12-27-2007, 10:46 PM
JULY 2007
DEPPVILLE STREET MARKETS
Dreamer and Spookygirl meander up to the newest
concession stand: Cheesy Sausage
LARA
Get your sausage! Get your naughty sausage here!
DREAMER
Is the sausage fresh?
LARA
Lets just say, Wilmot comes by every morning
for one of the long ones. And on a personal note,
I’ve named the sausage after his Lordship.
So will that be one Wilmot to go?
DREAMER
Dang…now that’s one sausage that could curl your toes.
Almost as good as a Blueberry Johnny muffin.
SPOOKYGIRL
Just hope they’re better than Sean’s Worms.
*shudders*
RUSTY
Sean who? Never mind,don’t forget the cheese.
Made with the finest goat milk. And if I can add my
own personal note, great hands our milker has.
(over at the barn)
“Ye know Gertie, ye be looking quite fetching t’day”
CRICKET (at Toby’s Treats)
Bit thirsty Toby. Any suggestions?
TOBY
Sure Knuckles. Be right back. I’ll make you
a special drink. Secret ingredient.
TOBY brings her the special drink.
CRICKET takes a sip.
CRICKET
Yum! You know what would go great with this?
Refrigerated Ice Cream. And I know just who
to see about a creamy quart.
ARUAM
Excuse me sir. Do you know where I can find CC?
She promised to make me, hope, Dude and winTs dinner.
“Come on in little girls. I think I can help you. She’s right in this room.”
CC
Okay you squirrelly-good-for-nuttins…get cracking those nuts!
We got dinner to make tonight. Hey you!
Little girl!Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts…
makes ‘em crazy.
Oh, hey Willy. What’s hanging?
(eyes Willy)
“You know what’s hanging cc.”
CC
Sure dew. Sure dew. How about you and me share a jar
of peanut butter?
Great right out of the jar with your fingers.”
That’s not your finger CC!!!
CELINE
When there is nothing, even a peanut is everything.
“Are you calling me a peanut?”
***
HANNAH
Here Tommy. Want you to try some of Toby’s new drink, Sour Sop
HANNAH
Yeah, that’s what I said. Here, wash it down with some
Grape Crush.
“Mmmmmm, much better.”
AGGIE
Tommy ! What are you doing with Hannah?
“Oh hi sweetie, I was just trying some of her sop.”
AGGIE
Sop! Sop! That’s what you call it? I’ll show you some sop!
Wait till I get hold of your balls!
TOMMY
You mean like this one?
AGGIE
Come here you!
(chases Tommy back home where she shows him how
to play on her personal alley)
“Ye noticed Gibbs? The girl…sitting here…?”
*points downward*
GIBBS
Aye, Jack. She be that way for a while now.
All mopey and despondent like.
JACK
Would it be proper Gibbs, say, to ask the fair lass what
may be troubling her?
GIBBS
I tried Capt’n. Have a listen. Lass, what’s a-bothering ye?
VIANNE
Damn photophucket. T’aint worth an ass rat’s if ye be asking me.
“bugger”
GIBBS
See Jack, don’t say I didn’t warn ye.
TRUDY
I Heard Vi Is A Bit Blue. I Brought Someone To Help!
And He Comes (tee hee) Bearing Gifts! Here You Go Vi!
“Rum Ice Cream, anyone?”
VI,TruD and JACK join Gilbert for rum ice cream.
(down at the river)
“Come on MoHo. Just once more.”
MORTSMISTRESS
No means no, Blake! Can’t you see my butt is sore from
all your kayaking!
Uhm, no. Could you turn around again so I could see?
MOHO
There see…Hey! Wait a minute! You just did that so you could look
at my butt again!
“Damn, she’s quick”
DEPPVILLE NEWS OFFICE
“Nope, sorry Jenny”
JENNY
No? What do you mean,no? I worked all night on that article.
And you’re turning me down flat?
“Well, truth be told Jen, news is as yesterday as Toby’s fish drink.
Your pal Fanny already submitted this.
JENNY
What! Why that $&*%$###! She’s been reading…
ED
What? Your submissions?
JENNY
No! My mind! Gotta go find her!
Fanny! You…you….hey, what’s with all the tequilla?
This isn’t for Babs is it?
