12-27-2007, 10:49 PM
AUGUST 2007 CONCERT
TEN BELLES
IDZY
Hic….cup!!
Hic… cup!!
Hic… cup!!
FRIENDLY STRANGER
Here you go Miss. Perfect way to rid yourself of hiccups.
Beats your Canadian granny’s cure anytime.
BABS (yelling from beyond loo door)
Shum-on shad shum-ting bout Ca-nay-uns?
“Oh listen—Babs talking with her mouth full!
Is Roux in there with her?”
*BABS throws open loo door, mouth stuffed &
lips smeared with chocolate *
“Whooo shaid dat?”
ROUX
Come back in my chocolate drop. I don’t mind if you speak
with your mouth full. Come back in here so I can warm those
chilly toes of yours.”
BABS
Awwee…my ‘cushla
IDZY
“Hic..cup!! Hic…cup!! Hic…cup!!!
ED
Here Idzy, come feel this.
*IDZY rubs sweater on face*
IDZY
This isn’t (hiccup) helping my hiccups.
ED
Didn’t say it would. Just wanted ya to see how soft it is.
Say, whatcha got there Raoul? Lottery ticket? Hope it’s
a winner for ya!
RAOUL
No Ed…let me think.
It’s a movie ticket but
I remember a car.
I remember driving my car.
I remember driving my car to the drive in.
Crap! I left Dukey at the drive-in!
Be back Hunnies!
ED
What a swell guy. Going all the way back
to get his girl. Don’t see gentlemen like
that anymore ya know?
*Ding Dong*
TRUDY (with Sam ding dong Edward’s door)
Hey Edward! Can The Girls Come To The Concert?
Suppose To Be Extra Dreamy And Sexy Tonight!
Oh no sorry guys. Pricesa and FaveD are with Kitchen Guy
practicing how to roll grape leaves with their “greeced” hands.
Quite good too.
TRUDY
Okay Then. Sorry They’ll Miss It. Just You And Me Sam.
Glad You Came Over To Help Me Dust The Bedrooom,
Or I Would Have Missed It. Where’s Quiet Pirate?
SAM
She’s meeting us at the Belles.
TRUDY
Okay Then! Let’s Get Over There!
(At The Belles)
QP
Bar keep! Another Strawberry Daquiri! Dang Harry Potter fans.
Drive me crazy. Too polite I tell you. What’s the world coming to?
What say you Spooky?
SPOOKYGIRL
I’ll drink to that! Give me a Turtle!
JACK (Temp Bar Keep)
Let’s see…how was that made…oh yes.
Here ye go lass.
*SPOOKY spews drink on bar*
That’s horrible Jack! What is this made with?
“Now which one of ya’s gonna clean that up? As for the drink…
what else…Sea Turtle with a special ingredient.
SPOOKY
What’s that?
JACK
Heard of ‘hair of the dog’? Well, this drink has the hair of me back.
IDZY
Hic-cup!! Hic-cup!!
CC (sneaking up behind wearing a cloak)
BOO!!! Bet your hiccups are gone now.
*Idzy slowly turns around*
“What was that…hiccup… about cc?”
CC
Uh? You can see me? Wait, this was supposed to be the Cloak
of Invisibility. What happened? I must be using it wrong.
Be right back. Hey, DeMarco, I want my money back.
This thing doesn’t work.
DJD
It is all in the wrist my lovely lady.
CC
Wait! Wait! You’re doing it too fast. I can’t see…
DJD
Exactly my love. You can not see what I do, thus, Cloak
of Invisibility.
CC
I don’t think that’s right, Juan. Hey, what are you doing?
*DJD wraps CC in cloak*
DJD
Now no one can see you. Only me. Shall we make good use of this?
CC
The only thing that would make this better is my 3-D glasses.
DJD
Ah, but there is no need for glasses. I can become as 3-D
as you like.
CC
I feel your 3-D! I feel your 3-D!
DEPPUTIZED
Who’s feeling 3-D? Talk about feeling, I’m in Braille now.
Check it out Juany.
DJD
Ahh, yes ME, I can feel all the little bumps. Two here. One there.
DEPPUTIZED
Oh yes Don Juan! Read me like a book!
(later…much later)
Man, after that personal reading I think I need a Shag.
Damn, no matches. Hey RusT, got a match in that bag?
RUSTYRED
Danglies, 45’s, autograph, business card, 6 rub on tattoos,
paper umbrellas,salt for slugs…I mean Debb…nope,
sorry ME, no matches. Maybe my red-haired buddy has some.
*sound of lighter catches their attention*
HELPFUL STRANGER
Does someone need assistance?
*RusT and ME look at each other, then to stranger*
DEPPUTIZED (whispers to RusT)
Hmmm…I “kneed” to be tied to the kitchen chair.
