03-01-2008, 07:13 AM
March 2008 Concert: Bubbly (Starts In My Toes)
DEPPVILLE’s WJDEPP TV Station
ED
Start the opening credits!
FANNY
Yeah, yeah, yeah you crib-midgets. It’s me
Miss Fanny. Your hostess with the mostess
*takes swig of Stella*
Sidebar with me for a moment boys and girls.
How the hell did I get this gig?
Let me take a look and see.
Hold up! What’s this posty on my mirror…
(reads aloud)
“DO BEE—VER”
Oh yeah, that’s a laugh. Damn noobies! I’m taking
names,hear me? And I don’t take notes like Debb.
All up here!
*taps temple,then whispers to sideline*
Write this down Freddie….
“Chofy”
“Pegs”
“Puddles”
“Silly Wench”
“Tater Girl”
FRED
Tater Girl? No, Fanny, MoHo ,aka Tater Tots, isn’t a noobie.
FANNY
Not her, damn it, get the grape stems out of your ears, or
you been hitting that grape soda over at Hannah’s Subway?
No, I meant MashedPotatoesAnyone. Write it down. You know
how to spell it don’t you?
“P…O…T…A…”
MOHO
Come Mort, I don’t think she meant it literally.
FANNY
Got that right MoHo. This isn’t the Deppville Spelling Bee.
That’s next week’s episode. Speaking of bees lets get
back to the DO BEE mirror and see who got me into
this mess.
Babs! I knew it! I see ya laying around on that sofa.
No wait---she’s moving---moseying about town in
her robe and slippers. Roux’s slipping, letting her out
like that! And Babsy…slept on one too many sidewalks
if you thought I took this willingly. Red carpet treatment
is what I want for this.
*Babs waves to Fanny from mirror
“Whatever you say dar-ling”—mirror blanks out*
What the? Now I can’t see anything..bad as posting…
Get back to that later. Hold on to this mirror for me, Captain.”
“Ol’Jack ‘ill keep it stored safely away fer ye Miss Fanny,
right here…in me little Kitty Kat pocket…;
it is quite roomy…wanna take a peek”
FANNY
Little Kitty Kat pocket?
Fancy term for Pussy Pocket, is it pirate?
As far as peeking, maybe later, but not the pocket…
Okay, special guest today is from our sister station
Down-Under-On-Your-Head TV affiliate and their hostess.
You know her by her Magic Mirror. Flashes green
whenever you adjust your rabbit ears. Now boys and girls,
you know Miss Fanny means that in a nice way…
never harm real bunnies to try to get TV reception.
Enough now with the PETA commercial.
Take it away Miss Beanie!
(Miss Beanie in action)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i59Z8aCx7...re=related
*Camera shoots back to Fanny, feet up, sucking down a Whistle”
FANNY
Uh, what? We’re back? Great, didn’t get to finish this.
Missy Beans, maybe you shoulda taken the rugrats out
to find cardinals.
BEANIE (still on live feed)
We don’t have cardinals here Miss Fanny.
FANNY
That’s my point. Would have taken up air time.
Never mind. And take those wallabie-wannabe’s out shopping.
Who ties shoes anymore?
Nice pair of heels, that’s all a girl needs.
Ok. Moving forward, though sometimes I like it backwards,
just saying…who’s next Jenny? Miss Jenny’s our
NewsHound Extraordinaire and Producer.
Whatcha producing for us today?
JENNY (Executive Producer)
We have CC The Rabbit. Welcome CC!
CC!
FANNY
Oh great, should have warned me or I wouldn’t have
used that rabbit ears line…ah, who we kidding,
sure I would-a. Let’s have a lookie at the wabbit.
FANNY
Hold up! Are those my mutlucks! You stole my mutlucks!
Give ‘em back!
*wrestles mutlucks off CC*
CC
That’s no way to treat the Deppville Romper Room Rabbit!
You’re going to hear from my law firm! M-R-S, Inc.
That’s right, I got the best!
Messy, Rough, and Shirtless!
Got their card from Choc!
*waves card—Fanny snatches it—reads it, admires photo on card*
FANNY
Yeah, I know them. Tried to take me to court over that
Johanna Bird when I wouldn’t let her sing on the show.
She messed with the wrong Hunnie, talk about the cat
that ate the canary…yeah, yeah, I know, another shot
at critters. Don’t be writing me letters and if you do,
direct them to Idzy or Babs or Jenny.
Alright CC, go take a seat over there.
CC
But I thought you were saving that seat for JJDI?
FANNY
She’s on the side of a mountain playing a goat
or sleeping under the snow…either way, it’s an empty spot,
so park yourself.
JJDI and goats, ye say luv?
Would ye like to go pay a visit to JJDI, Gertie?
FANNY
Pirate Boy, get the goat outta here.
Bad enough we still
got Rusty’s Red Beaver running around here.
Being usurped by Noah’s Ark, I tell ya!
Ok, Jen…next guest.
JENNY
From our out-West station, AZ3-TV, we have Smitten,
Wenchie and Lara….what the?????
“Sorry lay-dees. The girls are under the weather out here
so I’m filling in. Let’s start off with the Do-Bee mirror,
Vegas style, shall we?
*feed is cut off*
FANNY
Hey what happened? I was rather enjoying that freak show.
