” Damn, Timberlake
Will never have one of those!
IDZY (skipping through)
Pony? Pony? Someone say pony? Daddy I want a pony!
(skips to seat)
BABS (watching her skip away)
Gotta love her. Hey is that Ellie? Is she pouting?
JACK
yes, poor lass, lost her hankie.
ROUX
And you’d have nothing to do with that?
JACK
Are you accusing Ol’Jack of misdeeds?
GIBBS
He just be saying…thinking as it be, Jack.
C’mon, let’s go get a cold one at the Bells and
I not be thinkin’ that Jazzy stuff, if ye know what I mean.
(They pass by CROP and Sands)
One…..two…..three….
JACK
What are they doing?
GIBBS
Oh that? They be playing a new game.
‘Tis called “Pushing Crops Buttons” Ye see, he begins at
the first one…works his way around…getting the feel of
t’land, so t’speak…till he reaches the last one. Well,
not the last one…there be one more button…
but she being a lady and all, I not be saying which
button that gets pushed, if ye knows what I be saying.
(Jack and Gibbs leave Crop and Sands to their Button Game
bump into FANtasticJD with nose in book)
F-JD
Excuse me, sorry…there is just so much to read here…
so many stories, not enough time. Excuse me, have to
find my seat.
I’ve…I’ve never seen anything like them!
WILMA
Oh, these old things? Dress Johns. Do you like?
ED
They’re super Wilma! Can I touch ‘em? That would be swell!
(Wilma agrees..Ed begins touchy-feely, closing eyes)
Oh…nice…smooth…angora
WILMA (slapping hand away)
That wasn’t angora!
Excuse me while I go find a lap to sit on…
GUY WITH FEDORA
Hello Wilma,
I believe I have an empty lap.
(outside Concert Hall)
Little boy, why are you under me seat?
LITTLE BOY
A lady paid me to check y’pants
JAMES
Me pants? Why is that, lad?
LITTLE BOY
She wanted to know if y’got a second pair on beneath, or
do y’just roll down y’socks.
JAMES
Celine!
(Celine runs out from behind a tree…runs into Hall)
Me thinks I’ll have t’go have a stern talking to her.
NG to ICABOD
We have a problem in the changing rooms.
ICABOD
Lead the way
RUSTY
Let me come…I’ll bring the rum!
(ICH & Rusty follows NG…but not too closely)
RUSTY
Ha! Ha! Looks like you guys could use a swig!
(Rusty takes drink for rum, taunting the boys)
HANSON
Stop laughing Rusty…get us down!
RUSTY
I think we might need help. Let me go get Rum Guy.
Left him behind the sofa.
HANSON
Great, now we’ll never see her the rest of the night.
ICABOD (picking evidence off floor)
It’s an Ohio magnet…was this the doing of Vianne?
HANSON
Good eye Inspector! Yes…we came in here to
arrest Vianne but she was too quick and well..
you see what happened.
ICH
You had a warrant for Vianne? What charges?
HANSON
Cheek pinching and public giddiness.
(Ich reaches into Hanson’s pocket)
HANSON
Hey watch the pool pocket playing there Inspector!
ICH
Trust me Officer…I am not enjoying this
any more than you
Ah! Is this the warrant?
HANSON
It is. Are you going to arrest her?
(Special visitor enters Changing Room)
ICH
Oh, Mr. B. Take a look here.
MR.B
Looks like the work of a certain Ohioan…Ohioense? Ohionite?
What do they call them?
ICH
I just call her Vianne. Come on let’s go find her.
(leave Changing Room to cries of distressed undercover cops)
TRUDY
Oh My! Please Can Someone Help Me!
CRICKET
I’m here for you Trudy. What’s the problem.
TRUDY
It’s Pricesa…She Went And…Hey…What’s
Wrong With Your Front Tooth?
CRICKET (touching chipped tooth)
Oh this? Just trying to look French. Does it work?
TRUDY
Can’t Say Right Now. Pricesa! She Went Out Last
Night With The Pirate And Got Tattoed!
CRICKET
Yeah, I heard. Little Brave question mark…right here,
on her neck.