HELPFUL STRANGER
I’ll see what I can do.
RUSTY
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
DEPPUTIZED
Hallelujah! What are we waiting for!!!
IDZY
Great, leave me in a lurch HICCUP. That’s right!
Run off you three! HICCUP. Maybe Sweeny can help.
*heads to Sweeny’s Meat Pie And Barber Shoppe*
“Welcome Idzy”
IDZY
Damn! Listen! No more hiccups.
SWEENY
Not here for a shave? Bikini wax---my way?
IDZY (eyeing razor blade)
I don’t think so Todd. But I hear you have some
sweet meat.
SWEENY
A pleasure to be of service.
I’ll be right back.
*Goes to back room where CHOCOLAT is waiting*
CHOC
Oh there you are Sweeny! I’m still waiting
for my holster.
*Sweeny runs side of blade across Choc’s cheek, bringing a shiver*
SWEENY
But the beauty of it Chocolat is that you have a holster.
Perfect for my…uhm…special blade.
Shall we see how it fits?
*more shivers*
CHOC
Be gentle..I am a Sweeny Virgin.
SWEENY
Easily remedied.
(out in the Shoppe)
“Pardon me Idzy”
“I have been searching for my lady love. Have you seen her?”
IDZY
*Hiccup* Damn it!
If you’re talking about Choc, she’s in the back with Todd.
*Bursts thru door just before Sweeny packs his blade*
WILMOT
My lady. Is this your preference? His blade instead of my cane?
CHOC
uhmm? well…I need to think…
WILMOT
So be it then! I shall be at the Bells! Good Day!
*at the Bells*
Even now George, I am pining for her.
HANNAH (elbowing George out of the way)
No worries your Lordship. Here, have a Grape Zest on the house.
Idzy won’t mind. Then maybe you can head over to the DeppLanes
for a pick-me-up. Aggie and Tommy are putting on a charity
bowl-a-rama. If you got ‘em Aggie
will polish your balls.
WILMOT
I shall partake of the festivities.
*Heads to DeppLanes*
What is this? I was told Aggie was the ball polisher
TOMMY
Oh right, well, she’s on break now. We’re filling in.
Hey, what do you think you’re doing?
WILMOT
I was told you would polish my…
TOMMY
Sorry. Guess there’s a mix up. Hey! Wilmot, where ya going?
*Wilmot storms out of DeppLane…returns to Sweeny’s*
I want my lady and I want her NOW!
CHOC *exiting back room*
Oh your Lordship. So glad you’re back. Sweeny showed me how to use my holster.
WILMOT
Where is that scoundrel? How dare he---I shall beat him to an inch
of his life and then I shall…
CHOC
Rochester, hold your water. See, a new holster to hold
my lipstick.
WILMOT
To the carriage madam! I shall show you how to use your holster!
CHOC
Tee Hee
WILMOT *swinging around to face ST*
“This is not over”
*Leaves Shoppe*
SMITTEN
What was that all about?
SWEENY
Something about it not being over. Lest does he knows,
I never forget. Never mind. What is it dear Smitten? Problems with the pies?
SMITTEN
No but I have ants in my pants because this arrived.
But I didn’t realize how big it was and I can’t get it in the door.
You’re not going to forbid me to have it because it’s so big are you?
SWEENY
I have never forbidden big things in here have I?
SMITTEN
*checking out Sweeny’s holster*
No, no you haven’t. Let’s go in the back and make those
meat pies.
*Enters SHUTTERBUG*
Excuse me, I’m here from the Deppville News. My editor, Jenny,
sent me over to take a pic of your new place. Hey, nice chair,
Sweeny.
SWEENY *gets into chair*
Yes, it is the perfect chair.
Care to try it out with me?
*Across town, Deppville Cemetery*
GISELLE and CELINE
Exuse me sir. We seem to be lost.
FRIED CHICKEN MAN
Lost without a map are you?
CELINE
Matter of fact, we are. Can you help us?
FCM
Uhmm…not sure.
*slides glasses down to look at the girls.
Giselle promptly turns into a puddle…*
Oh my, what should we do with her?
CELINE
No problem.
*Scoops her up in Fried Chicken Bucket*
Nothing but breasts and thighs.
FCM
Come back to my place. I can show you a
finger-licking good time.
*steps over dancing emoties*
FCM
Go home kids. MPJ is waiting for you.
*Emoties bounce home*
(At The Bells)
BLAKE
Barkeep, I’d like a beer please. What flavors do you have?
FANNY *whacking side of Blake’s head*
Flavours? Flavours? Been yanking your six gun one too many
times boy? Beer does not come in flavours! You want flavours
go down to the Kool Aid Stand. Geesh!