“Not my intention to disturb you Miss Fanny, but as
Safety and Censorship Inspector, it certainly wouldn’t
do to have the innocent young minds of Deppville
corrupted would it? Aruam and Quiet Pirate are so
vulnerable y’know?
JENNY
Inspector? I thought Celine was the Inspector?
BEADLE
She was moved to new department.
Measures and Weights.
Keeps her eye on the founder’s pants and what-nots.
FANNY
What-nuts?
BEADLE
No, Fanny dearest. What-nots. Please you’re
straining my generous nature as far as the censorship.
Again, I must remind you about the Vulnerables
such as Aruam and Quiet Pirate.
Wouldn’t want t’be corrupting them, you know?
FANNY
Suppose not. You’re the expert.
*looks to Jenny…both burst out laughing*
BEADLE *unleashes his deadly cane*
Tis not a laughing matter, ladies.
FANNY (unimpressed, unleashing deadly high heel)
Back up Beadle boy…I got heels and I know how to
use them and we’re laughing because you called
Aruam and QP vulnerable…and what was that other
word-of-the-day Jenny?
JENNY
Innocent (hides laugh behind clipboard)
By the way, who called you Beadle?
BEADLE
Would have been the lovely AMRY. She was concerned
about the amount of pussies that’s been wandering about.
The hairballs an’ such they leave behind.
*BEADLE gets smacked by snowball*
VIANNE
I found the snow! I found the snow!
How’s that for a ball Beadle, Beadle, Beadle?
Here comes another!
AGGIE
Look Tommy, they’re throwing balls.
I suddenly have an urge to go “bowling”.
TOMMY
I think I can “spare” the time!
(Aggie and Tommy run off)
VIANNE
Here’s another one! Duck!
*sound of crashing glass*
Oh-oh! That wasn’t me! I’m outta here!
TODD
My regrets Miss Fanny. ME stumbled over my…uhm…strop.
I blocked her with my body parts so I do believe she is fine,
but the Big Mirror, alas has suffered.
FANNY
Forgiven and forgotten. No worries.
We got plenty more where that came from.
ME (sing song “I’m your friend” voice)
I think I bumped my head, Mr Todd
(Todd looks)
TODD
Indeed, you are right ME. Come with me and we
shall find something to help you recover.
ME
Oh! I’ll come with you Mr. Todd!
In fact let me lead the way!
Twelve steps to recovery!
FANNY
Oh good! Victor! New mirror!
TRUDY
It Is A Fine Mirror! Thank You Victor!
You Are As Good A Treasure Hunter As Miss Ellie.
What Does This Mirror Show Us?
VICTOR
“Let us look together TruD, shall we?”
TRUDY
Why It’s Mayor Idzy! Howdy Idzy!
“Hey TruD and all the Hunnies!
No time to chit-chat.
Taking advantage of the crappy weather
and working my rice paddies,
which paddies remind me of Paddy,
which is Irish which makes me think of the Irish
and of course, Roux is Irish and thinking of Roux,
makes me think of Babsy and hope she’s feeling better
and all the other sickies as well, and speaking of wells,
as you can see, don’t need water here.
Plenty of water, which brings me to rain and
hoping Beanie gets her rain soon since all
she has is sunshine, which brings to mind
“Good morning Sunshine” no wait,
ha ha…that was Starshine…my bad,
sorry Willie..and btw, Willie boy, I got an idea.
How about Chocolate Rice Crispie Treats?
I got the rice, you got the chocolate…or is that Roux
who has that or maybe I’m thinking Ellie,
no, she goes by Chocolat…either way what do you think?”
IDZY
Yeah, guess you’re right. Never mind. Love you all!
See you all later!
*mirror fades out*
FANNY
Well that was exhausting! I need another freakin’ drink!
Are these whelps still here? I’m finished bonding
with the midgets. Make yourself useful…go stop traffic
with your face or something.
Okay, what’s next on the agenda?
JENNY
I believe we’re going down…
FANNY
Hey! Careful what you say Jennikins!
Don’t want Beadle back in here!
JENNY
I was saying…down in the basement of the
Bells to Miss Kazren’s Kreative Korner.
FANNY
Back the bus up. You’re not Kazren.
SWEENEY
Of course…not. She’s downstairs in her cozy corner.
FANNY
I thought you were taking care of ME.
SWEENEY
She’s recovering from her recovery.
Meanwhile, how about a shave…I mean shaved ice.
Would you like a drink with shaved ice?
FANNY
Sure, sure, send it over to the studio.
Let’s switch to Kaz’s place…there she is! Morning Kazzie!
Whatcha up to today?
KAZREN
Good morning Miss Fanny and to all the other Hunnies.
Today is “Put On Your Happy Face Day”
I have my little helper with me today. Take a look.
FANNY
I thought Ichabod was your “little helper”
KAZREN
He is normally, but he’s never too keen on me
using him as a subject of my creative juices….watch..
*approaches Ich with paintbrush*
“I’m allergic Kaz!”
KAZREN
Poor thing. Frighten of everything he is.
The other day one of KittyKat’s pussies crossed his path.
Wasn’t a pretty sight.
So I’m using William.
FANNY
Well Billy Boy doesn’t look none too pleased there KAZ.
KAZREN (sighs)
You would be right Miss Fanny. He felt I short-changed him.
