12-27-2007, 10:44 PM
May Concert 2007
Hold it right there young lady. This ID doesn’t match up.
JOHNNYGIRL
What do you mean? That’s me…see….JG…that’s me.
*points at picture*
I know it’s been a while but I haven’t changed that
much have I? Come on, I want to see the concert.
BOUNCER
Sorry, but you look like JL$ but the name doesn’t match.
What are you trying to pull? I know they say you’re the
“evil twin.”
JG
She is the evil twin. I’m the good twin, JG…see…I am not
*finds herself pounced upon*
JL$
JG! My twinster! Where the hell ya been?
JG
Sleeping too much I guess. This guy doesn’t believe its me.
JL$
Well, neither do I. Been too long. It’s okay. She’s with me.
Jack! Jack! Look who I found!
JACK
Lass looks familiar. Have I offended her before?
Wait, you don’t hang out with those two…Giselle and Scarlett?
No , didn’t think so. Good. Come in. Join us.
*crowd wanders towards Concert Hall*
FANTASTICJD
Welcome to the “ALL SEASONS” Special spices for special needs.
My spices are used exclusively by the Sweeny Todd
Barber and Pastry Shoppe in town. Try one.
AGGIE
Here Tommy, you try one.
TOMMY
I already had this many
AGGIE
Pretty good were they?
Fingerlicking good, uh?
WILMOT
Finger licking?
TOMMY
Sure are. Should try one.
WILMOT
I shall indulge in your meat…(eyes Tommy) pies.
A dozen pastries Mistress Fan to take home to my
fair Lady Choc.I bid you adieu,all. I shall return later
with lady in tow
for the concert.
WINNIE-THE-SHITS
Excuse me, geesh, doesn’t that Rochester have any manners?
Nearly knocked me over.
QUIET PIRATE
Hi girlie. How you been WINTS? I stopped by your house the other day.
WINTS
Yeah, know how it is. Trying to stay out of the house.
Got new cleaning help and he just doesn’t seem to want
me in the house. Afraid I’ll mess it up. Look, come peek
in the window.
SAM
You’re not coming in here are you? And company!
You brought company!
WINTS
See what I mean. So just staying clear. Let’s go find some
seats for the concert.
PR JACK
Hey girls. I got your Noobie seats right here.
Follow me
up the stairs and I’ll get you settled.
HOPE, EMILY and MIDNIGHT MOMENT knock on
Noobie Stairwell Door
“Oh hi girls. Come on in. Been expecting you. Say wait.
There should be four of you. Were’s Laralynzy?
HOPE
She’s outside getting a moonlight lesson on how to Shag..
I mean…you know, Bali Shag.
BALI SHAG GUY
Then watch carefully girls. See, balance it carefully on
this finger. Very easy…Lalzy, are you watching the finger?
That’s a good girl. Now, watch me as my assistant holds
the paper while I lick. Depputized, if you please?
ME
Oh I am very pleased to hold it…the papers…hold the papers,
while you lick me…I mean it. Is that close enough honey?
I know that tongue can reach.
That’s a good boy. Hmmmm, maybe later we can get you to
lick something else, okay?
JACK
Not last month’s coffee, I hope
NG
Excuse me SixGun…what are you doing up on stage?
SGM
I thought we’d have a little karaoke. It was really Mort’s idea.
Right Morty?
MORT
SixGun, that is NOT the mike!
SGM
Wait until I hum a few bars, you might change your mind.
NG
Why are you escorting Mort tonight? Where’s MoHo?
SGM
Oh, she’s in the infirmary. Walking and Moaning I hear.
MORT
That’s walking pneumonia, SixGun
NG
Well, we’ll have to send her a get well card. I’ll have one
sent around to sign. Meantime, feel free to find your seats.
*gets bumped into*
Watch yourself LittleAngel.
LA
Oh, sorry NG. Was just looking at the giant poster there.