FANNY
Hell no. That broad can’t negotiate a curb on a good day,
you think I’m going to ply her with this shit?
No F-ing way. Besides,she’s over there…(points)
finishing up the Fanny Spritzers.
The Tequilla is for that Father Sanctimo- whatever-his-
freakin’-name is. Gonna bribe him to exorcise that puss…kitty
from Hell of Choc’s.
JENNY
Can’t Choc exERcise her own puss…kitty.
Just use a few danglies, call out “Here Kitty Kitty”
FANNY
Now what kind of exORcise ritual would that be?
If you’d listen to what I said instead of what you thought I said
then I wouldn’t have to repeat myself and tell you what I was
trying to tell you but noooo….you go off on a tangent and
you’re just not making any sense. Dang lollygagger.
“I have no idea what she was saying either Jenny”
FANNY
Well I wasn’t talking to you was I pirate-boy?
Now get your arse over here and help me get this to
Choc’s house so Father can take care of Choc’s puss…kitty.
“Me father’s going to take care of Choc’s puss…kitty!”
FANNY
No, sea-monkey
JACK
I did, I did see the monkey.
FANNY
Shut it! Just help me with this tequila.
JACK
It’d work better if it was rum, luv. Me father prefers rum.
FANNY
Not your father! Father Santci-what’s his name.
JACK
Ah…it’s prounouced: Sanc-ti-mo-nious.
FANNY
If I need a freakin’ dictionary I’ll call Debb. Now move it!
Take this to Choc’s shoppe!
THE SHOPPE
CHOCOLAT
Ohhh…prezzies for me, from Fanny and Jack!
JACK
No, not for you lass, for your puss…kitty.
CHOCOLAT
But it doesn’t drink tequila.
JACK
That’s what I told her.
FANNY
No you didn’t. You said your father doesn’t drink it.
JACK
What?
FANNY
What?
CHOCOLAT
What?
WILMOT
What is going on in here? Chocolat, I thought you wanted
me in the garden to help you plant your tulips.
CHOC
(tee hee) Yes. Yes I did my love. But look.
Fanny and Jack brought prezzies.
WILMOT
Jack? Jack Sparrow?
JACK
Ye have heard of me?
WILMOT (to Choc)
And why is it, the pirate and his Fanny have brought you gifts?
JACK
For her puss…kitty. Understand it’s a bit of a problem.
WILMOT
You are mistaken sir. I have grown quite fond of Chocolat’s…
FANNY
Ok, ok. We get the picture. Never mind.
Guess Babs gets the tequila after all.
Come on Jack, help me get this to the river.
“What’s all this?”
FANNY
Damn Roux! Maybe you should go see Choc ‘bout
getting that hair braided. Here, we’ve brought Babsy a gift.
ROUX
Tequilla? It’s tequila.
FANNY
Quick there gypsy-boy. Yeah. All for you and your little barista.
“But tequila makes her clothes fall off.”
FANNY
And you’re complaining because?
ROUX
Oh, right.
(later)
“One more shot darling to lose those sandals and we’ll be all set!”
OVER AT THE SLEEPY HOLLOW APTS
(female cry)
Help! Help! Someone help!
YOUNG MASBATH
“What is it sir?”
ICABOD
“I believe it’s Chofy. Stay here lad, I shall go to her rescue.
I am here m’lady! What is the problem?
*CHOFY points to floor*
Spider!!!
SWEENY’S PASTIES AND BARBER SHOPPE
“Where is that God-forsaken noise coming from?”
THECAPTAINSWENCH
That would be me oboe, sir. Practicing for the pirate’s private party.
But if it’s too much..
SWEENY
No, Wenchie. Your oboe playing is quite a skill.
*smiles wickedly*
I was referring to the noise next door. Go sniff it out, will you?”
WENCHIE
But I’m only good at sniffing out peanuts.
SWEENY
Right. My mistake. You can sniff my peanuts later.
Smitten! What are these artichokes doing here?
SMITTEN
It’s what’s for dinner. Got them at the Fruit and Veggie stand.
Have to use these laundry baskets for something you know?
Besides, thought the meat pies could use a little green on the side.
What do you think?
SWEENY
How does one…eat…an artichoke?