FANNY
Short changed him? You paid him to look like that?
KAZREN
No no, he’s trying to get me to make him look like Jack.
JACK
And we all know,luv…only Captain Jack Sparrow looks like …well…me!
FANNY
Bye Kaz. Catch you later Jack for that peek.
Speaking of peeking, let’s take a gander at Chocolat
and see what…what? What the hell is this?
“You were gandering Miss Fanny.
I saw you, yes, you were gandering and…”
*Fanny throws tablecloth over mirror*
FANNY
Mrs Lovett’s Cockroaches! Get me another mirror somebody,
this one’s been infected.
TOBY
“Nuttin’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around”
FANNy
Hey who let the pint-sized Pie Packer in? Off with ya
Go clean the oven or something and where the hell is
that delivery of shaved ice drink Todd promised!
DELIVERY BOY
“Sorry Miss Fanny, takes me a few trips to deliver.
Always seem to arrive with an empty glass and
I brought you a new mirror too.”
FANNY
‘bout time, I say.
Was getting ready to increase the line
at the unemployment office.
Let’s see the mirror and who’s up next.
Now you’re talking!
*Mirror becomes static, loses picture…FANNY scans the crowd*
Hey you! BeadleBack Mountain…yeah, you!
What’s the idea?
BEADLE
Just doin’ me civic duty, Miss Fanny.
No hoisting the colors on general tv,
ye know what I mean? I do not take me job lightly.
Continue.
FANNY *disgruntled*
Okay, okay, back to the mirror. It’s Game Time everyone.
Miss Chocolat…you there?
*Giggles and other noises…before Mirror focuses*
FANNY *smacks mirror*
Hey Choc! Front and center woman!
CHOCOLAT
Oh! Oh! Back up Johnny!
WILMOT
But Miss Fanny said front and center, my dove.
CHOCOLAT
We already did it that way …tee hee…oh I forgot!
We’re live! Wilmot, give me a minute.
ROCHESTER
I can give you more than a minute my angel.
CHOCOLAT
Hold that thought.
*eyes drift down*
Yeah, hold that too.
*turns to mirror*
Hanky wave to you Miss Fanny and to all
four directions of the Universe. Game Time you say?
Yes, right, and a fine game of
Button Button Who’s Got the Button.
Want to play John? Don’t make me play by myself.
Wipe that smirk off your face,
I said BY myself…not…never mind…okay Button Game!
*counts off buttons*
One undone…two undone…three undone…four undone”
WILMOT
“I’m not playing!”
CHOCOLAT
Too late, you’re already in the game. Now let me finish.
WILMOT
But you have undone all my shirt buttons.
CHOCOLAT
So I have. Guess we’ll have to work on the other buttons,yes?
WILMOT
As you wish
CHOCOLAT
“six undone…seven undone…’
*mirror blacks out—FANNY throws evil eye to BEADLE*
FANNY
Damn it Beadle! Can we have at least one show
without your interference?
BEADLE
GLADly, Miss Fanny. Just give me a show that
I don’t have to censor.
FANNY
Yeah, like who’s gonna help me with that?
Any volunteers?
“We could do something with my new chair?”
FANNY
“Thanks Razor-boy, but somehow I don’t see that working out.
Any one else? Maybe the mirror can be of assistance.
Who’s got the mirror that Martini Guy delivered?”
SANDS
Right here Miss Fanny
WILMA *tackling Sands*
Be calm everyone! I have it under control!
SANDS
What are you doing Wilma? Help me Fanny!
FANNY
What and spoil the show? Though I am curious Miss Wilma,
why the pounce?
*Sands manages to get Wilma off, Wilma stares at Sands*
WILMA (realizing her mistake she now holds in her hand)
It’s a mustache? I thought it was some fuzzy creature
from south of the border.
FANNY
Watch it Wilma baby. You’ll get us censored again!
SANDS
May I have it back?
WILMA
Sure sure, let me put it on you. There. Much better.
FANNY
Give me that mirror! Okay, who’s up to bat now?
Eps, boys and girls, I see Missy Eps and what is she doing?
*Do Bee Mirror zooms in*
EPS
Happy Day to you Miss Fanny. I am here with my
Donnie-Bee-Good Helper and we are learning the
importance of a good breakfast.
Always start with a well stocked cupboard
FANNY
Is that EEVO I see Miss Eps? How’s that fit into breakfast?
Where’s the syrup?
EPS
Oh Miss Fanny, EEVO fills in nicely when you run short
of Miss Butterworths
Well, off to have Donnie scramble my eggs.
FANNY
Sure, that’s what you’re calling it now. Okay, bye Eps-baby.
Moving right along….wait a minute…
*Singing filters from the mirror*
“Green finch, linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird…how is it..”
*fanny beats Magic Compact Mirror on desk*
Out damn you! Out I say! This mirror’s possessed!
Get me a new one, pronto!
JENNY
My name’s Jenny,not Pronto.
FYA
REG REG REG…I’ll get a new one myself.
*stomps to nearby door…opens it unannounced*
“Hey, got a Magic Mirror in here?”
“Please shut the door Miss Fanny, can’t you see we’re studying.”
FANNY
We..We?
FAVED (from under the table)
Oh Miss Fanny! Are you studying French with Miss Wenchie?
