05-01-2008, 07:43 PM
DEPPVILLE
May 2008
FANNY
Come on Rusty. Grab the noodles and let’s get going.
I wanna get the best spot at Idzy,s party at the
Mom’s WIFI Café and Pool. Don’t want to be on the
end with all the floaties you know!
RUSTY
I’m coming. Geesh…you know I wasn’t the one that
signed us up for those swimming lessons.
FANNY
Hey have you seen the Pool Gate Guy?
Just getting past him is worth putting on the thongs.
RUSTY
You have a thong on? How can you tell?
FANNY
You don’t think I’d let it be visible do you?
Next thing you know Idzy’d be taking pics..
Besides its only for certain eyes.
And there is….hey Mr Pool Gate Guy!
“Evening Fanny. I see you brought a friend tonight.
FANNY
Friend? Oh yeah, her. She’s Rusty.
POOL GATE GUY
Hmmm…well if’s she’s rusty maybe I
can lubricate her hinges?
RUSTY
Trust me PG, lubrication would be no problem….hey!
(Fanny drags Rusty past gate)
FANNY
There. (points)
Lets see if we can grab something there.
And if you do grab something make sure
you’re wearing gloves.
Hey there’s Idzy!
RUSTY
Idzy what are you doing?
IDZY
Lap time, you know. Got to get out of my car
and do a few laps, right George?
GEORGE
You blow me away Idz.
DEPPUTIZEDME
Excuse me Idzy. We have a problem in the kitchen.
IDZY
ME? Did I hire you as a waitress?
ME
No, I volunteered. I mean have you seen the customers?
And the tips they give….mmmmm…..
*IDZY and ME go to kitchen*
IDZY
What’s he doing?
ME
That new guy in town ordered Flat Iron Steak.
IDZY
All right, all right. We got Hamburger Helper right?
Well lets get grinding some meat and…ME? ME?
What are you doing?
ME
Grinding the meat
Make them feel the tremors in the Midwest, baby! Yeah!
IDZY
Okay, Sam, go find Kat. I think she mentioned some
time ago she has hot cross buns
And melons.
SAM
Ok, I’ll head over to her place.
*Fifteen minutes pass…Sam returns…with nothing*
SAM
Sorry Idzy. Kat was busy.
IDZY
Doing what?
SAM
Wall touching. *shudders remembering*
WILMOT
Come Lady Choc! I am famished. Let us go home
and partake of your specialty.
CHOC
Oh yes my Lord! Onion rings!
IDZY
But we have onion rings here Choc.
CHOC
But my onion rings are served up special Idzy.
The Earl serves and I partake.
*whispers*
IDZY
Oh my!
CHOC
I knoooowww!
IDZY
Well, guess that would put a whole new spin in the Café.
Ok…catch you later at the concert.
*back at the Shoppe*
WILMOT (tapping service bell)
Order’s up M’Lady!
*across town at the Canada Goose Down Mattress store*
BABS
Excuse me, I’m in need of a mattress.
SALESMAN
Welcome Barrista. Care to try our newest mattress?
It’s called DINOmite!
BABS
Certainly, let me just slip out of my cowboy hat and sandals.
Okay first mattress…
My goodness, that was a fine test.
But the mattress was a bit too hard.
That’s not a complaint on my test-helper, mind you.
May I try others?
SALESMAN
I think I can accommodate you Miss Babs.
Follow me. This is the Neverland Naptime
*Babs tries out*
BABS
Sorry, that one was a bit too soft.
SALESMAN
You’re a tough cookie Miss Babs.
Okay…here’s our third option.
Called The Elm Street Special.
BABS
Oh no, Jenny’s reported on them. Said they were no glood. They tend to snap wide open after one sleep.
I’m not even crawling into that one.
*Looks at Tester #3*
Then again…it is just a test.
*starts to crawl in*
“No Babs!”
“Come home luv. I have the perfect mattress back at the boat.”
BABS
Oh Roux, darling….what makes it perfect?
ROUX
You, of course.
*Later*
You were so right about this mattress Roux”
*drifts off singing “Hey there…you with the stars in your eyes*
(back at the pool party)
TRUDY
Oh My Girls! I Have Come Back From A Fine Ride!