SMITTEN
Ah, well, you dip the fleshy end into dip.
Then you put it in your mouth, drawing your teeth
over it to draw out the delicious insides, then when you get down
to the fuzzy part you cover that with dip and eat.
Oh crap!
SWEENY
Do not fret! I purchased you a new washer and dryer.
It’s in the back room.
SMITTEN
Who are you?
WASHER GUY
Just call me your personal MayTag Repair Guy.
So, May I Tag something?
(Back out in the Shoppe)
DEPPUTIZED (teaching Sweeny the fine art of dipping)
Mmmmm..I’d like to dippy the artichoke. Nice and juicy.
Slowly lick and dip and dip and lick and…ooohhhh…
I think I need a napkin.
SWEENY
No need, I can just lick it off. Come here.
DEPPUTIZED
Ohhh! Another licker? I likey!
NEVERLAND INN and RESTUARANT
“Watch Mary. You take it like this then you do this…the lick…”
MARY
Who taught you that! That’s, that’s *makes face*
JAMES
Why Mary, if you are offended then I will take my
newly learned talent to DEPPUTIZED.
She appreciates a willing student.
Good night Madame!
*Nearby table*
“The meat pie and artichokes was quite tasty,
don’t you agree Wilma? So would you like to go back
to my place for dessert…roasted marshmallows,
then maybe a little dancing?”
WILMA
Light my firefly, Fly Boy.
(At Spencer’s Place)
“I think you used one too many fireflies Wilma!
IDZY
EEE-HAW! Hey crew! Look,there’s Deppville on the port side.
Or is that the Starboard. Don’t matter.
I can see Wilma’s flashing from here! Hey Hunnies!
Space Cowgirl coming in for a landing and I’ll be
heading straight to the Cheesy Sausage.
Make mine a double! Like ‘em thick and juicy.
Kind of sensual you know.
WILMA
(sigh)
“What’s wrong Wilma?”
WILMA
I’ll never get to ride the Shuttle.
SPENCER
No worries, sweets. I have a rocket you can blast off on.
WILMA
Houston! We got no problems!
MYPIRATEJOHNNY
That’s what I call firing up the Thrusts for Thursdays!
*elevator alarm sounds at NEVERLAND INN
maintenance arrives , repairs*
“Mr. Corso, Shutterbug needs to learn not to touch
the STOP button every time you and she get on
the elevator.
I always run late when that happens.”
*Room 69 of NEVERLAND INN*
“You know QuietPirate, you’re going to have
to hurry up if you want to get your grocery shopping
done before the cable guy gets here so we can get to
the concert on time.
*Outside EPS house…man cries*
“Help me, I’ve fallen in your wet cement and I can’t get up!”
EPS
I’ll help you. Here. Let me just grab your foot and
give you a tug up.
EPS
Opps! I fell in!
BANANA CRÈME GUY
“Let me help you get up”
“Better yet,you look kind of cute down there. Let me join you again.”
EPS
Like Bob Barker says: “Come on down!”
Hey look there goes Pricesa…hey Pricesa and Edward,
you going to the Concert?
EDWARD
Sorry, no. I’m too pooped to pop.
Pricesa is taking me home to tuck me in.
DEPPVILLE CONCERT HALL
TEAGUE
“Can’t let ye in. Says here, ye broke the code.”
FAVED
But TruD broke it first. I just followed suit.
JACK
And a nice suit it is.
FAVED
Oh thanks Jack. This old thing? Had it for years…
TEAGUE
Stop ye lolly-gagging.
JACK
I thought it’s called tongue wagging?
FAVED
Actually, I’d prefer that tongue
TEAGUE
Ye all be hopeless.
FAVED
No, I be tonguing.
*runs to catch “Red Carpet Guy”*
TEAGUE (to Jack).
“Ye in the other Hunnies way. Step aside and get them in.”
JACK
Alright y’Hunnies! What are ye lollygagging about fer!
Ye heard Teague. Get yer sorry arses inside!
TEAGUE
Jack?
JACK
Aye, Teague?
TEAGUE
It’s little over the mizzen mast. Bring yer sails down boy.
No way to treat the ladies.
JACK
“Just trying t’help.”
KAT
It’s okay Jack. Not a lady among them I say.