So he’s the theme for tonight’s concert?
NG
Yes, let me see your ticket. Ah, you’re up in the Noobie Section.
I think PR Jack can help you find your seat. Go on up.
Wait, you girls, have different color tickets.
*CHEATIN and ARUAM look at their tix*
You are in the Deppling Section. First floor, in the back.
By the way, Aruam, you look a bit on the sticky side.
ARUAM *mumbles about Jersey weather*
NG
Well, maybe you might want to go to the loo and freshen up…
no wait…I think Babs is still in there. She’s reviewing the latest
Playboy magazines.
“Need a loo?”
I have one on me ship, if ARUAM is so inclined. Though on a
ship they call them heads. So if ye be wanting to use me head,
I’ll more than happy to…
JL$ (calling down from 2nd floor window)
JACK!!!!
JACK
Just kidding luv!
CHEATIN
Say NG, you mean I can’t sit with Lara?
NG
No, you two cause trouble. As bad as the Twins. Wouldn’t
want to get kicked out would you?
CHEATIN
Well, depends. I mean if we have fun doing it…sure, then
maybe even a stint with the Taskmaster.
Ok, ok, I’ll sit in the Deppling Section. I’ll catch Lara
later in the Bells.
*TRUDY comes skateboarding by*
“Whoa! Cool wheels girl!”
TRUDY
Thanks Banana Crème Guy. Wanna Try?
BCG
Sure!
TRUDY
Here, put your tootsies this way on the board.
Later we can go to the beach and hang ten.
I got a surf board too!
BCG
Hang ten,uh? Well let me tell you…I can hang one!
TRUDY
Can’t wait to see that!!
*BCG and TruD skate off together*
TOBY
Hey, look at those two go
MYPIRATEJOHNNY
Oh Oh Oh! Please Toby…put your arm down.
You’re driving me nuts with that pit hair! God!
I think I am in love…
by the way, speaking of hair, have you seen Ugly Betty?
Maybe you can spare a little of this fuzz for the poor thing.
TOBY
Well, come with me, maybe we can work
something out for the pussy.
JENNY
Excuse me Tommy, but as the Newshound for Deppville News,
I just have to ask…
TOMMY
Shhhh, Jenny. I’m undercover. See, up there on the Concert Hall.
It’s Thecaptainswench. Been watching her for days now.
I think she’s getting ready to make her move.
JENNY
What’s she doing up there?
TOMMY
I am afraid she’s had a bit too much Chataeu Paradis Casseuil Bordeaux and now she’s going after the Concert
banner there. And when she comes down, I’ll be here to nab her.
JENNY
“Nab her” is that technical police terms? Can I quote you?
TOMMY
Sure, but can you step a little to your left, you’re blocking
my ring-view. Thanks.
FAVE D *at coffee stand*
May I have a grande Nescafe to go?
COFFEE GUY
Sure Pricesa, here you go. But you know we have espresso,
lattes, chai tea. Why plain
Nescafe?
FAVE D
Its for Kitchen Guy. It’s all he drinks and we have LOTS of
studying to do tonight.
We might even get in a little homework.
“wink wink nudge nudge”
COFFEE GUY
Well, best of luck to you.
“Sorry Favey, this is de-caf. When I study with Pricesa,
she always gets me real coffee.
FAVE D
But it tastes the same doesn’t it?
KG
Kind of, but the other one will keep me up all night,
if you know what I mean.
FAVE D
On it! Be right back!
WILLIE
Hey Rusty. Fine looking cake there.
RUSTY
Thanks Willie. For the Bake Sale. My specialty.
I call it the Swiffer Cognac Cake.
Wanna slice?
WILLIE
Don’t mind if I do, thanks.
It’s got a strange after taste.
RUSTY
It’s the special flour I use. I package it myself.
Here have a box, on the house. See, theres a picture
of how I collect it on the back.
I’ll pass thank you.