DRAMACED
Oh TruD! You came up so fast on me I spewed
and blew bubbles out my nose!
TOMMY
Dram, you’re in the pool….those bubbles did not
come out your nose.
SoTruD, tell me about your fine ride.
TRUDY
It Was So Fine It Was! And I Even Got To Try Out His Stick Shift!
There He Is Now!
He’s Promised Me Driving Lessons Every Week.
Isn’t He Wonderful?
QUIET PIRATE
Do you think he’ll give me lessons too TruD?
*shows paycheck*
I got a raise, so I can afford him.
TRUDY
Oh, QP, He Doesn’t Take Money.
Says He Has Enough But I Am Sure
He’ll Gladly Give You A Lesson Or Two.
Let Me Ask Him.
*goes asks…returns*
He Said Yes QP. Why Don’t You Go Thank Him.
QP (skips over like a school girl)
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ok, see you later. Got to go help Aruam pack.
“Oh look, our dear JJDI sent a postcard”
“But she wrote it in Hawaiian.
Can’t understand a bloody word.”
THECAPTAINSWENCH
Give it here Jack. I’ve listened to every
Rosetta Stone tape from the library.
I think I can translate. Let’s see…she says…
Tried the poi
Learned new massage techniques
“Ohhh, like the sound of that”
and got a lei
“She did what???”
TCW
Got a lei..you know…the flower thing they
put around your neck.
“Oh right, luv. I knew that.”
*flip flop flip flop flip flop*
Bloody ‘ell, there goes Smitten.
Whats your rush luv?”
SMITTEN (rushing through)
Can’t stay Jack. Just got my airline tickets.
Beadle got me a good deal!
Gotta run, gotta a plane to catch!
(at the airport)
SMITTEN
That’s my flight?
BEADLE!!!
“It’s our best intentions at Beadle Travel to accommodate.
Wait till she sees her hotel.”
“Comes with complimentary Breakfast Bar”
(back at the Pool Party Beanie and MoHo
setting up sound stage)
I was gandering…yes, I was gandering.
What pray tell are you preparing?
BEANIE
We’re opening for Debb. We’re a cover band for Abba.
MOHO
Yeah, we call ourselves, “The Stray Chips”
JUDGE
And the gentlemen in the band?
I do believe they are new in town?
BEANIE
Oh these? *shakes one*
Just standees from CC’s shoppe.
I got ‘em free after she beaned
Me last month with one.
We’ve been practicing all week.
MOHO
Yeah…look at my poor blistered fingers!
JUDGE
Been practicing, you say? I have books that may help.
Show them CC.
(CC holds up books---Judge continues fondling the books)
Lyrics from Lennon; Melodies of Harrison…
*cough from behind …Judge turns to look*
And who are you, sir?
If y’have to ask mate, then there’s no need in y’knowing.
But let’s just say, I’m their temporary manager and if
ye got a problem, then take it up with me brother.
He’s over there checking their playlist.”
“They’ll open with Hunnie, Hunnie”
JACK
Sorry but I think that’s spelled H-O-N-E-Y
TEAGUE
Ye been taking lessons from Mo’s boy Rainey?
JACK
No, no. Go on.
TEAGUE
Then the grand finale will be for our special guest tonight.
JACK
Ahh, let me guess…Mama Mia!
TEAGUE
That’s me boy. Always the quick wit.
TURPIN
CC, where are you going?
CC
To the library. I think these books should be donated,
don’t you think?
“Back again CC? I swear you’re taking the books out
the back door and bringing them in the front”
*CC ponders the observation to keep returning to library*
CC
Well, you know me. Love to contribute.
Say, need some help today?
I’m very good in the stacks you know? *wink wink*
CIRCULATION DESK GUY
Great CC. I can always use an extra hand. *winks back*
(back at the Pool)
SHESBARKINGMAD
Excuse me sir, would you like a towel to dry off with?
BRASCO
I’m not even wet yet. And besides, aren’t they
kind-a small towels?
SBMad
Oh, they are really hankies. Hand-wrung and ready to go.
All the rage. See, there’s my Double XL. Very popular.
BRASCO
Wow! I best get a shot for the boys back at the office
You sir! Do you have hanky-envy?