I mean, FaveD stirs up trouble. Babs awaits the day
she can share a bed with Debb, like having shared
one with Fanny hasn’t been enough for her.
Then we got sausage all around.
It’s a wonder I can find time to play my Bunco.
JACK
Bunc-o? I got that in me cabin.
KAT
In your cabin? Why lead the way mate!
(follows Jack to Cabin)
KAT
Wait a minute. I don’t see the game Bunco in here.
JACK
Game? No luv, I meant ol’Jack’s got a bunk in his cabin, savvy?
Besides, I understand you ladies make fine Bunco hostesses.
Get me drift?
TEAGUE
Fine and dandy.Lost me “cabin boy”.
Want something done,got to do it yourself.
Okay. You are?
CESAR
Cesar sir. And this pouch holds my beloved Giselle.
TEAGUE
Cesar? Yes. Here you are on the list.
But I see no Giselle.
CESAR
Ah, try Puddles.
TEAGUE
There she be, yes. Go on. Find yer seats.
*sees Jack arriving with JL$ and JG*
TEAGUE
Jack, give ‘em up boy. I need help here.
JACK
But Teague, I was just playing a bit and…
TEAGUE
Yes, I heard of your game of Bunco with Kat.
Didn’t realize ye was a hugeish fan.
JL$
What! You said you were my hugesish fan!
JG
No way, he said he was mine!
*both slap Jack and head into the concert*
But ol’Jack is a fan of all the Hunnies.
TEAGUE
Leave yer mind to it Jack. Head in. The concert’s about t’start.
JAMES
Good evening Hunnies. I would like to start the festivities
by presenting a special award. To our one and only
Mayoress of Deppville, the honorable Idzy,
who has guided us and kept us afloat.
So please, I present her with the The Wood Duck award,
for being able to duck troubles and quack us up.
Idzy, if you will, come up and accept your award.
IDZY
Just leave it on the podium Jim-boy.
Too lazy to catch it right now, if you know what I mean.
Better yet, why don’t you bring it down here?
I hear you’ve had artichoke lessons.
Could use a few of them myself.
JAMES (lifting the Duck)
Idzy, you really should say something.
IDZY
Whatcha talking about Jimmy? I already did say something.
I’m always saying something even when no one is listening
that’s why it looks like I’m talking to myself all the time,
savy?
“She always confuses me”
IDZY
Then my job is done. So bring me that Duck
and let’s get on with the show!
HUNNIES
On with the show! On with the show! On with the show!
DEBB
Wow! Natives are restless tonight. Howdy Hunnies.
HUNNIES
Howdy Debb!
DEBB
Well, this past month, to quote FaveD,
has been an rollercoaster of up and down emotions.
So the Triple Threat Trio plus Special Guitar Man
*nods to Special Guitar Man offstage*
have decided to do a song that will reflect the determination
and fortitude that flows here in Deppville. That each of us
can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
“Bootstrap’s bootstraps”
DEBB *darts look to Ragetti..continues*
And that we are here for one another in time of
emotional strength and support. So for each of you,
I dedicate this song, The River.
You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.
And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes.
Trying to learn from what's behind you
and never knowing what's in store
makes each day a constant battle
just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Too many times we stand aside and let the water slip away.
To what we put off 'til tomorrow has now become today.
So don't you sit upon the shore and say you're satisfied.
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
There's bound to be rough waters, and I know I'll take some falls.
With the good Lord as my captain, I can make it through them all.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
HUNNIES join and raise hands, swaying and singing
“We will sail our vessels ‘til the river runs dry.
We will sail our vessels ‘til the river runs dry”
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
DEBB
Thank you Hunnies…for today and every day you give your heart, your hand and your joy to another. Now, let’s head to the Bells!
HUNNIES rush to the Bells for seats, not wishing to have to sit on planters or front steps.
NG
Are you ready to sail, my love?
DEBB
Ready to dance the tides. Is Roux lending us his boat?
NG
I’ve gone one better for you.
DEBB
NG, you can sail my river anytime!
*throws keys*
Lock up will you?
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The River (by Garth Brooks)
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=641596
DEPPVILLE STREET MARKETS
Dreamer and Spookygirl meander up to the newest
concession stand: Cheesy Sausage
LARA
Get your sausage! Get your naughty sausage here!