RUSTY
Suit yourself. Hey…Hunnies! I brought my Swiffer Cognac Cake
…hey…hey where y’all running to? Eps! Get back here!
You’re always on the run!!
*behind the Concert Hall*
GODLEY
What’s happened here Inspector?
ABBERLINE
Its Smitten. I feared she tried to do the
Monkey Toe Hang-Stand On Your Head.
Didn’t make it.
GODLEY
Her bust didn’t save her?
ABBERLINE
Does it look it Godley? Use your eyes man!
The woman’s out cold! We need to get her
someplace warm and safe. In the meantime,
get Cricket1964 down here. Show her that she
needs to heed Idzy’s words that coconuts do migrate
and she best watch herself.
And get someone down here to clean up Giselle.
*GODLEY looks around.*
Giselle sir?
ABBERLINE
The Puddle man! The Puddle! You must be blind!
She’s right there! Put her in someone’s care.
Get to it man!
(Hour Later)
ABBERLINE
There y’go. Feeling warm and safe?
SMITTEN
Not sure about the safe part, but sure feeling warm.
(back in the alley)
GODLEY (mopping up last of Puddles, putting into jar)
There ya are girl…Puddles…Giselle. Now got ya safe,
what should I be doing with ya?
QUIET STRANGER
I’ll take her off your hands.
GODLEY
She’s all yours sir, Bless you.
CELINE
Wait a minute! Where do you think you’re going
with my pal Puddles?
QS
Just keeping her safe. You’re more than welcome
to come along too.
CELINE
My God…I think my eyes just rolled in back of my head!
Lead the way man!
NG
Welcome Vianne. Long time no see.
What have you been up to.
VIANNE
Lau…lau…lau
ICHABOD
Hush my sweet. Please NG. She’s been overloaded with laundry.
There just never seems to be an end to it.
NG
Oh, sorry to hear that. You know, Sands has a
little business down at the river.
Called The Dump And Dip.
You dump ‘em, he’ll dip ‘em.
(Down by the river)
CROPALOT
Sheldon, forget that laundry.
We have bigger problems! Hello! Look!
Why does he always manage to get hold of matches or flint?
Sparrow! Get your butt over here! What’s going on?
What you need is a good monkey-slapping!
JACK
Monkey! Did you say monkey??
Would that be me being slapped by a monkey or
you slapping me like a monkey in which case I won’t
mind if ye slap me monkey.
SANDS
Hold up there cowboy.
JACK
Pirate
SANDS
Whatever, but Crop only slaps my monkey, kapeesh?
*Sands drags off Crop*
“But I wanted me monkey slapped”
Oh, ‘ello luv. Why do you have your
pink towel in a bunch?
WILMA
You stole my posts!
JACK
I did not steal your posts!
And if I did, I would only borrow them.
If anyone stole yer posts love would be
that post whore, Fanny.
FANNY *wanders by with stuffed pizza and Stella*
Hey! Wicked Sea Monkey! I resent that!
That was years ago and I don’t have anyone’s posts
…well…except Cabana Boy’s. Maybe Railroad Guys.
But that;s it! End of story!
And by the way…where’s Choc?
Her damn Ugly Cat keeps following me, no wait,
make that clinging to me. Look, can’t get the pussy off me!
Humiliating I tell ya!
*shakes leg to get kitty off, no success*
WILMA
Maybe ask CC. I saw her earlier.
JACK
She’s probably lost in the loo again.
WILMA
What?
JACK
What?
WILMA
Don’t start Jack.
JACK
I am starting nothing. Just saying.
Not only lost in the loo, but lost her posts too.
*whispers to Wilma*
I still say check Fanny’s cabana.
FANNY
You’re wicked Jack…wicked I say!
JACK
That’s witty! Simple, easy to remember.
*snaps fingers*
FANNY
I said wicked, I mean wicked. End of discussion!