What does it take to edu-ma-cate you peoplez…and yes!
That’s people with a Z!
LEJAE
I’m with you Fanny! How about you and me and a DeppCharge?
Anyone else?
CA MAN
I’m buying LaJae!
LAJAE
For you, I’m for sale! I mean, sure sure, I accept if you’re buying.
Fanny what about you?
FANNY
I ain’t paying for your drinks.
LAJAE
No, I mean, are you joining us for a drink?
CA MAN
And look Fanny, it comes in a souvenir glass.
FANNY
As much as I’m tempted have to turn ya all down.
I know, I know, you’re so disappointed. Buck up!
I got a responsibility. Taking Rusty out in the morning
to see a Tequila Sunrise. Just call me Saint Fanny.
Long way to Mexicalli tho.
Think I might need a driver.
Any takers?
Uhmm…no thanks Sands. Looks like you’re already in a Tequila sunset.
I need a better designated driver.
Never mind. I’ll take the bus as long as that monkey ain’t driving.
First tho I’m gonna stop at the pickle stand.
New owner I hear.
AmryJR
Pick a peck of pickled peppered pickles…free samples today!
FANNY
I’ll take a peck-full. How many pickles does it take to make a
full peck by the way?
AmryJR
These are HUGE-ish pickles so it only takes one to make a peck.
FANNY
Then give me a Bushel to go along with that peck.
Gotta long drive ahead of me. Thought maybe Wilma
might tag along. Anyone seen her?
AmryJR
Check the library.
*heads to library*
FANNY
Hey Dewey! How ya dewing?
Seen Wilma?
“We’re playing hide and seek. …67…68…69! Ready or not here I come!”
FANNY
Not the thickest book on the shelf is he? Never mind.
Story Time Guy! Hey! Seen Wilma?
“She told the world to screw it”
FANNY
Well crap, then guess it’s just me and Rusty…ok..catch you later.
WILMA
But I was right here all the time ST Guy. I just wanted to do a little reading.
STG
I know but I liked what you said. So, wanna
see my pop-up?
ARUAM
Oh! Sorry I was looking for books I needed for college.
STG
Aruam, darling, you need to head over to the book store.
I don’t think Miss Debb will let you take the library books
for a whole semester.
ARUAM
Right! Thanks…hi Wilma! Bye Wilma! BTW, nice pop-up!
*outside Deppville Courthouse*
VIANNE
Hoist the colours!
WENCHIE
Aye! Aye!
I love the colours…I love to wave at them as they fly.
Chofy (Pointing at flag)
Ha Ha!
WENCHIE
What!
VIANNE
What!
JACK
What! That’s not me colours! That looks like…Todd!
What’s the barber doing on me flag?
WENCHIE
Oh that? I made a new flag, in honor of our new resident.
Don’t you like it?
JACK
Let me whisper me answer
Don’t mess with me goods luv.
WENCHIE
But I thought you liked it when I played with your goods,
especially your oboe.
JACK
Oye! Tis not your oboe playing I be talking about…tis the flag.
Mr. Gibbs!
GIBBS
Aye Capt’n?
Please bring that flag down. Tis making me feel the need for rum.
GIBBS (mumbling)
That not be a surprise t’anyone.
JACK
What was that Mr. Gibbs?
GIBBS
What! I said tis be a surprise to everyone to see the new flag,
twas all I said Captain.
JACK
Very well. On with it man. And as for you two!
Me thinks you and Vianne need a bit of the Captain’s
personal discipline.
Vianne, you must learn how to
properly hoist a flag up me mast and you Wenchie…
sword polishing for yerself. Tis fair I think.
TEAGUE
A moment of yer time boy.
JACK
Sorry but bit busy. As ye see, I am about to..
TEAGUE
I heard ye boy. But ye forgot the Code.
A Captain can not have his mast hoisted or sword polished
at the same time by two crew members.
JACK
Guess I missed that code.
But ye see, the beauty of it,
Vianne and Wenchie aren’t card-holding members of me crew
but I have something in need of holding thus it will only be
after the holding will they become members and be part of me
crew and then I can go back to abiding by the code.
Savy?
GIBBS
The flag is up Jack
JACK
Thank you Mr. Gibbs. Now there’s a crew member who knows how
to hoist…oh never mind…ladies…to me cabin!
IDZY
HICCUP! say Teague, any remedies in that Code Book
for hiccups?
TEAGUE
Sure Mayor. Just follow me to the back room.
(Hour later Jack returns)
JACK
Say Teague. The concert’s about to start and Debb
was looking for Idzy.
Any ideas where the lass got to?
TEAGUE
I fixed her hiccups
JACK
Oye! I think ol’Jack will be taking ye to Tia’s for
a sprucing up Idzy.