FANNY
Yeah, but I call it the Tongue Language.
Learned it from The Parlay Stone course that Jack taught.
FAVED (peeking out)
The Parlay Stone? Don’t you mean the Rosetta Stone?
FANNY (turning to other room)
Hey Jack, come show FaveD the Parlay Stone.
See, and when you complete the course you get a coupon
for The Rusty Baugette. Hey Jack! That’s my coupon,
damn it all! You stole my coupon! Now he's gonna get the
best of Rusty's baugette.
“Someone stole your coupon Miss Fanny?”
FANNY
Yeah, why don’t you go shovel his ass out of this place?
No better yet, just find me a new mirror.
FaveD’s too busy studying. What you can you pull out…
*looks quickly around, sees Beadle*
out of your hat…I was gonna say, out of his hat!
BEADLE
Surely you didn’t think I thought otherwise, Miss Fanny.
FANNY
Don’t care what you think Beadle-Juice.
Now hows about a Mirror. Someone best get
me a new mirror or they’ll be up the river without a...
KAT
No please please Fanny I’ll find you a mirror.
Just don’t summon Joan Rivers!
Was bad enough Choc mentioned her, now you!
I’ll get a mirror! Don’t go away!
*runs off to find mirror*
FANNY *yelling after her*
The only place I’ll run to is the Bells! Damn straight!
Stool with my name on it!
“Excuse me, Miss Fanny”
“Have you seen Kat. I got this problem every time
I cough or laugh and someone said she might help me.”
FANNY *pointing*
Catch her if you can, but don’t let me catch you
making puddles around here. Bad enough we got
one Puddles on our list…she’s still on the list, right Freddie?
Freddie? Freddie? Where’d he go?
(at Fred’s house)
“I’m playing with my Puddles…my Puddles..my Puddles”
FANNY
Forget Kat. Try LaJae.
She’s installing outhouses all over the backyards of Deppville.
(Next door)
“Not only fine upstanding outhouses, but she stocks a little something to freshen yerself afters.”
FANNY (still talking to guy with problem)
An outhouse, that’s what you need.
You might get lucky and find one.
Now vamoose before you let your water break.
And still no Freddie? Can’t get decent help.
Not that I don’t mind indecent help now and again.
Ah, Kat, a new mirror. Let’s see.
Okay Missy, wtf is this showing me?
KAT
It’s the new Concert Hall.
FANNY
Well check the basement and divvy up the gold dust,
boys and girls! It’s concert time…let’s all watch shall we?
Whats up Debb?
*mirror flickers to inside concert hall*
DEBB
Howdy Miss Fanny and all the fine Hunnies of Deppville.
*nudged by NG*
What? You think you’re Wilma? Oh right…and all the fine
men of Deppville. Just yanking your…
FANNY
Watch it Debb! Beadle Bailey is snooping around!
DEBB
Thanks for the heads up…I mean warning Fanny!
So now its time for a little music.
Do all you boys and girls have your instruments in hand?
*looks off side of mirror*
Ummm, NG, that’s not an instrument.
No I’m not going to…
never mind…and stop quoting Humphry Bogart
and that whistling line….I’m doing a show here…sorry
…let’s see, where was I…oh yes…
The Band is ready, so let’s get this show started..
Captain, if you please… a little magic to open the show.
*music starts….images begin to appear*
I've been awake for a while now
You make me feel like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place
It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore
It starts in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
What am I going to say
When you make me feel this way
I just mmmmm
And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
And it stats in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
feeling shows
'cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight
Wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever wherever wherever you go
wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while
*Magic Mirror fades back*
FANNY (tapping mirror)
Hey! Hey! Whereever he went I wanna go! Get back here!
Who makes these mirrors?
*Jenny gives address---Fanny runs outside, beats on window of occupied taxi*
“You! Out! Now!”
“But Fanny, I paid for this cab already.”
FANNY
Well good, then I won’t have to pay will I?. Now either scoot or boot, your choice!
*Gene scoots over, Fanny gives address of Magik Mirror Company, bursts through door*
Alright, which one of you’s in charge? I gotta defective mirror here. What! Uh! Who are you?”
“Eff you doona wanna it…giff it bak”
FANNY *clinging to mirror*
No, it’s mine and you canna haff it, so back off MoJo. I just want the head honcho. This mirror’s becoming a challenge, you know what I mean.”
*Reply comes from above…footfall on stairs*
CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP
“Dinna I hear a challenge-a?”
*Looks around seeing only TIA*
Who was it Ti-a?”
TIA
Twas the wooo-man from that show
JONES
Aye, I ‘new d’one ye speak of. Dinna she leave t’mirror fer me t’fix?
TIA
She did.
*looks around, mirror is missing*
She left it right there…on the table, I swear it.
Where could’ve it gone, Davy Jones?
“Jack Sparrow!”
(back at the TV station)
FANNY
Hey..Sparrow…this is MY mirror…you’re trying to sell me my own mirror back!
JACK
Oh is it? Didn’t notice.
FANNY
Whaddya got to say for yourself?
FANNY
Never mind. Let’s head to the Bells for cold one.
JACK
Oh…I like the sound of that!
See you all next month!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92PebvyHz_k
DEPPVILLE’s WJDEPP TV Station
ED
Start the opening credits!