DREAMER
Is the sausage fresh?
LARA
Lets just say, Wilmot comes by every morning
for one of the long ones. And on a personal note,
I’ve named the sausage after his Lordship.
So will that be one Wilmot to go?
DREAMER
Dang…now that’s one sausage that could curl your toes.
Almost as good as a Blueberry Johnny muffin.
SPOOKYGIRL
Just hope they’re better than Sean’s Worms.
*shudders*
RUSTY
Sean who? Never mind,don’t forget the cheese.
Made with the finest goat milk. And if I can add my
own personal note, great hands our milker has.
(over at the barn)
“Ye know Gertie, ye be looking quite fetching t’day”
CRICKET (at Toby’s Treats)
Bit thirsty Toby. Any suggestions?
TOBY
Sure Knuckles. Be right back. I’ll make you
a special drink. Secret ingredient.
TOBY brings her the special drink.
CRICKET takes a sip.
CRICKET
Yum! You know what would go great with this?
Refrigerated Ice Cream. And I know just who
to see about a creamy quart.
ARUAM
Excuse me sir. Do you know where I can find CC?
She promised to make me, hope, Dude and winTs dinner.
“Come on in little girls. I think I can help you. She’s right in this room.”
CC
Okay you squirrelly-good-for-nuttins…get cracking those nuts!
We got dinner to make tonight. Hey you!
Little girl!Don’t touch that squirrel’s nuts…
makes ‘em crazy.
Oh, hey Willy. What’s hanging?
(eyes Willy)
“You know what’s hanging cc.”
CC
Sure dew. Sure dew. How about you and me share a jar
of peanut butter?
Great right out of the jar with your fingers.”
That’s not your finger CC!!!
CELINE
When there is nothing, even a peanut is everything.
“Are you calling me a peanut?”
***
HANNAH
Here Tommy. Want you to try some of Toby’s new drink, Sour Sop
HANNAH
Yeah, that’s what I said. Here, wash it down with some
Grape Crush.
“Mmmmmm, much better.”
AGGIE
Tommy ! What are you doing with Hannah?
“Oh hi sweetie, I was just trying some of her sop.”
AGGIE
Sop! Sop! That’s what you call it? I’ll show you some sop!
Wait till I get hold of your balls!
TOMMY
You mean like this one?
AGGIE
Come here you!
(chases Tommy back home where she shows him how
to play on her personal alley)
“Ye noticed Gibbs? The girl…sitting here…?”
*points downward*
GIBBS
Aye, Jack. She be that way for a while now.
All mopey and despondent like.
JACK
Would it be proper Gibbs, say, to ask the fair lass what
may be troubling her?
GIBBS
I tried Capt’n. Have a listen. Lass, what’s a-bothering ye?
VIANNE
Damn photophucket. T’aint worth an ass rat’s if ye be asking me.
“bugger”
GIBBS
See Jack, don’t say I didn’t warn ye.
TRUDY
I Heard Vi Is A Bit Blue. I Brought Someone To Help!
And He Comes (tee hee) Bearing Gifts! Here You Go Vi!
“Rum Ice Cream, anyone?”
VI,TruD and JACK join Gilbert for rum ice cream.
(down at the river)
“Come on MoHo. Just once more.”
MORTSMISTRESS
No means no, Blake! Can’t you see my butt is sore from
all your kayaking!
Uhm, no. Could you turn around again so I could see?
MOHO
There see…Hey! Wait a minute! You just did that so you could look
at my butt again!
“Damn, she’s quick”
DEPPVILLE NEWS OFFICE
“Nope, sorry Jenny”
JENNY
No? What do you mean,no? I worked all night on that article.
And you’re turning me down flat?
“Well, truth be told Jen, news is as yesterday as Toby’s fish drink.
Your pal Fanny already submitted this.
JENNY
What! Why that $&*%$###! She’s been reading…
ED
What? Your submissions?
JENNY
No! My mind! Gotta go find her!
Fanny! You…you….hey, what’s with all the tequilla?
This isn’t for Babs is it?
FANNY
Hell no. That broad can’t negotiate a curb on a good day,
you think I’m going to ply her with this shit?