(Outside Concert Hall)
EPS (stapling Aug. Concert flyer to Hut)
There that should do it! Got another one Ed?
Swell of you to ask me to help EPS with your posting,
and I appreciate your enthusiasm.
But don’t you see what’s wrong with this picture?
*Both step back to see Hut covered top to bottom in flyers*
EPS
Oh yeah. Look missed a spot. Thanks Ed. Keen eyes.
ED
The keenest in Deppville!
*Concession Stand Row*
MOHO
Say Lara. What are you offering tonight?
LARA
Had a run on the Naughty Sausages, so all out.
How about the Cuttlefish Spaghetti.
MORT
Why does it look like that?”
LAR
The secret is leaving it out
all night. Lets it marinate.
MOHO
Hmmm…got anything with a little crunch?
LARA
Here try this.
MORT
Odd flavor. What is it?
LARA
Hog jowl.
MORT
Oh God!
LARA
Hey, what do you expect? I work for peanuts here!
Kat! Howdy girl. Where’ve you been?
KAT
Stuck all day at the house. Plumbing problems.
LARA
Sorry to hear that. Did you get your pipes cleaned?
KAT
Yeah, figuratively and literally.
*minds drifts to plumber*
*shakes and clears head*
Well, off to the concert. See you there!
*Over At Tia’s shack*
JACK
Tia, darlin’, me thinks there was more to Idzy
than this.
If yo’ dunt want her, geeve her bak
JACK
No! My Idzy! Never mind. I’ll find someone else
t’help
Come here boy! Look at this map. See this town?
I want you to take Idzy to this place. Known for resurrections.
WILL
Will this help Idzy?
JACK
How much do you know about Collingsport and Barnabas Collins?
WILL
Not much.
JACK
Then yes, it will help Idzy. Now don’t come back
till Idzy’s one piece and her hiccups are cured.
I’ll be over at the Concert.
DEPPVILLE CONCERT HALL
*Little pre-show entertainment*
Hunnies applaud.
Jones bows/leaves stage
EMCEE
Good Evening everyone.
Welcome and thank you for joining
us at this month’s charity event.
Please ignore the placard on the front.
We didn’t have time to paint over it
so let me begin by introducing the recipient
of tonight’s benefit.
Someone who gives unselfishly of himself.
There when the Hunnies need him.
*JACK primps self ready for award*
Please give a hand to Debb’s own, NG!
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
JACK
What!
NG (Temping Cricket's FishSop Wet Bar while she's
out of town)
What!
*Goes up to accept, Debb gives congratulatory kiss…
whoops and hollers*
NG
I don’t know what to say.
EMCEE
Well, NG, it’s obvious how happy you are at getting
this award.
NG *placing award strategically in front of him*
I really don’t do anything special
DEBB
One man’s opinion.
EMCEE
This is for the times you bring cream
filled cannolis ,for birthday massages,
and entertaining us with your
special cozies.
For deligently rising
*Hunnies giggle*
early in the morning and delivering
the Deppville News and always pointing us
in the right direction when a Hunnie astray.
NG
Thank you. Thank you all!
EMCEE
Now with no further a-dew. Debb and the Trio will sing
a song that reflects not only how she feels about you
but I am sure it will touch a cord for each Hunnie
and their special someone. Take it away Debb!
The first, the last, my everything
And the answer to all my dreams
You're my sun
my moon,
my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
I kno w there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
You're all I'm living for
Your love I'll keep for evermore
You're the first, your the last, my everything
And with you I've found so many things
A love so new only you could bring
Can't you see it's you
You make me feel this way
You're like a fresh morning dew on a brand new day
I see so many ways that I
Can love you till the day I die
You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a-a-a a dream
You're the first, the last, my everything
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
Boy you're my reality
But I'm lost in a-a-a a dream
You're the first, you're the last, my everything
*Hunnies get up sing and dancing…heading out of Hall*
“Our first, our last, our everything!”
DEBB
Well, I think they’re happy.
NG
I know I am. Thank you.
DEBB
Oh, NG, you and all the guys here in Deppville..
you’re the ones we need to thank. You make each and every one of us happy. Deliciously wicked happy.
NG
Then can I interest you in a Fuzzy Navel over at the Bells to celebrate?
DEBB
I accept your offer…but not at the Bells, if you get my drift?
NG
After you!
*Turn out lights, shut door, head home…few minutes later*
IDZY (Bursting thru Concert Hall door)
Hey! I’m back! Is the concert over?
HICCUP!
Damn!
Barry White
You’re my first, my last, my everything
Scroll to song #7
http://www.amazon.com/Barry-White-All-Ti...842&sr=1-1
TEN BELLES
IDZY
Hic….cup!!