*stomps off with clinging kitty*
Wish I knew where that Choc was,
come get her Ugly Pussy!
IDZY
Hey Wilma…look!
(points randomly to make Wilma look..which she does…
which then allows Idzy to grab Wilma’s pink Pirate towel
and run off)
Sorry luv! They had none at Wally World!
*falls over piles of pictures and maple syrup*
Friggin Faye…Danglies…Morticulious…Danny…xxx333!
Sabatoged by my own crap.
Okay, okay, here’s your towel back!
*Throws towel back to Wilma*
And what the hell is this?
*picks up Ugly Betty*
This looks like Beckett’s hairless monkey…just saying.
(At the Shoppe)
There you go my luv. This new MAC makeup is
magnificent to work with. I do believe you are ready
to attend the concert.
CHOC (checking self out in mirror—see’s two raccoon
eyes staring back at her)
Johnny! I look like something Wilma would try to trap!
Take it off –Now!
WILMOT
That is what I like about you artsy types.
It’s always NOW!
I need my makeup NOW…I need Sparrows fed …NOW!
Well, madam!
Allow me to expand upon it…and tell you what I need NOW!
Bloody hell! Now that I have had it…
do you think we can have it again later?
CHOC
I was thinking about NOW!
WILMOT
That’s what I like about you lusty Hunnies…
you always want
CHOC
Oh shut it and get back in bed!
*Back at the Coffee Hut*
Still no sandals my Babs?
BABS (sigh)
No, afraid not. I just might have to go barefoot.
But I like those bare tootsies.
BABS
You do?
ROUX
Aye, and if you cover those tootsies in chocolat,
then what would we have?
BABS
Messy toes?
ROUX
No, Tootsie Rolls…and you know how I love
to suck on Tootsie Rolls.
BABS
Well, what are we waiting for…
I know a little chocolate shoppe that’s
opened next door to the Hut. Come on!
BACK AT THE CONCERT HALL
SPARROW
I understand Gibbs, that there’s a special concert tonight.
GIBBS
Aye, Cap’n. And I noticed a fair wind’s a blowin’
so tis a good night for a shanty or two. So be takin’
yer seat and we can get started on this here show.
Here come the show hostess now.
Wel-cum…one an’all. Ye be seeing a good con-sort tonight.
Miss Debb, she be callin’ it Da End Of Da Earts Con-sort Tour.
You see, dis song, she sing tonight, it be ‘bout our own
and if you enjoy, be sure to leave a bit of gold in
da donation pot on yer way out da door.
Da Mistress Mayor of Deppville she greatly
appreciate any-ting to help.
Now, I give you Miss Debb and her Triple Threat Trio
and her song which she dedicate to all who
come here and all who have come to call dis place home.
Miss Debb, dey are all yours.
DEBB
Thank you Tia. Tonight The Triple Threat
and I would like to do a take off a Billy Ocean song.
A one..a two…a one, two three..
He dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned 'cause he was the dream
In the blink of an eye
I knew his number and his name yeah
Ah he said I was the tiger he wanted to tame
CHORUS:
Caribbean Chief
Now we're sharing the same dreams
And our hearts they beat as one
So much love of the rum
I lose my cool when he steps in the room
And I get so excited just from his perfume
Electric eyes that you can't ignore
And passion burns you like never before
I was in search of a good time
Just running my game
Love was the furthest
Furthest from my mind
Carribean Chief
Now we’re sharing the same dream
And our hearts, they beat as one
Where’s all the rum?
(applause, applause)
DEBB
Thank you! Thank you all!
(notices Hunnies not moving to leave)
Excuse me ladies, but the concert’s over…
why are you still here.
*all fingers point stage left*
“ello Beasties...I'm waiting."
*Hunnies jump up on stage singing*
Caribbean Chief!
Hey Jack he is our dream
our hearts all beat as one...
someone bring us the rum!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkXV5O5GfJ8
Hold it right there young lady. This ID doesn’t match up.