No F-ing way. Besides,she’s over there…(points)
finishing up the Fanny Spritzers.
The Tequilla is for that Father Sanctimo- whatever-his-
freakin’-name is. Gonna bribe him to exorcise that puss…kitty
from Hell of Choc’s.
JENNY
Can’t Choc exERcise her own puss…kitty.
Just use a few danglies, call out “Here Kitty Kitty”
FANNY
Now what kind of exORcise ritual would that be?
If you’d listen to what I said instead of what you thought I said
then I wouldn’t have to repeat myself and tell you what I was
trying to tell you but noooo….you go off on a tangent and
you’re just not making any sense. Dang lollygagger.
“I have no idea what she was saying either Jenny”
FANNY
Well I wasn’t talking to you was I pirate-boy?
Now get your arse over here and help me get this to
Choc’s house so Father can take care of Choc’s puss…kitty.
“Me father’s going to take care of Choc’s puss…kitty!”
FANNY
No, sea-monkey
JACK
I did, I did see the monkey.
FANNY
Shut it! Just help me with this tequila.
JACK
It’d work better if it was rum, luv. Me father prefers rum.
FANNY
Not your father! Father Santci-what’s his name.
JACK
Ah…it’s prounouced: Sanc-ti-mo-nious.
FANNY
If I need a freakin’ dictionary I’ll call Debb. Now move it!
Take this to Choc’s shoppe!
THE SHOPPE
CHOCOLAT
Ohhh…prezzies for me, from Fanny and Jack!
JACK
No, not for you lass, for your puss…kitty.
CHOCOLAT
But it doesn’t drink tequila.
JACK
That’s what I told her.
FANNY
No you didn’t. You said your father doesn’t drink it.
JACK
What?
FANNY
What?
CHOCOLAT
What?
WILMOT
What is going on in here? Chocolat, I thought you wanted
me in the garden to help you plant your tulips.
CHOC
(tee hee) Yes. Yes I did my love. But look.
Fanny and Jack brought prezzies.
WILMOT
Jack? Jack Sparrow?
JACK
Ye have heard of me?
WILMOT (to Choc)
And why is it, the pirate and his Fanny have brought you gifts?
JACK
For her puss…kitty. Understand it’s a bit of a problem.
WILMOT
You are mistaken sir. I have grown quite fond of Chocolat’s…
FANNY
Ok, ok. We get the picture. Never mind.
Guess Babs gets the tequila after all.
Come on Jack, help me get this to the river.
“What’s all this?”
FANNY
Damn Roux! Maybe you should go see Choc ‘bout
getting that hair braided. Here, we’ve brought Babsy a gift.
ROUX
Tequilla? It’s tequila.
FANNY
Quick there gypsy-boy. Yeah. All for you and your little barista.
“But tequila makes her clothes fall off.”
FANNY
And you’re complaining because?
ROUX
Oh, right.
(later)
“One more shot darling to lose those sandals and we’ll be all set!”
OVER AT THE SLEEPY HOLLOW APTS
(female cry)
Help! Help! Someone help!
YOUNG MASBATH
“What is it sir?”
ICABOD
“I believe it’s Chofy. Stay here lad, I shall go to her rescue.
I am here m’lady! What is the problem?
*CHOFY points to floor*
Spider!!!
SWEENY’S PASTIES AND BARBER SHOPPE
“Where is that God-forsaken noise coming from?”
THECAPTAINSWENCH
That would be me oboe, sir. Practicing for the pirate’s private party.
But if it’s too much..
SWEENY
No, Wenchie. Your oboe playing is quite a skill.
*smiles wickedly*
I was referring to the noise next door. Go sniff it out, will you?”
WENCHIE
But I’m only good at sniffing out peanuts.
SWEENY
Right. My mistake. You can sniff my peanuts later.
Smitten! What are these artichokes doing here?
SMITTEN
It’s what’s for dinner. Got them at the Fruit and Veggie stand.
Have to use these laundry baskets for something you know?
Besides, thought the meat pies could use a little green on the side.
What do you think?
SWEENY
How does one…eat…an artichoke?
SMITTEN
Ah, well, you dip the fleshy end into dip.
Then you put it in your mouth, drawing your teeth
over it to draw out the delicious insides, then when you get down
to the fuzzy part you cover that with dip and eat.