Hic… cup!!
Hic… cup!!
FRIENDLY STRANGER
Here you go Miss. Perfect way to rid yourself of hiccups.
Beats your Canadian granny’s cure anytime.
BABS (yelling from beyond loo door)
Shum-on shad shum-ting bout Ca-nay-uns?
“Oh listen—Babs talking with her mouth full!
Is Roux in there with her?”
*BABS throws open loo door, mouth stuffed &
lips smeared with chocolate *
“Whooo shaid dat?”
ROUX
Come back in my chocolate drop. I don’t mind if you speak
with your mouth full. Come back in here so I can warm those
chilly toes of yours.”
BABS
Awwee…my ‘cushla
IDZY
“Hic..cup!! Hic…cup!! Hic…cup!!!
ED
Here Idzy, come feel this.
*IDZY rubs sweater on face*
IDZY
This isn’t (hiccup) helping my hiccups.
ED
Didn’t say it would. Just wanted ya to see how soft it is.
Say, whatcha got there Raoul? Lottery ticket? Hope it’s
a winner for ya!
RAOUL
No Ed…let me think.
It’s a movie ticket but
I remember a car.
I remember driving my car.
I remember driving my car to the drive in.
Crap! I left Dukey at the drive-in!
Be back Hunnies!
ED
What a swell guy. Going all the way back
to get his girl. Don’t see gentlemen like
that anymore ya know?
*Ding Dong*
TRUDY (with Sam ding dong Edward’s door)
Hey Edward! Can The Girls Come To The Concert?
Suppose To Be Extra Dreamy And Sexy Tonight!
Oh no sorry guys. Pricesa and FaveD are with Kitchen Guy
practicing how to roll grape leaves with their “greeced” hands.
Quite good too.
TRUDY
Okay Then. Sorry They’ll Miss It. Just You And Me Sam.
Glad You Came Over To Help Me Dust The Bedrooom,
Or I Would Have Missed It. Where’s Quiet Pirate?
SAM
She’s meeting us at the Belles.
TRUDY
Okay Then! Let’s Get Over There!
(At The Belles)
QP
Bar keep! Another Strawberry Daquiri! Dang Harry Potter fans.
Drive me crazy. Too polite I tell you. What’s the world coming to?
What say you Spooky?
SPOOKYGIRL
I’ll drink to that! Give me a Turtle!
JACK (Temp Bar Keep)
Let’s see…how was that made…oh yes.
Here ye go lass.
*SPOOKY spews drink on bar*
That’s horrible Jack! What is this made with?
“Now which one of ya’s gonna clean that up? As for the drink…
what else…Sea Turtle with a special ingredient.
SPOOKY
What’s that?
JACK
Heard of ‘hair of the dog’? Well, this drink has the hair of me back.
IDZY
Hic-cup!! Hic-cup!!
CC (sneaking up behind wearing a cloak)
BOO!!! Bet your hiccups are gone now.
*Idzy slowly turns around*
“What was that…hiccup… about cc?”
CC
Uh? You can see me? Wait, this was supposed to be the Cloak
of Invisibility. What happened? I must be using it wrong.
Be right back. Hey, DeMarco, I want my money back.
This thing doesn’t work.
DJD
It is all in the wrist my lovely lady.
CC
Wait! Wait! You’re doing it too fast. I can’t see…
DJD
Exactly my love. You can not see what I do, thus, Cloak
of Invisibility.
CC
I don’t think that’s right, Juan. Hey, what are you doing?
*DJD wraps CC in cloak*
DJD
Now no one can see you. Only me. Shall we make good use of this?
CC
The only thing that would make this better is my 3-D glasses.
DJD
Ah, but there is no need for glasses. I can become as 3-D
as you like.
CC
I feel your 3-D! I feel your 3-D!
DEPPUTIZED
Who’s feeling 3-D? Talk about feeling, I’m in Braille now.
Check it out Juany.
DJD
Ahh, yes ME, I can feel all the little bumps. Two here. One there.
DEPPUTIZED
Oh yes Don Juan! Read me like a book!
(later…much later)
Man, after that personal reading I think I need a Shag.
Damn, no matches. Hey RusT, got a match in that bag?
RUSTYRED
Danglies, 45’s, autograph, business card, 6 rub on tattoos,
paper umbrellas,salt for slugs…I mean Debb…nope,
sorry ME, no matches. Maybe my red-haired buddy has some.
*sound of lighter catches their attention*
HELPFUL STRANGER
Does someone need assistance?
*RusT and ME look at each other, then to stranger*
DEPPUTIZED (whispers to RusT)
Hmmm…I “kneed” to be tied to the kitchen chair.