FANNY
Yeah, yeah, yeah you crib-midgets. It’s me
Miss Fanny. Your hostess with the mostess
*takes swig of Stella*
Sidebar with me for a moment boys and girls.
How the hell did I get this gig?
Let me take a look and see.
Hold up! What’s this posty on my mirror…
(reads aloud)
“DO BEE—VER”
Oh yeah, that’s a laugh. Damn noobies! I’m taking
names,hear me? And I don’t take notes like Debb.
All up here!
*taps temple,then whispers to sideline*
Write this down Freddie….
“Chofy”
“Pegs”
“Puddles”
“Silly Wench”
“Tater Girl”
FRED
Tater Girl? No, Fanny, MoHo ,aka Tater Tots, isn’t a noobie.
FANNY
Not her, damn it, get the grape stems out of your ears, or
you been hitting that grape soda over at Hannah’s Subway?
No, I meant MashedPotatoesAnyone. Write it down. You know
how to spell it don’t you?
“P…O…T…A…”
MOHO
Come Mort, I don’t think she meant it literally.
FANNY
Got that right MoHo. This isn’t the Deppville Spelling Bee.
That’s next week’s episode. Speaking of bees lets get
back to the DO BEE mirror and see who got me into
this mess.
Babs! I knew it! I see ya laying around on that sofa.
No wait---she’s moving---moseying about town in
her robe and slippers. Roux’s slipping, letting her out
like that! And Babsy…slept on one too many sidewalks
if you thought I took this willingly. Red carpet treatment
is what I want for this.
*Babs waves to Fanny from mirror
“Whatever you say dar-ling”—mirror blanks out*
What the? Now I can’t see anything..bad as posting…
Get back to that later. Hold on to this mirror for me, Captain.”
“Ol’Jack ‘ill keep it stored safely away fer ye Miss Fanny,
right here…in me little Kitty Kat pocket…;
it is quite roomy…wanna take a peek”
FANNY
Little Kitty Kat pocket?
Fancy term for Pussy Pocket, is it pirate?
As far as peeking, maybe later, but not the pocket…
Okay, special guest today is from our sister station
Down-Under-On-Your-Head TV affiliate and their hostess.
You know her by her Magic Mirror. Flashes green
whenever you adjust your rabbit ears. Now boys and girls,
you know Miss Fanny means that in a nice way…
never harm real bunnies to try to get TV reception.
Enough now with the PETA commercial.
Take it away Miss Beanie!
(Miss Beanie in action)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i59Z8aCx7...re=related
*Camera shoots back to Fanny, feet up, sucking down a Whistle”
FANNY
Uh, what? We’re back? Great, didn’t get to finish this.
Missy Beans, maybe you shoulda taken the rugrats out
to find cardinals.
BEANIE (still on live feed)
We don’t have cardinals here Miss Fanny.
FANNY
That’s my point. Would have taken up air time.
Never mind. And take those wallabie-wannabe’s out shopping.
Who ties shoes anymore?
Nice pair of heels, that’s all a girl needs.
Ok. Moving forward, though sometimes I like it backwards,
just saying…who’s next Jenny? Miss Jenny’s our
NewsHound Extraordinaire and Producer.
Whatcha producing for us today?
JENNY (Executive Producer)
We have CC The Rabbit. Welcome CC!
CC!
FANNY
Oh great, should have warned me or I wouldn’t have
used that rabbit ears line…ah, who we kidding,
sure I would-a. Let’s have a lookie at the wabbit.
FANNY
Hold up! Are those my mutlucks! You stole my mutlucks!
Give ‘em back!
*wrestles mutlucks off CC*
CC
That’s no way to treat the Deppville Romper Room Rabbit!
You’re going to hear from my law firm! M-R-S, Inc.
That’s right, I got the best!
Messy, Rough, and Shirtless!
Got their card from Choc!
*waves card—Fanny snatches it—reads it, admires photo on card*
FANNY
Yeah, I know them. Tried to take me to court over that
Johanna Bird when I wouldn’t let her sing on the show.
She messed with the wrong Hunnie, talk about the cat
that ate the canary…yeah, yeah, I know, another shot
at critters. Don’t be writing me letters and if you do,
direct them to Idzy or Babs or Jenny.
Alright CC, go take a seat over there.
CC
But I thought you were saving that seat for JJDI?
FANNY
She’s on the side of a mountain playing a goat
or sleeping under the snow…either way, it’s an empty spot,
so park yourself.
JJDI and goats, ye say luv?
Would ye like to go pay a visit to JJDI, Gertie?
FANNY
Pirate Boy, get the goat outta here.
Bad enough we still
got Rusty’s Red Beaver running around here.
Being usurped by Noah’s Ark, I tell ya!
Ok, Jen…next guest.
JENNY
From our out-West station, AZ3-TV, we have Smitten,
Wenchie and Lara….what the?????
“Sorry lay-dees. The girls are under the weather out here
so I’m filling in. Let’s start off with the Do-Bee mirror,
Vegas style, shall we?
*feed is cut off*
FANNY
Hey what happened? I was rather enjoying that freak show.
“Not my intention to disturb you Miss Fanny, but as
Safety and Censorship Inspector, it certainly wouldn’t
do to have the innocent young minds of Deppville
corrupted would it? Aruam and Quiet Pirate are so
vulnerable y’know?