Oh crap!
SWEENY
Do not fret! I purchased you a new washer and dryer.
It’s in the back room.
SMITTEN
Who are you?
WASHER GUY
Just call me your personal MayTag Repair Guy.
So, May I Tag something?
(Back out in the Shoppe)
DEPPUTIZED (teaching Sweeny the fine art of dipping)
Mmmmm..I’d like to dippy the artichoke. Nice and juicy.
Slowly lick and dip and dip and lick and…ooohhhh…
I think I need a napkin.
SWEENY
No need, I can just lick it off. Come here.
DEPPUTIZED
Ohhh! Another licker? I likey!
NEVERLAND INN and RESTUARANT
“Watch Mary. You take it like this then you do this…the lick…”
MARY
Who taught you that! That’s, that’s *makes face*
JAMES
Why Mary, if you are offended then I will take my
newly learned talent to DEPPUTIZED.
She appreciates a willing student.
Good night Madame!
*Nearby table*
“The meat pie and artichokes was quite tasty,
don’t you agree Wilma? So would you like to go back
to my place for dessert…roasted marshmallows,
then maybe a little dancing?”
WILMA
Light my firefly, Fly Boy.
(At Spencer’s Place)
“I think you used one too many fireflies Wilma!
IDZY
EEE-HAW! Hey crew! Look,there’s Deppville on the port side.
Or is that the Starboard. Don’t matter.
I can see Wilma’s flashing from here! Hey Hunnies!
Space Cowgirl coming in for a landing and I’ll be
heading straight to the Cheesy Sausage.
Make mine a double! Like ‘em thick and juicy.
Kind of sensual you know.
WILMA
(sigh)
“What’s wrong Wilma?”
WILMA
I’ll never get to ride the Shuttle.
SPENCER
No worries, sweets. I have a rocket you can blast off on.
WILMA
Houston! We got no problems!
MYPIRATEJOHNNY
That’s what I call firing up the Thrusts for Thursdays!
*elevator alarm sounds at NEVERLAND INN
maintenance arrives , repairs*
“Mr. Corso, Shutterbug needs to learn not to touch
the STOP button every time you and she get on
the elevator.
I always run late when that happens.”
*Room 69 of NEVERLAND INN*
“You know QuietPirate, you’re going to have
to hurry up if you want to get your grocery shopping
done before the cable guy gets here so we can get to
the concert on time.
*Outside EPS house…man cries*
“Help me, I’ve fallen in your wet cement and I can’t get up!”
EPS
I’ll help you. Here. Let me just grab your foot and
give you a tug up.
EPS
Opps! I fell in!
BANANA CRÈME GUY
“Let me help you get up”
“Better yet,you look kind of cute down there. Let me join you again.”
EPS
Like Bob Barker says: “Come on down!”
Hey look there goes Pricesa…hey Pricesa and Edward,
you going to the Concert?
EDWARD
Sorry, no. I’m too pooped to pop.
Pricesa is taking me home to tuck me in.
DEPPVILLE CONCERT HALL
TEAGUE
“Can’t let ye in. Says here, ye broke the code.”
FAVED
But TruD broke it first. I just followed suit.
JACK
And a nice suit it is.
FAVED
Oh thanks Jack. This old thing? Had it for years…
TEAGUE
Stop ye lolly-gagging.
JACK
I thought it’s called tongue wagging?
FAVED
Actually, I’d prefer that tongue
TEAGUE
Ye all be hopeless.
FAVED
No, I be tonguing.
*runs to catch “Red Carpet Guy”*
TEAGUE (to Jack).
“Ye in the other Hunnies way. Step aside and get them in.”
JACK
Alright y’Hunnies! What are ye lollygagging about fer!
Ye heard Teague. Get yer sorry arses inside!
TEAGUE
Jack?
JACK
Aye, Teague?
TEAGUE
It’s little over the mizzen mast. Bring yer sails down boy.
No way to treat the ladies.
JACK
“Just trying t’help.”
KAT
It’s okay Jack. Not a lady among them I say.
I mean, FaveD stirs up trouble. Babs awaits the day
she can share a bed with Debb, like having shared
one with Fanny hasn’t been enough for her.