HELPFUL STRANGER
I’ll see what I can do.
RUSTY
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
DEPPUTIZED
Hallelujah! What are we waiting for!!!
IDZY
Great, leave me in a lurch HICCUP. That’s right!
Run off you three! HICCUP. Maybe Sweeny can help.
*heads to Sweeny’s Meat Pie And Barber Shoppe*
“Welcome Idzy”
IDZY
Damn! Listen! No more hiccups.
SWEENY
Not here for a shave? Bikini wax---my way?
IDZY (eyeing razor blade)
I don’t think so Todd. But I hear you have some
sweet meat.
SWEENY
A pleasure to be of service.
I’ll be right back.
*Goes to back room where CHOCOLAT is waiting*
CHOC
Oh there you are Sweeny! I’m still waiting
for my holster.
*Sweeny runs side of blade across Choc’s cheek, bringing a shiver*
SWEENY
But the beauty of it Chocolat is that you have a holster.
Perfect for my…uhm…special blade.
Shall we see how it fits?
*more shivers*
CHOC
Be gentle..I am a Sweeny Virgin.
SWEENY
Easily remedied.
(out in the Shoppe)
“Pardon me Idzy”
“I have been searching for my lady love. Have you seen her?”
IDZY
*Hiccup* Damn it!
If you’re talking about Choc, she’s in the back with Todd.
*Bursts thru door just before Sweeny packs his blade*
WILMOT
My lady. Is this your preference? His blade instead of my cane?
CHOC
uhmm? well…I need to think…
WILMOT
So be it then! I shall be at the Bells! Good Day!
*at the Bells*
Even now George, I am pining for her.
HANNAH (elbowing George out of the way)
No worries your Lordship. Here, have a Grape Zest on the house.
Idzy won’t mind. Then maybe you can head over to the DeppLanes
for a pick-me-up. Aggie and Tommy are putting on a charity
bowl-a-rama. If you got ‘em Aggie
will polish your balls.
WILMOT
I shall partake of the festivities.
*Heads to DeppLanes*
What is this? I was told Aggie was the ball polisher
TOMMY
Oh right, well, she’s on break now. We’re filling in.
Hey, what do you think you’re doing?
WILMOT
I was told you would polish my…
TOMMY
Sorry. Guess there’s a mix up. Hey! Wilmot, where ya going?
*Wilmot storms out of DeppLane…returns to Sweeny’s*
I want my lady and I want her NOW!
CHOC *exiting back room*
Oh your Lordship. So glad you’re back. Sweeny showed me how to use my holster.
WILMOT
Where is that scoundrel? How dare he---I shall beat him to an inch
of his life and then I shall…
CHOC
Rochester, hold your water. See, a new holster to hold
my lipstick.
WILMOT
To the carriage madam! I shall show you how to use your holster!
CHOC
Tee Hee
WILMOT *swinging around to face ST*
“This is not over”
*Leaves Shoppe*
SMITTEN
What was that all about?
SWEENY
Something about it not being over. Lest does he knows,
I never forget. Never mind. What is it dear Smitten? Problems with the pies?
SMITTEN
No but I have ants in my pants because this arrived.
But I didn’t realize how big it was and I can’t get it in the door.
You’re not going to forbid me to have it because it’s so big are you?
SWEENY
I have never forbidden big things in here have I?
SMITTEN
*checking out Sweeny’s holster*
No, no you haven’t. Let’s go in the back and make those
meat pies.
*Enters SHUTTERBUG*
Excuse me, I’m here from the Deppville News. My editor, Jenny,
sent me over to take a pic of your new place. Hey, nice chair,
Sweeny.
SWEENY *gets into chair*
Yes, it is the perfect chair.
Care to try it out with me?
*Across town, Deppville Cemetery*
GISELLE and CELINE
Exuse me sir. We seem to be lost.
FRIED CHICKEN MAN
Lost without a map are you?
CELINE
Matter of fact, we are. Can you help us?
FCM
Uhmm…not sure.
*slides glasses down to look at the girls.
Giselle promptly turns into a puddle…*
Oh my, what should we do with her?
CELINE
No problem.
*Scoops her up in Fried Chicken Bucket*
Nothing but breasts and thighs.
FCM
Come back to my place. I can show you a
finger-licking good time.
*steps over dancing emoties*
FCM
Go home kids. MPJ is waiting for you.
*Emoties bounce home*
(At The Bells)
BLAKE
Barkeep, I’d like a beer please. What flavors do you have?
FANNY *whacking side of Blake’s head*
Flavours? Flavours? Been yanking your six gun one too many
times boy? Beer does not come in flavours! You want flavours
go down to the Kool Aid Stand. Geesh!
What does it take to edu-ma-cate you peoplez…and yes!