SBMad
Hush now Mr T. No harm. Not every day someone
admires your hanky.
MR T
You are right Lara.
What did I ever do without you?
Care to dance?
SBMAD
Hmmm…not so near the fire. Maybe later.
SWEENEY (to Brasco)
My apologies sir. How about a shave?
SBMad
Not today Mr T! I do believe Donnie is busy.
Right Mr B?
“Another time then…and not a penny for it”
*chugging, backfires heard*
“What is that?”
(Wilma arrives with Aggie, Celine, LeJae, Giselle and Pegs)
FANNY (sauntering next to Sweeney)
It’s WOT, finest in the shoppe
SWEENEY
WOT?
FANNY
Wilma On Tractor. She’s going to be giving rides later.
Got my bib overalls all ready.
You got your riding duds, Sweeney?
SWEENEY
Of course
FANNY
Then best get changed and get in line.
WILMA *waves as they pass by*
Rounded up my new neighbors. Heading to
Miami to pick up Chofy. She got lost on the way to the party.
She’s in Florida not Illinois. See ya all when we get back!
Hop on Mr T!
SWEENEY
Anything you say.
(WOTmobile chugs off into the sunset)
“Awweee…but I wanted to ‘wide’ the WOTmobile too.”
Oh don’t be sad luv. Come along Kitten.
Plenty of rides here at Idzy’s party.
Let’s go try
The Ferris Wheel…well not really a Ferris wheel.,
more a Foot Wheel
But still fun. Hop in me pocket like a good pussy!
KITTEN
Faster! Faster! Captain Jack! Weeeeee…this is fun!
Remind me to ‘white’ Ms Idzy a thank you note….
this was the bestest day ever!
Are dere more wides Captain?
JACK
Indeed my little furry friend.
There’s the High swing
The boat ride
and lets not forget
the Walk Thru Fun House
“Soowee Jack…that last one scared the pee-jezzies out of me”
JACK *wiping away*
Not so bad.
*outside Deppville’s Hump-U-Niveristy*
QUIET PIRATE
Excuse me sir, but have you seen Aruam?
I was supposed to help her pack her things.
“She’s all done packing.”
QUIET PIRATE
Oh? And what’s that box you’re sitting on?
BOX GUY
She ran out of plastic bins.
I’m going to send this one to myself.
QUIET PIRATE
Ok…well, see you then.
ARUAM (from inside box)
Am I there yet?
(back at the Pool Party)
I swear I see EPS leading that pack?
Whats up with that?
Something lost in translation I believe.
Wenchie told him about JJDI’s lei and he approached
a Huddle of Hunnies and offered them a lei.
The rest dear man, is history.
EPS (shouting to Wilmot as she runs by)
Come on Johnny! You know you want to!
“I’m not playing!
I have to go home and lick Ellie’s Tiramisu bowl!
HOPE *checking the Deppville Cliff Notes/ Thesaurus*
Tiramisu bowl? Tiramisu bowl?
Oh here it is …OH MY GOSH!
And it’s even better with a bottle of brandy.
Good day m’lady.
SILLYWENCH
Sir! Sir! A question, if you have a minute?
JD
What’s up doll?
SILLYWENCH
I’ve been trying to find a way to the Discipline Room.
Can you direct me?
JD
I’m kinda new to this joint.
Only know where the bank and the airport are.
You might want to try one of the shops around
here for directions.
(Goes to Nick Of Time Clock Shoppe)
SW
Sorry, sir but I was told you might help me
find the Discipline Room.
“Hmm…never been myself, but maybe my
co-worker can help you. Kaz? Kaz?
She’s always behind the clock. Just a matter of finding her.
You might want to stop by later, after the concert.
On my way there now.
(back at the party)
“So glad you could join me Vianne.
I hear tell the day will be sunny and clear.
What do you think?”
VIANNE
I think I told the Hunnies I wouldn’t touch
the weatherman…but I think I can make
An exception in this case!
“That was some weather report James.
Think I can get tomorrow’s forecast too?”
(Outside The Stray Chips finishes their set--- Keith steps onstage)
“That was great girls….bright, shining lights, both of ye.
Ye both gave me chills…see?
So let’s get on with it. Spotlight center stage mate.”
Next up, Debb and the Triple Threat.