JENNY
Inspector? I thought Celine was the Inspector?
BEADLE
She was moved to new department.
Measures and Weights.
Keeps her eye on the founder’s pants and what-nots.
FANNY
What-nuts?
BEADLE
No, Fanny dearest. What-nots. Please you’re
straining my generous nature as far as the censorship.
Again, I must remind you about the Vulnerables
such as Aruam and Quiet Pirate.
Wouldn’t want t’be corrupting them, you know?
FANNY
Suppose not. You’re the expert.
*looks to Jenny…both burst out laughing*
BEADLE *unleashes his deadly cane*
Tis not a laughing matter, ladies.
FANNY (unimpressed, unleashing deadly high heel)
Back up Beadle boy…I got heels and I know how to
use them and we’re laughing because you called
Aruam and QP vulnerable…and what was that other
word-of-the-day Jenny?
JENNY
Innocent (hides laugh behind clipboard)
By the way, who called you Beadle?
BEADLE
Would have been the lovely AMRY. She was concerned
about the amount of pussies that’s been wandering about.
The hairballs an’ such they leave behind.
*BEADLE gets smacked by snowball*
VIANNE
I found the snow! I found the snow!
How’s that for a ball Beadle, Beadle, Beadle?
Here comes another!
AGGIE
Look Tommy, they’re throwing balls.
I suddenly have an urge to go “bowling”.
TOMMY
I think I can “spare” the time!
(Aggie and Tommy run off)
VIANNE
Here’s another one! Duck!
*sound of crashing glass*
Oh-oh! That wasn’t me! I’m outta here!
TODD
My regrets Miss Fanny. ME stumbled over my…uhm…strop.
I blocked her with my body parts so I do believe she is fine,
but the Big Mirror, alas has suffered.
FANNY
Forgiven and forgotten. No worries.
We got plenty more where that came from.
ME (sing song “I’m your friend” voice)
I think I bumped my head, Mr Todd
(Todd looks)
TODD
Indeed, you are right ME. Come with me and we
shall find something to help you recover.
ME
Oh! I’ll come with you Mr. Todd!
In fact let me lead the way!
Twelve steps to recovery!
FANNY
Oh good! Victor! New mirror!
TRUDY
It Is A Fine Mirror! Thank You Victor!
You Are As Good A Treasure Hunter As Miss Ellie.
What Does This Mirror Show Us?
VICTOR
“Let us look together TruD, shall we?”
TRUDY
Why It’s Mayor Idzy! Howdy Idzy!
“Hey TruD and all the Hunnies!
No time to chit-chat.
Taking advantage of the crappy weather
and working my rice paddies,
which paddies remind me of Paddy,
which is Irish which makes me think of the Irish
and of course, Roux is Irish and thinking of Roux,
makes me think of Babsy and hope she’s feeling better
and all the other sickies as well, and speaking of wells,
as you can see, don’t need water here.
Plenty of water, which brings me to rain and
hoping Beanie gets her rain soon since all
she has is sunshine, which brings to mind
“Good morning Sunshine” no wait,
ha ha…that was Starshine…my bad,
sorry Willie..and btw, Willie boy, I got an idea.
How about Chocolate Rice Crispie Treats?
I got the rice, you got the chocolate…or is that Roux
who has that or maybe I’m thinking Ellie,
no, she goes by Chocolat…either way what do you think?”
IDZY
Yeah, guess you’re right. Never mind. Love you all!
See you all later!
*mirror fades out*
FANNY
Well that was exhausting! I need another freakin’ drink!
Are these whelps still here? I’m finished bonding
with the midgets. Make yourself useful…go stop traffic
with your face or something.
Okay, what’s next on the agenda?
JENNY
I believe we’re going down…
FANNY
Hey! Careful what you say Jennikins!
Don’t want Beadle back in here!
JENNY
I was saying…down in the basement of the
Bells to Miss Kazren’s Kreative Korner.
FANNY
Back the bus up. You’re not Kazren.
SWEENEY
Of course…not. She’s downstairs in her cozy corner.
FANNY
I thought you were taking care of ME.
SWEENEY
She’s recovering from her recovery.
Meanwhile, how about a shave…I mean shaved ice.
Would you like a drink with shaved ice?
FANNY
Sure, sure, send it over to the studio.
Let’s switch to Kaz’s place…there she is! Morning Kazzie!
Whatcha up to today?
KAZREN
Good morning Miss Fanny and to all the other Hunnies.
Today is “Put On Your Happy Face Day”
I have my little helper with me today. Take a look.
FANNY
I thought Ichabod was your “little helper”
KAZREN
He is normally, but he’s never too keen on me
using him as a subject of my creative juices….watch..
*approaches Ich with paintbrush*
“I’m allergic Kaz!”
KAZREN
Poor thing. Frighten of everything he is.
The other day one of KittyKat’s pussies crossed his path.
Wasn’t a pretty sight.
So I’m using William.
FANNY
Well Billy Boy doesn’t look none too pleased there KAZ.
KAZREN (sighs)
You would be right Miss Fanny. He felt I short-changed him.
FANNY
Short changed him? You paid him to look like that?
KAZREN
No no, he’s trying to get me to make him look like Jack.