That’s people with a Z!
LEJAE
I’m with you Fanny! How about you and me and a DeppCharge?
Anyone else?
CA MAN
I’m buying LaJae!
LAJAE
For you, I’m for sale! I mean, sure sure, I accept if you’re buying.
Fanny what about you?
FANNY
I ain’t paying for your drinks.
LAJAE
No, I mean, are you joining us for a drink?
CA MAN
And look Fanny, it comes in a souvenir glass.
FANNY
As much as I’m tempted have to turn ya all down.
I know, I know, you’re so disappointed. Buck up!
I got a responsibility. Taking Rusty out in the morning
to see a Tequila Sunrise. Just call me Saint Fanny.
Long way to Mexicalli tho.
Think I might need a driver.
Any takers?
Uhmm…no thanks Sands. Looks like you’re already in a Tequila sunset.
I need a better designated driver.
Never mind. I’ll take the bus as long as that monkey ain’t driving.
First tho I’m gonna stop at the pickle stand.
New owner I hear.
AmryJR
Pick a peck of pickled peppered pickles…free samples today!
FANNY
I’ll take a peck-full. How many pickles does it take to make a
full peck by the way?
AmryJR
These are HUGE-ish pickles so it only takes one to make a peck.
FANNY
Then give me a Bushel to go along with that peck.
Gotta long drive ahead of me. Thought maybe Wilma
might tag along. Anyone seen her?
AmryJR
Check the library.
*heads to library*
FANNY
Hey Dewey! How ya dewing?
Seen Wilma?
“We’re playing hide and seek. …67…68…69! Ready or not here I come!”
FANNY
Not the thickest book on the shelf is he? Never mind.
Story Time Guy! Hey! Seen Wilma?
“She told the world to screw it”
FANNY
Well crap, then guess it’s just me and Rusty…ok..catch you later.
WILMA
But I was right here all the time ST Guy. I just wanted to do a little reading.
STG
I know but I liked what you said. So, wanna
see my pop-up?
ARUAM
Oh! Sorry I was looking for books I needed for college.
STG
Aruam, darling, you need to head over to the book store.
I don’t think Miss Debb will let you take the library books
for a whole semester.
ARUAM
Right! Thanks…hi Wilma! Bye Wilma! BTW, nice pop-up!
*outside Deppville Courthouse*
VIANNE
Hoist the colours!
WENCHIE
Aye! Aye!
I love the colours…I love to wave at them as they fly.
Chofy (Pointing at flag)
Ha Ha!
WENCHIE
What!
VIANNE
What!
JACK
What! That’s not me colours! That looks like…Todd!
What’s the barber doing on me flag?
WENCHIE
Oh that? I made a new flag, in honor of our new resident.
Don’t you like it?
JACK
Let me whisper me answer
Don’t mess with me goods luv.
WENCHIE
But I thought you liked it when I played with your goods,
especially your oboe.
JACK
Oye! Tis not your oboe playing I be talking about…tis the flag.
Mr. Gibbs!
GIBBS
Aye Capt’n?
Please bring that flag down. Tis making me feel the need for rum.
GIBBS (mumbling)
That not be a surprise t’anyone.
JACK
What was that Mr. Gibbs?
GIBBS
What! I said tis be a surprise to everyone to see the new flag,
twas all I said Captain.
JACK
Very well. On with it man. And as for you two!
Me thinks you and Vianne need a bit of the Captain’s
personal discipline.
Vianne, you must learn how to
properly hoist a flag up me mast and you Wenchie…
sword polishing for yerself. Tis fair I think.
TEAGUE
A moment of yer time boy.
JACK
Sorry but bit busy. As ye see, I am about to..
TEAGUE
I heard ye boy. But ye forgot the Code.
A Captain can not have his mast hoisted or sword polished
at the same time by two crew members.
JACK
Guess I missed that code.
But ye see, the beauty of it,
Vianne and Wenchie aren’t card-holding members of me crew
but I have something in need of holding thus it will only be
after the holding will they become members and be part of me
crew and then I can go back to abiding by the code.
Savy?
GIBBS
The flag is up Jack
JACK
Thank you Mr. Gibbs. Now there’s a crew member who knows how
to hoist…oh never mind…ladies…to me cabin!
IDZY
HICCUP! say Teague, any remedies in that Code Book
for hiccups?
TEAGUE
Sure Mayor. Just follow me to the back room.
(Hour later Jack returns)
JACK
Say Teague. The concert’s about to start and Debb
was looking for Idzy.
Any ideas where the lass got to?
TEAGUE
I fixed her hiccups
JACK
Oye! I think ol’Jack will be taking ye to Tia’s for
a sprucing up Idzy.