This month’s concert will benefit
Deppville Bank Tellers Retirement Fund
as there seemed to be a rash of withdrawals this month.
Oh…yes sir? You, with the big gun?
*All Hunnie eyes pivot quickly to the back*
“I’d like to make a donation, if I may?”
*Founding Father runs up onstage*
FOUNDING FATHER
Generous donation sir!
Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, don’t it girls?
KEITH
Okay, on with the show. To honor all the musically
inclined this month Debb is presenting Nickelback’s “Rock Star”
….let’s give them a big Hunnie Hello!
*applause applause*
DEBB
Hey Hunnies!
HUNNIES
Hey Debb!
DEBB
Let’s just get to it so we can all get back to the pool…
one..two..one…two…three…
Rock Star
I'm through with standing in line
to clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me
(Tell me what you need)
I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet
with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there done that)
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher
and
James Dean
is fine for me
(So how ya gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name
[CHORUS]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have a quesadilla on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me
(So how ya gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name
I'm gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong
Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
HUNNIES (all jumping into pool)
We wanna be a rockstar! We wanna be a rockstar!
SPLASH…SPLASH…SPLASH
“What’s the fuss all about”
FANNY
Crapola Todd…Sneak up on lady! So back from your ride on the WOTmobile?
SWEENEY
Si
FANNY
Sounds to me like you all found Chofy.
SWEENEY
Por supuesto
FANNY
Yeah, what you said.
Anyways, it’s all something about wanting to be stars.
SWEENEY (looking upward)
Stars? Oh, look…a shooting star…..Johnnnaaaannnaaaa…
FANNY
What? No, no, don’t be calling for that twit.
Next thing you know
She’ll be popping her head out a window
or something and start all that a-twittering.
Come on, let’s go get a Stella over at the Bells,
beat the crowd so to speak.
DEBB
I think that went well.
And look NG, a hefty donation from that new guy.
NG
I’m not sure I trust him.
I mean, what’s up with him always carrying around
That pillow case?
DEBB
I don’t know. Maybe he’s looking for a mattress.
Maybe suggest to him that Canada Goose shop
that Babs went to, you think?
NG
All I can think about now is getting you home to our mattress.
DEBB
What are we waiting for!!
HOURS LATER…PARTY HAS BROKEN UP...
ALL HAVE GONE
HOME EXCEPT…THE SOUND OF
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Rock Star
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmeUuoxyt_E
May 2008
FANNY
Come on Rusty. Grab the noodles and let’s get going.
I wanna get the best spot at Idzy,s party at the
Mom’s WIFI Café and Pool. Don’t want to be on the
end with all the floaties you know!
RUSTY
I’m coming. Geesh…you know I wasn’t the one that
signed us up for those swimming lessons.
FANNY
Hey have you seen the Pool Gate Guy?
Just getting past him is worth putting on the thongs.
RUSTY
You have a thong on? How can you tell?
FANNY
You don’t think I’d let it be visible do you?
Next thing you know Idzy’d be taking pics..
Besides its only for certain eyes.
And there is….hey Mr Pool Gate Guy!
“Evening Fanny. I see you brought a friend tonight.
FANNY
Friend? Oh yeah, her. She’s Rusty.
POOL GATE GUY
Hmmm…well if’s she’s rusty maybe I
can lubricate her hinges?
RUSTY
Trust me PG, lubrication would be no problem….hey!
(Fanny drags Rusty past gate)
FANNY
There. (points)
Lets see if we can grab something there.
And if you do grab something make sure
you’re wearing gloves.
Hey there’s Idzy!
RUSTY
Idzy what are you doing?
IDZY
Lap time, you know. Got to get out of my car
and do a few laps, right George?
GEORGE
You blow me away Idz.
DEPPUTIZEDME
Excuse me Idzy. We have a problem in the kitchen.
IDZY
ME? Did I hire you as a waitress?
ME
No, I volunteered. I mean have you seen the customers?
And the tips they give….mmmmm…..
*IDZY and ME go to kitchen*
IDZY
What’s he doing?
ME
That new guy in town ordered Flat Iron Steak.
IDZY
All right, all right. We got Hamburger Helper right?
Well lets get grinding some meat and…ME? ME?