JACK
And we all know,luv…only Captain Jack Sparrow looks like …well…me!
FANNY
Bye Kaz. Catch you later Jack for that peek.
Speaking of peeking, let’s take a gander at Chocolat
and see what…what? What the hell is this?
“You were gandering Miss Fanny.
I saw you, yes, you were gandering and…”
*Fanny throws tablecloth over mirror*
FANNY
Mrs Lovett’s Cockroaches! Get me another mirror somebody,
this one’s been infected.
TOBY
“Nuttin’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around”
FANNy
Hey who let the pint-sized Pie Packer in? Off with ya
Go clean the oven or something and where the hell is
that delivery of shaved ice drink Todd promised!
DELIVERY BOY
“Sorry Miss Fanny, takes me a few trips to deliver.
Always seem to arrive with an empty glass and
I brought you a new mirror too.”
FANNY
‘bout time, I say.
Was getting ready to increase the line
at the unemployment office.
Let’s see the mirror and who’s up next.
Now you’re talking!
*Mirror becomes static, loses picture…FANNY scans the crowd*
Hey you! BeadleBack Mountain…yeah, you!
What’s the idea?
BEADLE
Just doin’ me civic duty, Miss Fanny.
No hoisting the colors on general tv,
ye know what I mean? I do not take me job lightly.
Continue.
FANNY *disgruntled*
Okay, okay, back to the mirror. It’s Game Time everyone.
Miss Chocolat…you there?
*Giggles and other noises…before Mirror focuses*
FANNY *smacks mirror*
Hey Choc! Front and center woman!
CHOCOLAT
Oh! Oh! Back up Johnny!
WILMOT
But Miss Fanny said front and center, my dove.
CHOCOLAT
We already did it that way …tee hee…oh I forgot!
We’re live! Wilmot, give me a minute.
ROCHESTER
I can give you more than a minute my angel.
CHOCOLAT
Hold that thought.
*eyes drift down*
Yeah, hold that too.
*turns to mirror*
Hanky wave to you Miss Fanny and to all
four directions of the Universe. Game Time you say?
Yes, right, and a fine game of
Button Button Who’s Got the Button.
Want to play John? Don’t make me play by myself.
Wipe that smirk off your face,
I said BY myself…not…never mind…okay Button Game!
*counts off buttons*
One undone…two undone…three undone…four undone”
WILMOT
“I’m not playing!”
CHOCOLAT
Too late, you’re already in the game. Now let me finish.
WILMOT
But you have undone all my shirt buttons.
CHOCOLAT
So I have. Guess we’ll have to work on the other buttons,yes?
WILMOT
As you wish
CHOCOLAT
“six undone…seven undone…’
*mirror blacks out—FANNY throws evil eye to BEADLE*
FANNY
Damn it Beadle! Can we have at least one show
without your interference?
BEADLE
GLADly, Miss Fanny. Just give me a show that
I don’t have to censor.
FANNY
Yeah, like who’s gonna help me with that?
Any volunteers?
“We could do something with my new chair?”
FANNY
“Thanks Razor-boy, but somehow I don’t see that working out.
Any one else? Maybe the mirror can be of assistance.
Who’s got the mirror that Martini Guy delivered?”
SANDS
Right here Miss Fanny
WILMA *tackling Sands*
Be calm everyone! I have it under control!
SANDS
What are you doing Wilma? Help me Fanny!
FANNY
What and spoil the show? Though I am curious Miss Wilma,
why the pounce?
*Sands manages to get Wilma off, Wilma stares at Sands*
WILMA (realizing her mistake she now holds in her hand)
It’s a mustache? I thought it was some fuzzy creature
from south of the border.
FANNY
Watch it Wilma baby. You’ll get us censored again!
SANDS
May I have it back?
WILMA
Sure sure, let me put it on you. There. Much better.
FANNY
Give me that mirror! Okay, who’s up to bat now?
Eps, boys and girls, I see Missy Eps and what is she doing?
*Do Bee Mirror zooms in*
EPS
Happy Day to you Miss Fanny. I am here with my
Donnie-Bee-Good Helper and we are learning the
importance of a good breakfast.
Always start with a well stocked cupboard
FANNY
Is that EEVO I see Miss Eps? How’s that fit into breakfast?
Where’s the syrup?
EPS
Oh Miss Fanny, EEVO fills in nicely when you run short
of Miss Butterworths
Well, off to have Donnie scramble my eggs.
FANNY
Sure, that’s what you’re calling it now. Okay, bye Eps-baby.
Moving right along….wait a minute…
*Singing filters from the mirror*
“Green finch, linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird…how is it..”
*fanny beats Magic Compact Mirror on desk*
Out damn you! Out I say! This mirror’s possessed!
Get me a new one, pronto!
JENNY
My name’s Jenny,not Pronto.
FYA
REG REG REG…I’ll get a new one myself.
*stomps to nearby door…opens it unannounced*
“Hey, got a Magic Mirror in here?”
“Please shut the door Miss Fanny, can’t you see we’re studying.”
FANNY
We..We?
FAVED (from under the table)
Oh Miss Fanny! Are you studying French with Miss Wenchie?
FANNY
Yeah, but I call it the Tongue Language.
Learned it from The Parlay Stone course that Jack taught.