(Outside Concert Hall)
EPS (stapling Aug. Concert flyer to Hut)
There that should do it! Got another one Ed?
Swell of you to ask me to help EPS with your posting,
and I appreciate your enthusiasm.
But don’t you see what’s wrong with this picture?
*Both step back to see Hut covered top to bottom in flyers*
EPS
Oh yeah. Look missed a spot. Thanks Ed. Keen eyes.
ED
The keenest in Deppville!
*Concession Stand Row*
MOHO
Say Lara. What are you offering tonight?
LARA
Had a run on the Naughty Sausages, so all out.
How about the Cuttlefish Spaghetti.
MORT
Why does it look like that?”
LAR
The secret is leaving it out
all night. Lets it marinate.
MOHO
Hmmm…got anything with a little crunch?
LARA
Here try this.
MORT
Odd flavor. What is it?
LARA
Hog jowl.
MORT
Oh God!
LARA
Hey, what do you expect? I work for peanuts here!
Kat! Howdy girl. Where’ve you been?
KAT
Stuck all day at the house. Plumbing problems.
LARA
Sorry to hear that. Did you get your pipes cleaned?
KAT
Yeah, figuratively and literally.
*minds drifts to plumber*
*shakes and clears head*
Well, off to the concert. See you there!
*Over At Tia’s shack*
JACK
Tia, darlin’, me thinks there was more to Idzy
than this.
If yo’ dunt want her, geeve her bak
JACK
No! My Idzy! Never mind. I’ll find someone else
t’help
Come here boy! Look at this map. See this town?
I want you to take Idzy to this place. Known for resurrections.
WILL
Will this help Idzy?
JACK
How much do you know about Collingsport and Barnabas Collins?
WILL
Not much.
JACK
Then yes, it will help Idzy. Now don’t come back
till Idzy’s one piece and her hiccups are cured.
I’ll be over at the Concert.
DEPPVILLE CONCERT HALL
*Little pre-show entertainment*
Hunnies applaud.
Jones bows/leaves stage
EMCEE
Good Evening everyone.
Welcome and thank you for joining
us at this month’s charity event.
Please ignore the placard on the front.
We didn’t have time to paint over it
so let me begin by introducing the recipient
of tonight’s benefit.
Someone who gives unselfishly of himself.
There when the Hunnies need him.
*JACK primps self ready for award*
Please give a hand to Debb’s own, NG!
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
JACK
What!
NG (Temping Cricket's FishSop Wet Bar while she's
out of town)
What!
*Goes up to accept, Debb gives congratulatory kiss…
whoops and hollers*
NG
I don’t know what to say.
EMCEE
Well, NG, it’s obvious how happy you are at getting
this award.
NG *placing award strategically in front of him*
I really don’t do anything special
DEBB
One man’s opinion.
EMCEE
This is for the times you bring cream
filled cannolis ,for birthday massages,
and entertaining us with your
special cozies.
For deligently rising
*Hunnies giggle*
early in the morning and delivering
the Deppville News and always pointing us
in the right direction when a Hunnie astray.
NG
Thank you. Thank you all!
EMCEE
Now with no further a-dew. Debb and the Trio will sing
a song that reflects not only how she feels about you
but I am sure it will touch a cord for each Hunnie
and their special someone. Take it away Debb!
The first, the last, my everything
And the answer to all my dreams
You're my sun
my moon,
my guiding star
My kind of wonderful, that's what you are
I kno w there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
You're all I'm living for
Your love I'll keep for evermore
You're the first, your the last, my everything
And with you I've found so many things
A love so new only you could bring
Can't you see it's you
You make me feel this way
You're like a fresh morning dew on a brand new day
I see so many ways that I
Can love you till the day I die
You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a-a-a a dream
You're the first, the last, my everything
I know there's only, only one like you
There's no way they could have made two
Boy you're my reality
But I'm lost in a-a-a a dream
You're the first, you're the last, my everything
*Hunnies get up sing and dancing…heading out of Hall*
“Our first, our last, our everything!”
DEBB
Well, I think they’re happy.
NG
I know I am. Thank you.
DEBB
Oh, NG, you and all the guys here in Deppville..
you’re the ones we need to thank. You make each and every one of us happy. Deliciously wicked happy.
NG
Then can I interest you in a Fuzzy Navel over at the Bells to celebrate?
DEBB
I accept your offer…but not at the Bells, if you get my drift?
NG
After you!
*Turn out lights, shut door, head home…few minutes later*
IDZY (Bursting thru Concert Hall door)
Hey! I’m back! Is the concert over?
HICCUP!
Damn!
Barry White
You’re my first, my last, my everything
Scroll to song #7
http://www.amazon.com/Barry-White-All-Ti...842&sr=1-1