JOHNNYGIRL
What do you mean? That’s me…see….JG…that’s me.
*points at picture*
I know it’s been a while but I haven’t changed that
much have I? Come on, I want to see the concert.
BOUNCER
Sorry, but you look like JL$ but the name doesn’t match.
What are you trying to pull? I know they say you’re the
“evil twin.”
JG
She is the evil twin. I’m the good twin, JG…see…I am not
*finds herself pounced upon*
JL$
JG! My twinster! Where the hell ya been?
JG
Sleeping too much I guess. This guy doesn’t believe its me.
JL$
Well, neither do I. Been too long. It’s okay. She’s with me.
Jack! Jack! Look who I found!
JACK
Lass looks familiar. Have I offended her before?
Wait, you don’t hang out with those two…Giselle and Scarlett?
No , didn’t think so. Good. Come in. Join us.
*crowd wanders towards Concert Hall*
FANTASTICJD
Welcome to the “ALL SEASONS” Special spices for special needs.
My spices are used exclusively by the Sweeny Todd
Barber and Pastry Shoppe in town. Try one.
AGGIE
Here Tommy, you try one.
TOMMY
I already had this many
AGGIE
Pretty good were they?
Fingerlicking good, uh?
WILMOT
Finger licking?
TOMMY
Sure are. Should try one.
WILMOT
I shall indulge in your meat…(eyes Tommy) pies.
A dozen pastries Mistress Fan to take home to my
fair Lady Choc.I bid you adieu,all. I shall return later
with lady in tow
for the concert.
WINNIE-THE-SHITS
Excuse me, geesh, doesn’t that Rochester have any manners?
Nearly knocked me over.
QUIET PIRATE
Hi girlie. How you been WINTS? I stopped by your house the other day.
WINTS
Yeah, know how it is. Trying to stay out of the house.
Got new cleaning help and he just doesn’t seem to want
me in the house. Afraid I’ll mess it up. Look, come peek
in the window.
SAM
You’re not coming in here are you? And company!
You brought company!
WINTS
See what I mean. So just staying clear. Let’s go find some
seats for the concert.
PR JACK
Hey girls. I got your Noobie seats right here.
Follow me
up the stairs and I’ll get you settled.
HOPE, EMILY and MIDNIGHT MOMENT knock on
Noobie Stairwell Door
“Oh hi girls. Come on in. Been expecting you. Say wait.
There should be four of you. Were’s Laralynzy?
HOPE
She’s outside getting a moonlight lesson on how to Shag..
I mean…you know, Bali Shag.
BALI SHAG GUY
Then watch carefully girls. See, balance it carefully on
this finger. Very easy…Lalzy, are you watching the finger?
That’s a good girl. Now, watch me as my assistant holds
the paper while I lick. Depputized, if you please?
ME
Oh I am very pleased to hold it…the papers…hold the papers,
while you lick me…I mean it. Is that close enough honey?
I know that tongue can reach.
That’s a good boy. Hmmmm, maybe later we can get you to
lick something else, okay?
JACK
Not last month’s coffee, I hope
NG
Excuse me SixGun…what are you doing up on stage?
SGM
I thought we’d have a little karaoke. It was really Mort’s idea.
Right Morty?
MORT
SixGun, that is NOT the mike!
SGM
Wait until I hum a few bars, you might change your mind.
NG
Why are you escorting Mort tonight? Where’s MoHo?
SGM
Oh, she’s in the infirmary. Walking and Moaning I hear.
MORT
That’s walking pneumonia, SixGun
NG
Well, we’ll have to send her a get well card. I’ll have one
sent around to sign. Meantime, feel free to find your seats.
*gets bumped into*
Watch yourself LittleAngel.
LA
Oh, sorry NG. Was just looking at the giant poster there.
So he’s the theme for tonight’s concert?