TRUDY
No No! I Mean She Really Got Tattoed..Look!
There She Is!
(Pricesa strolls by)
SMITTEN
Looks like Pricesa lost the debate with herself as to
getting tattooed. She might need to borrow my book
that I lent to Rusty earlier this month.
(shows Trudy and Cricket book title: Masterdebating for Dummies)
Works like a charm. Just take it chapter by chapter
JAMES NORRINGTON
I fear I am a chapter behind. Would you be so kind as
to bring me up to speed?
SMITTEN
Sorry Commadore, I only Masterdebate with myself…wait
did that come out right…
yes it did
oh thanks
no problem
CRICKET (flipping through book)
Hey, here’s a good chappie.
Pirates and their Cannons.
TRUDY
Oh! I Just Love Pirate Cannons! They Come With
Big Balls…Stop Laughing Cricket…Cannon Balls…
They Come With Cannon Balls
CRICKET
Yeah, Trudy, keep telling yourself that’s what you meant.
Maybe you should borrow this book too.
CONCERT HALL
Hunnies browse the concession stands
DEPPUTIZED
Oh, I’d like to buy that bumper sticker please.
(points to sticker: WHO THE F*** IS WANDA SYKES?)
FAVED
I have to admit ME, I don’t know who she is either. Been
busy with exams. Care to enlighten me?
ME
Yeah, I know where you’ve been busy…in that kitchen
with whats-his-name. Any way…I really don’t care who this
Sykes woman is. I just ran out of smoking papers.
Here Smokey…make me a ciggy.
SMOKEY
Not only will I roll it and lick it…I will try it first. Make sure
it is perfect for you ME
ME
Gotta love him, don’t you.
JENNY
Inspector! A moment of your time
I understand there’s two cases going on here today.
ICH
If you need a case, I think Idzy is the one
with the case of Jazz Pepsi.
JENNY
No, not those cases. I mean Choc’s missing hankie and
the warrant out for Vianne. Any comment. Hey, isn’t that
Wilmot’s carriage? Choc?
ICH
If you will excuse us, I was about to
question Ms. Chocolat concerning her missing hankie.
JENNY
Yeah, well if Wilmot finds out you been sniffing around
his lady…
ICH
Wilmot can put a sock in it.
CHOC
Oh! Socks! I got socks!
(Waves socks)
JENNY
Ellie, please. Be a lady.
ELLIE
Why are you being one today?
JENNY (ponders)
Uhmm…no. Fair enough. Okay Ich, proceed, but
don’t say I didn’t warn you.
(watches as Ich and Ellie drive off in carriage)
WILMOT
Was that my carriage?
JENNY
Yeah. ICHABOD is doing some investigation concerning
the missing hankie.
WILMOT
But I have already searched Ellie for it.
JENNY
If you say so. I also questioned
him about the Vianne arrest warrant.
WILMOT
Maybe I can help. I have it here. In my pocket.
(JENNY searches)
JENNY
Can’t find it.
WILMOT
Dig deeper
(JENNY pulls out paper)
Hey, this isn’t a warrant! This is a drawling.
WILMOT
My mistake.
(takes back drawing, mounts steed)
IF you’ll excuse me, I have a carriage to catch.
(Wilmot chases after carriage, passing by Pam’s Place…
where inside….)
SAM
Pamela, we’re going to miss the concert.
PAMELA
Hush, Sam. Those ears still need a little
polishing.
JOHNNYSGIRL
Auntie, I might be going to VA…see here, on the map?
FYA (grabs map, hands Steam Whistle to JG)
Hold that…but don’t drink. Let me see here.
What are they doing to us Cannucks? First we got to
figure out were Oregon is, now Virginia? Wasn’t that the
little girl who asked about Santa Claus?
Keep this up and I might just have to put these pointy
toe shoes up someone’ arse you know? In fact, NG is
always a fine open target…get it…ha ha!
(looks at JG who is looking innocently wide-eyed)
Oh forget it. You’re probably as bad as Debb.
Never know what day of the week it is.
Gimme back me amber gold…good girl. No, wait, or are
you the evil one? Never mind. Stop bothering me with
your questions. I got a crossy-legged guitar player
to find.