FAVED (peeking out)
The Parlay Stone? Don’t you mean the Rosetta Stone?
FANNY (turning to other room)
Hey Jack, come show FaveD the Parlay Stone.
See, and when you complete the course you get a coupon
for The Rusty Baugette. Hey Jack! That’s my coupon,
damn it all! You stole my coupon! Now he's gonna get the
best of Rusty's baugette.
“Someone stole your coupon Miss Fanny?”
FANNY
Yeah, why don’t you go shovel his ass out of this place?
No better yet, just find me a new mirror.
FaveD’s too busy studying. What you can you pull out…
*looks quickly around, sees Beadle*
out of your hat…I was gonna say, out of his hat!
BEADLE
Surely you didn’t think I thought otherwise, Miss Fanny.
FANNY
Don’t care what you think Beadle-Juice.
Now hows about a Mirror. Someone best get
me a new mirror or they’ll be up the river without a...
KAT
No please please Fanny I’ll find you a mirror.
Just don’t summon Joan Rivers!
Was bad enough Choc mentioned her, now you!
I’ll get a mirror! Don’t go away!
*runs off to find mirror*
FANNY *yelling after her*
The only place I’ll run to is the Bells! Damn straight!
Stool with my name on it!
“Excuse me, Miss Fanny”
“Have you seen Kat. I got this problem every time
I cough or laugh and someone said she might help me.”
FANNY *pointing*
Catch her if you can, but don’t let me catch you
making puddles around here. Bad enough we got
one Puddles on our list…she’s still on the list, right Freddie?
Freddie? Freddie? Where’d he go?
(at Fred’s house)
“I’m playing with my Puddles…my Puddles..my Puddles”
FANNY
Forget Kat. Try LaJae.
She’s installing outhouses all over the backyards of Deppville.
(Next door)
“Not only fine upstanding outhouses, but she stocks a little something to freshen yerself afters.”
FANNY (still talking to guy with problem)
An outhouse, that’s what you need.
You might get lucky and find one.
Now vamoose before you let your water break.
And still no Freddie? Can’t get decent help.
Not that I don’t mind indecent help now and again.
Ah, Kat, a new mirror. Let’s see.
Okay Missy, wtf is this showing me?
KAT
It’s the new Concert Hall.
FANNY
Well check the basement and divvy up the gold dust,
boys and girls! It’s concert time…let’s all watch shall we?
Whats up Debb?
*mirror flickers to inside concert hall*
DEBB
Howdy Miss Fanny and all the fine Hunnies of Deppville.
*nudged by NG*
What? You think you’re Wilma? Oh right…and all the fine
men of Deppville. Just yanking your…
FANNY
Watch it Debb! Beadle Bailey is snooping around!
DEBB
Thanks for the heads up…I mean warning Fanny!
So now its time for a little music.
Do all you boys and girls have your instruments in hand?
*looks off side of mirror*
Ummm, NG, that’s not an instrument.
No I’m not going to…
never mind…and stop quoting Humphry Bogart
and that whistling line….I’m doing a show here…sorry
…let’s see, where was I…oh yes…
The Band is ready, so let’s get this show started..
Captain, if you please… a little magic to open the show.
*music starts….images begin to appear*
I've been awake for a while now
You make me feel like a child now
'Cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place
It starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore
It starts in my toes
Make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
What am I going to say
When you make me feel this way
I just mmmmm
And it starts in my toes
Makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
'Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
And it stats in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
feeling shows
'cause you make me smile baby
Just take your time now
Holdin' me tight
Wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever wherever wherever you go
wherever you go
I always know
'Cause you make me smile
Even just for a while
*Magic Mirror fades back*
FANNY (tapping mirror)
Hey! Hey! Whereever he went I wanna go! Get back here!
Who makes these mirrors?
*Jenny gives address---Fanny runs outside, beats on window of occupied taxi*
“You! Out! Now!”
“But Fanny, I paid for this cab already.”
FANNY
Well good, then I won’t have to pay will I?. Now either scoot or boot, your choice!
*Gene scoots over, Fanny gives address of Magik Mirror Company, bursts through door*
Alright, which one of you’s in charge? I gotta defective mirror here. What! Uh! Who are you?”
“Eff you doona wanna it…giff it bak”
FANNY *clinging to mirror*
No, it’s mine and you canna haff it, so back off MoJo. I just want the head honcho. This mirror’s becoming a challenge, you know what I mean.”
*Reply comes from above…footfall on stairs*
CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP
“Dinna I hear a challenge-a?”
*Looks around seeing only TIA*
Who was it Ti-a?”
TIA
Twas the wooo-man from that show
JONES
Aye, I ‘new d’one ye speak of. Dinna she leave t’mirror fer me t’fix?
TIA
She did.
*looks around, mirror is missing*
She left it right there…on the table, I swear it.
Where could’ve it gone, Davy Jones?
“Jack Sparrow!”
(back at the TV station)
FANNY
Hey..Sparrow…this is MY mirror…you’re trying to sell me my own mirror back!
JACK
Oh is it? Didn’t notice.
FANNY
Whaddya got to say for yourself?
FANNY
Never mind. Let’s head to the Bells for cold one.
JACK
Oh…I like the sound of that!
See you all next month!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92PebvyHz_k
Oh Debb..twas amazing! 
a toast to our Debb!!