NG
Yes, let me see your ticket. Ah, you’re up in the Noobie Section.
I think PR Jack can help you find your seat. Go on up.
Wait, you girls, have different color tickets.
*CHEATIN and ARUAM look at their tix*
You are in the Deppling Section. First floor, in the back.
By the way, Aruam, you look a bit on the sticky side.
ARUAM *mumbles about Jersey weather*
NG
Well, maybe you might want to go to the loo and freshen up…
no wait…I think Babs is still in there. She’s reviewing the latest
Playboy magazines.
“Need a loo?”
I have one on me ship, if ARUAM is so inclined. Though on a
ship they call them heads. So if ye be wanting to use me head,
I’ll more than happy to…
JL$ (calling down from 2nd floor window)
JACK!!!!
JACK
Just kidding luv!
CHEATIN
Say NG, you mean I can’t sit with Lara?
NG
No, you two cause trouble. As bad as the Twins. Wouldn’t
want to get kicked out would you?
CHEATIN
Well, depends. I mean if we have fun doing it…sure, then
maybe even a stint with the Taskmaster.
Ok, ok, I’ll sit in the Deppling Section. I’ll catch Lara
later in the Bells.
*TRUDY comes skateboarding by*
“Whoa! Cool wheels girl!”
TRUDY
Thanks Banana Crème Guy. Wanna Try?
BCG
Sure!
TRUDY
Here, put your tootsies this way on the board.
Later we can go to the beach and hang ten.
I got a surf board too!
BCG
Hang ten,uh? Well let me tell you…I can hang one!
TRUDY
Can’t wait to see that!!
*BCG and TruD skate off together*
TOBY
Hey, look at those two go
MYPIRATEJOHNNY
Oh Oh Oh! Please Toby…put your arm down.
You’re driving me nuts with that pit hair! God!
I think I am in love…
by the way, speaking of hair, have you seen Ugly Betty?
Maybe you can spare a little of this fuzz for the poor thing.
TOBY
Well, come with me, maybe we can work
something out for the pussy.
JENNY
Excuse me Tommy, but as the Newshound for Deppville News,
I just have to ask…
TOMMY
Shhhh, Jenny. I’m undercover. See, up there on the Concert Hall.
It’s Thecaptainswench. Been watching her for days now.
I think she’s getting ready to make her move.
JENNY
What’s she doing up there?
TOMMY
I am afraid she’s had a bit too much Chataeu Paradis Casseuil Bordeaux and now she’s going after the Concert
banner there. And when she comes down, I’ll be here to nab her.
JENNY
“Nab her” is that technical police terms? Can I quote you?
TOMMY
Sure, but can you step a little to your left, you’re blocking
my ring-view. Thanks.
FAVE D *at coffee stand*
May I have a grande Nescafe to go?
COFFEE GUY
Sure Pricesa, here you go. But you know we have espresso,
lattes, chai tea. Why plain
Nescafe?
FAVE D
Its for Kitchen Guy. It’s all he drinks and we have LOTS of
studying to do tonight.
We might even get in a little homework.
“wink wink nudge nudge”
COFFEE GUY
Well, best of luck to you.
“Sorry Favey, this is de-caf. When I study with Pricesa,
she always gets me real coffee.
FAVE D
But it tastes the same doesn’t it?
KG
Kind of, but the other one will keep me up all night,
if you know what I mean.
FAVE D
On it! Be right back!
WILLIE
Hey Rusty. Fine looking cake there.
RUSTY
Thanks Willie. For the Bake Sale. My specialty.
I call it the Swiffer Cognac Cake.
Wanna slice?
WILLIE
Don’t mind if I do, thanks.
It’s got a strange after taste.
RUSTY
It’s the special flour I use. I package it myself.
Here have a box, on the house. See, theres a picture
of how I collect it on the back.
I’ll pass thank you.