Then we got sausage all around.
It’s a wonder I can find time to play my Bunco.
JACK
Bunc-o? I got that in me cabin.
KAT
In your cabin? Why lead the way mate!
(follows Jack to Cabin)
KAT
Wait a minute. I don’t see the game Bunco in here.
JACK
Game? No luv, I meant ol’Jack’s got a bunk in his cabin, savvy?
Besides, I understand you ladies make fine Bunco hostesses.
Get me drift?
TEAGUE
Fine and dandy.Lost me “cabin boy”.
Want something done,got to do it yourself.
Okay. You are?
CESAR
Cesar sir. And this pouch holds my beloved Giselle.
TEAGUE
Cesar? Yes. Here you are on the list.
But I see no Giselle.
CESAR
Ah, try Puddles.
TEAGUE
There she be, yes. Go on. Find yer seats.
*sees Jack arriving with JL$ and JG*
TEAGUE
Jack, give ‘em up boy. I need help here.
JACK
But Teague, I was just playing a bit and…
TEAGUE
Yes, I heard of your game of Bunco with Kat.
Didn’t realize ye was a hugeish fan.
JL$
What! You said you were my hugesish fan!
JG
No way, he said he was mine!
*both slap Jack and head into the concert*
But ol’Jack is a fan of all the Hunnies.
TEAGUE
Leave yer mind to it Jack. Head in. The concert’s about t’start.
JAMES
Good evening Hunnies. I would like to start the festivities
by presenting a special award. To our one and only
Mayoress of Deppville, the honorable Idzy,
who has guided us and kept us afloat.
So please, I present her with the The Wood Duck award,
for being able to duck troubles and quack us up.
Idzy, if you will, come up and accept your award.
IDZY
Just leave it on the podium Jim-boy.
Too lazy to catch it right now, if you know what I mean.
Better yet, why don’t you bring it down here?
I hear you’ve had artichoke lessons.
Could use a few of them myself.
JAMES (lifting the Duck)
Idzy, you really should say something.
IDZY
Whatcha talking about Jimmy? I already did say something.
I’m always saying something even when no one is listening
that’s why it looks like I’m talking to myself all the time,
savy?
“She always confuses me”
IDZY
Then my job is done. So bring me that Duck
and let’s get on with the show!
HUNNIES
On with the show! On with the show! On with the show!
DEBB
Wow! Natives are restless tonight. Howdy Hunnies.
HUNNIES
Howdy Debb!
DEBB
Well, this past month, to quote FaveD,
has been an rollercoaster of up and down emotions.
So the Triple Threat Trio plus Special Guitar Man
*nods to Special Guitar Man offstage*
have decided to do a song that will reflect the determination
and fortitude that flows here in Deppville. That each of us
can pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.
“Bootstrap’s bootstraps”
DEBB *darts look to Ragetti..continues*
And that we are here for one another in time of
emotional strength and support. So for each of you,
I dedicate this song, The River.
You know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows.
And a dreamer's just a vessel that must follow where it goes.
Trying to learn from what's behind you
and never knowing what's in store
makes each day a constant battle
just to stay between the shores.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Too many times we stand aside and let the water slip away.
To what we put off 'til tomorrow has now become today.
So don't you sit upon the shore and say you're satisfied.
Choose to chance the rapids and dare to dance the tides.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
There's bound to be rough waters, and I know I'll take some falls.
With the good Lord as my captain, I can make it through them all.
And I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
Like a bird upon the wind, these waters are my sky.
I'll never reach my destination if I never try,
So I will sail my vessel 'til the river runs dry.
HUNNIES join and raise hands, swaying and singing
“We will sail our vessels ‘til the river runs dry.
We will sail our vessels ‘til the river runs dry”
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
DEBB
Thank you Hunnies…for today and every day you give your heart, your hand and your joy to another. Now, let’s head to the Bells!
HUNNIES rush to the Bells for seats, not wishing to have to sit on planters or front steps.
NG
Are you ready to sail, my love?
DEBB
Ready to dance the tides. Is Roux lending us his boat?
NG
I’ve gone one better for you.
DEBB
NG, you can sail my river anytime!
*throws keys*
Lock up will you?
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The River (by Garth Brooks)
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=641596