What are you doing?
ME
Grinding the meat
Make them feel the tremors in the Midwest, baby! Yeah!
IDZY
Okay, Sam, go find Kat. I think she mentioned some
time ago she has hot cross buns
And melons.
SAM
Ok, I’ll head over to her place.
*Fifteen minutes pass…Sam returns…with nothing*
SAM
Sorry Idzy. Kat was busy.
IDZY
Doing what?
SAM
Wall touching. *shudders remembering*
WILMOT
Come Lady Choc! I am famished. Let us go home
and partake of your specialty.
CHOC
Oh yes my Lord! Onion rings!
IDZY
But we have onion rings here Choc.
CHOC
But my onion rings are served up special Idzy.
The Earl serves and I partake.
*whispers*
IDZY
Oh my!
CHOC
I knoooowww!
IDZY
Well, guess that would put a whole new spin in the Café.
Ok…catch you later at the concert.
*back at the Shoppe*
WILMOT (tapping service bell)
Order’s up M’Lady!
*across town at the Canada Goose Down Mattress store*
BABS
Excuse me, I’m in need of a mattress.
SALESMAN
Welcome Barrista. Care to try our newest mattress?
It’s called DINOmite!
BABS
Certainly, let me just slip out of my cowboy hat and sandals.
Okay first mattress…
My goodness, that was a fine test.
But the mattress was a bit too hard.
That’s not a complaint on my test-helper, mind you.
May I try others?
SALESMAN
I think I can accommodate you Miss Babs.
Follow me. This is the Neverland Naptime
*Babs tries out*
BABS
Sorry, that one was a bit too soft.
SALESMAN
You’re a tough cookie Miss Babs.
Okay…here’s our third option.
Called The Elm Street Special.
BABS
Oh no, Jenny’s reported on them. Said they were no glood. They tend to snap wide open after one sleep.
I’m not even crawling into that one.
*Looks at Tester #3*
Then again…it is just a test.
*starts to crawl in*
“No Babs!”
“Come home luv. I have the perfect mattress back at the boat.”
BABS
Oh Roux, darling….what makes it perfect?
ROUX
You, of course.
*Later*
You were so right about this mattress Roux”
*drifts off singing “Hey there…you with the stars in your eyes*
(back at the pool party)
TRUDY
Oh My Girls! I Have Come Back From A Fine Ride!
DRAMACED
Oh TruD! You came up so fast on me I spewed
and blew bubbles out my nose!
TOMMY
Dram, you’re in the pool….those bubbles did not
come out your nose.
SoTruD, tell me about your fine ride.
TRUDY
It Was So Fine It Was! And I Even Got To Try Out His Stick Shift!
There He Is Now!
He’s Promised Me Driving Lessons Every Week.
Isn’t He Wonderful?
QUIET PIRATE
Do you think he’ll give me lessons too TruD?
*shows paycheck*
I got a raise, so I can afford him.
TRUDY
Oh, QP, He Doesn’t Take Money.
Says He Has Enough But I Am Sure
He’ll Gladly Give You A Lesson Or Two.
Let Me Ask Him.
*goes asks…returns*
He Said Yes QP. Why Don’t You Go Thank Him.
QP (skips over like a school girl)
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Ok, see you later. Got to go help Aruam pack.
“Oh look, our dear JJDI sent a postcard”
“But she wrote it in Hawaiian.
Can’t understand a bloody word.”
THECAPTAINSWENCH
Give it here Jack. I’ve listened to every
Rosetta Stone tape from the library.
I think I can translate. Let’s see…she says…
Tried the poi
Learned new massage techniques
“Ohhh, like the sound of that”
and got a lei
“She did what???”
TCW
Got a lei..you know…the flower thing they
put around your neck.
“Oh right, luv. I knew that.”
*flip flop flip flop flip flop*
Bloody ‘ell, there goes Smitten.
Whats your rush luv?”
SMITTEN (rushing through)
Can’t stay Jack. Just got my airline tickets.
Beadle got me a good deal!
Gotta run, gotta a plane to catch!
(at the airport)
SMITTEN
That’s my flight?
BEADLE!!!
“It’s our best intentions at Beadle Travel to accommodate.
Wait till she sees her hotel.”