RUSTY
Suit yourself. Hey…Hunnies! I brought my Swiffer Cognac Cake
…hey…hey where y’all running to? Eps! Get back here!
You’re always on the run!!
*behind the Concert Hall*
GODLEY
What’s happened here Inspector?
ABBERLINE
Its Smitten. I feared she tried to do the
Monkey Toe Hang-Stand On Your Head.
Didn’t make it.
GODLEY
Her bust didn’t save her?
ABBERLINE
Does it look it Godley? Use your eyes man!
The woman’s out cold! We need to get her
someplace warm and safe. In the meantime,
get Cricket1964 down here. Show her that she
needs to heed Idzy’s words that coconuts do migrate
and she best watch herself.
And get someone down here to clean up Giselle.
*GODLEY looks around.*
Giselle sir?
ABBERLINE
The Puddle man! The Puddle! You must be blind!
She’s right there! Put her in someone’s care.
Get to it man!
(Hour Later)
ABBERLINE
There y’go. Feeling warm and safe?
SMITTEN
Not sure about the safe part, but sure feeling warm.
(back in the alley)
GODLEY (mopping up last of Puddles, putting into jar)
There ya are girl…Puddles…Giselle. Now got ya safe,
what should I be doing with ya?
QUIET STRANGER
I’ll take her off your hands.
GODLEY
She’s all yours sir, Bless you.
CELINE
Wait a minute! Where do you think you’re going
with my pal Puddles?
QS
Just keeping her safe. You’re more than welcome
to come along too.
CELINE
My God…I think my eyes just rolled in back of my head!
Lead the way man!
NG
Welcome Vianne. Long time no see.
What have you been up to.
VIANNE
Lau…lau…lau
ICHABOD
Hush my sweet. Please NG. She’s been overloaded with laundry.
There just never seems to be an end to it.
NG
Oh, sorry to hear that. You know, Sands has a
little business down at the river.
Called The Dump And Dip.
You dump ‘em, he’ll dip ‘em.
(Down by the river)
CROPALOT
Sheldon, forget that laundry.
We have bigger problems! Hello! Look!
Why does he always manage to get hold of matches or flint?
Sparrow! Get your butt over here! What’s going on?
What you need is a good monkey-slapping!
JACK
Monkey! Did you say monkey??
Would that be me being slapped by a monkey or
you slapping me like a monkey in which case I won’t
mind if ye slap me monkey.
SANDS
Hold up there cowboy.
JACK
Pirate
SANDS
Whatever, but Crop only slaps my monkey, kapeesh?
*Sands drags off Crop*
“But I wanted me monkey slapped”
Oh, ‘ello luv. Why do you have your
pink towel in a bunch?
WILMA
You stole my posts!
JACK
I did not steal your posts!
And if I did, I would only borrow them.
If anyone stole yer posts love would be
that post whore, Fanny.
FANNY *wanders by with stuffed pizza and Stella*
Hey! Wicked Sea Monkey! I resent that!
That was years ago and I don’t have anyone’s posts
…well…except Cabana Boy’s. Maybe Railroad Guys.
But that;s it! End of story!
And by the way…where’s Choc?
Her damn Ugly Cat keeps following me, no wait,
make that clinging to me. Look, can’t get the pussy off me!
Humiliating I tell ya!
*shakes leg to get kitty off, no success*
WILMA
Maybe ask CC. I saw her earlier.
JACK
She’s probably lost in the loo again.
WILMA
What?
JACK
What?
WILMA
Don’t start Jack.
JACK
I am starting nothing. Just saying.
Not only lost in the loo, but lost her posts too.
*whispers to Wilma*
I still say check Fanny’s cabana.
FANNY
You’re wicked Jack…wicked I say!
JACK
That’s witty! Simple, easy to remember.
*snaps fingers*
FANNY
I said wicked, I mean wicked. End of discussion!
*stomps off with clinging kitty*
Wish I knew where that Choc was,
come get her Ugly Pussy!