(JG watches Fanny wander off in her high heeled pointy toed
mutlucks)
JG (pouty)
She took my map...
MIROUX
No worries little one. Here have a pink rose.
JG
Thank you. So pretty.
MIROUX
Thanks. I call them my little Johnny Morale Boosters.
Now go off and find your seat.
Roses…get your Johnny roses…
“I’ll take one”
I was drawn to the beauty.
MIROUX
Yes, they are beautiful.
NAMASTE STRANGER
I was speaking of the lady. May I escort
you to your seat?
(MRX accepts)
LITTLEANGEl
Hello new person. Can I help you find the Noobie
section?
LADY FEMME
Oh, I’m not new. Just been MIA. I see lots has
been going on here in Deppville. Noticed the new
barber shop with the snack shoppe downstairs.
LITTLE ANGEL
(whispers)
Word of advice. Avoid the meat pies. Say, I’m still
assigned to the Noobie section, so I have to head upstairs
but would love to get together after the show. I gotta
go show StephanieF where to sit.
(each take their seats)
MOHO
Excuse, make way, Deppologist coming through.
JACK
What do Deppologist do?
MOHO (touching Jack’s compass)
They unlock things…
MORT
MoHo! Stop touching Jack’s compass
(drags MOHO away from JACK)
But I like it when they touch m’compass.
MPJ..aren’t you staying for the concert luv?
MPJ
I’ll be back Jack. Heading over to the Bells.
Winnie was a Bells-Virgin and well, sorry to say,
can’t get her out. I’ll be back quicker than you
can watch pit hair migrate.
(peeks over Jack’s shoulder)
By the way Jack…I think there’s a few
Hunnies that might be wanting to touch your
compass.
(Jack turns, smiling, expecting a few Hunnies..
smile disappears)
“Oh bugger!”
NG
Go on William..I know it’s your first time
but really, despite what Babs and them say,
the Hunnies don’t really bite.
(NG pushes William out to stage)
“Uhmm…welcome Hunnies…this is the February concert.”
(Runs off stage…out of Hall…across street to Bells)
“Give me something Jazzy”
IDZY
Sure…sure…got something new for you Billy Boy.
Here,buy Winnie and Jammies one too.
(back at the Hall Debb walks out on stage)
Welcome all. This month we have a special guest. He
requested that NG and I allow him to perform for all the special
Hunnies and we agreed. So with your blessing, I hope you give him
a Hearty Hunnie welcome and put your hands together for
our own Roux.
ROUX
Thank you Debb and NG. If we can turn down
the lights a bit,
I’d like to sing a little song orginially
performed by Kenny Chesney, something that speaks
to me and makes me realize, what a very lucky man I am.
It’s called “You Save Me.”
Every now and then I get a little lost
My strings all get tangled,
my wires all get crossed
Every now and then I'm right up on the edge
Dangling my toes out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here
'Cause when I'm a bullet
shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker
comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul
takes me
Baby you save me
It's hard lovin' a man
that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it,
I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
to save me from myself
You're the angel
that moves me like nobody else
And I thank God you do
'Cause when I'm a bullet
shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker
comin' undone
Or when I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul
takes me
Baby you save me
I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love
When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, baby you save me
When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker coming undone
When I'm a fugitive ready to run,
all wild-eyed and crazy
No matter where my reckless soul takes me
Baby you save me
Hunnies rocking back and forth, hand in air
waving hankies singing
"Baby, you save me..."
CURTAINS CLOSE
NG
Well, Roux that was a fine concert.
Thanks for coming.
Here's your lovely parting gift.
ROUX
Hmm..no thanks..
I think i got me eyes on something
a little sweeter..
BABS and Roux head for the boat
NG
Speaking of sweet...I think I got a little
special creme for someone.
DEBB
Let's go and fill my canolli!
"Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?
I thought I was doing a set after Roux?
Where'd everyone go?
Guess I'll just play by myself...hey
what's that on the floor?
Looks like a hankie....
See you all in March!
You Save Me
http://www.amazon.com/Road-Radio-Kenny-C...F8&s=music