IDZY
Hey Wilma…look!
(points randomly to make Wilma look..which she does…
which then allows Idzy to grab Wilma’s pink Pirate towel
and run off)
Sorry luv! They had none at Wally World!
*falls over piles of pictures and maple syrup*
Friggin Faye…Danglies…Morticulious…Danny…xxx333!
Sabatoged by my own crap.
Okay, okay, here’s your towel back!
*Throws towel back to Wilma*
And what the hell is this?
*picks up Ugly Betty*
This looks like Beckett’s hairless monkey…just saying.
(At the Shoppe)
There you go my luv. This new MAC makeup is
magnificent to work with. I do believe you are ready
to attend the concert.
CHOC (checking self out in mirror—see’s two raccoon
eyes staring back at her)
Johnny! I look like something Wilma would try to trap!
Take it off –Now!
WILMOT
That is what I like about you artsy types.
It’s always NOW!
I need my makeup NOW…I need Sparrows fed …NOW!
Well, madam!
Allow me to expand upon it…and tell you what I need NOW!
Bloody hell! Now that I have had it…
do you think we can have it again later?
CHOC
I was thinking about NOW!
WILMOT
That’s what I like about you lusty Hunnies…
you always want
CHOC
Oh shut it and get back in bed!
*Back at the Coffee Hut*
Still no sandals my Babs?
BABS (sigh)
No, afraid not. I just might have to go barefoot.
But I like those bare tootsies.
BABS
You do?
ROUX
Aye, and if you cover those tootsies in chocolat,
then what would we have?
BABS
Messy toes?
ROUX
No, Tootsie Rolls…and you know how I love
to suck on Tootsie Rolls.
BABS
Well, what are we waiting for…
I know a little chocolate shoppe that’s
opened next door to the Hut. Come on!
BACK AT THE CONCERT HALL
SPARROW
I understand Gibbs, that there’s a special concert tonight.
GIBBS
Aye, Cap’n. And I noticed a fair wind’s a blowin’
so tis a good night for a shanty or two. So be takin’
yer seat and we can get started on this here show.
Here come the show hostess now.
Wel-cum…one an’all. Ye be seeing a good con-sort tonight.
Miss Debb, she be callin’ it Da End Of Da Earts Con-sort Tour.
You see, dis song, she sing tonight, it be ‘bout our own
and if you enjoy, be sure to leave a bit of gold in
da donation pot on yer way out da door.
Da Mistress Mayor of Deppville she greatly
appreciate any-ting to help.
Now, I give you Miss Debb and her Triple Threat Trio
and her song which she dedicate to all who
come here and all who have come to call dis place home.
Miss Debb, dey are all yours.
DEBB
Thank you Tia. Tonight The Triple Threat
and I would like to do a take off a Billy Ocean song.
A one..a two…a one, two three..
He dashed by me in painted on jeans
And all heads turned 'cause he was the dream
In the blink of an eye
I knew his number and his name yeah
Ah he said I was the tiger he wanted to tame
CHORUS:
Caribbean Chief
Now we're sharing the same dreams
And our hearts they beat as one
So much love of the rum
I lose my cool when he steps in the room
And I get so excited just from his perfume
Electric eyes that you can't ignore
And passion burns you like never before
I was in search of a good time
Just running my game
Love was the furthest
Furthest from my mind
Carribean Chief
Now we’re sharing the same dream
And our hearts, they beat as one
Where’s all the rum?
(applause, applause)
DEBB
Thank you! Thank you all!
(notices Hunnies not moving to leave)
Excuse me ladies, but the concert’s over…
why are you still here.
*all fingers point stage left*
“ello Beasties...I'm waiting."
*Hunnies jump up on stage singing*
Caribbean Chief!
Hey Jack he is our dream
our hearts all beat as one...
someone bring us the rum!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkXV5O5GfJ8