“Comes with complimentary Breakfast Bar”
(back at the Pool Party Beanie and MoHo
setting up sound stage)
I was gandering…yes, I was gandering.
What pray tell are you preparing?
BEANIE
We’re opening for Debb. We’re a cover band for Abba.
MOHO
Yeah, we call ourselves, “The Stray Chips”
JUDGE
And the gentlemen in the band?
I do believe they are new in town?
BEANIE
Oh these? *shakes one*
Just standees from CC’s shoppe.
I got ‘em free after she beaned
Me last month with one.
We’ve been practicing all week.
MOHO
Yeah…look at my poor blistered fingers!
JUDGE
Been practicing, you say? I have books that may help.
Show them CC.
(CC holds up books---Judge continues fondling the books)
Lyrics from Lennon; Melodies of Harrison…
*cough from behind …Judge turns to look*
And who are you, sir?
If y’have to ask mate, then there’s no need in y’knowing.
But let’s just say, I’m their temporary manager and if
ye got a problem, then take it up with me brother.
He’s over there checking their playlist.”
“They’ll open with Hunnie, Hunnie”
JACK
Sorry but I think that’s spelled H-O-N-E-Y
TEAGUE
Ye been taking lessons from Mo’s boy Rainey?
JACK
No, no. Go on.
TEAGUE
Then the grand finale will be for our special guest tonight.
JACK
Ahh, let me guess…Mama Mia!
TEAGUE
That’s me boy. Always the quick wit.
TURPIN
CC, where are you going?
CC
To the library. I think these books should be donated,
don’t you think?
“Back again CC? I swear you’re taking the books out
the back door and bringing them in the front”
*CC ponders the observation to keep returning to library*
CC
Well, you know me. Love to contribute.
Say, need some help today?
I’m very good in the stacks you know? *wink wink*
CIRCULATION DESK GUY
Great CC. I can always use an extra hand. *winks back*
(back at the Pool)
SHESBARKINGMAD
Excuse me sir, would you like a towel to dry off with?
BRASCO
I’m not even wet yet. And besides, aren’t they
kind-a small towels?
SBMad
Oh, they are really hankies. Hand-wrung and ready to go.
All the rage. See, there’s my Double XL. Very popular.
BRASCO
Wow! I best get a shot for the boys back at the office
You sir! Do you have hanky-envy?
SBMad
Hush now Mr T. No harm. Not every day someone
admires your hanky.
MR T
You are right Lara.
What did I ever do without you?
Care to dance?
SBMAD
Hmmm…not so near the fire. Maybe later.
SWEENEY (to Brasco)
My apologies sir. How about a shave?
SBMad
Not today Mr T! I do believe Donnie is busy.
Right Mr B?
“Another time then…and not a penny for it”
*chugging, backfires heard*
“What is that?”
(Wilma arrives with Aggie, Celine, LeJae, Giselle and Pegs)
FANNY (sauntering next to Sweeney)
It’s WOT, finest in the shoppe
SWEENEY
WOT?
FANNY
Wilma On Tractor. She’s going to be giving rides later.
Got my bib overalls all ready.
You got your riding duds, Sweeney?
SWEENEY
Of course
FANNY
Then best get changed and get in line.
WILMA *waves as they pass by*
Rounded up my new neighbors. Heading to
Miami to pick up Chofy. She got lost on the way to the party.
She’s in Florida not Illinois. See ya all when we get back!
Hop on Mr T!
SWEENEY
Anything you say.
(WOTmobile chugs off into the sunset)
“Awweee…but I wanted to ‘wide’ the WOTmobile too.”
Oh don’t be sad luv. Come along Kitten.
Plenty of rides here at Idzy’s party.
Let’s go try
The Ferris Wheel…well not really a Ferris wheel.,
more a Foot Wheel
But still fun. Hop in me pocket like a good pussy!
KITTEN
Faster! Faster! Captain Jack! Weeeeee…this is fun!
Remind me to ‘white’ Ms Idzy a thank you note….
this was the bestest day ever!
Are dere more wides Captain?
JACK
Indeed my little furry friend.
There’s the High swing
The boat ride
and lets not forget
the Walk Thru Fun House
“Soowee Jack…that last one scared the pee-jezzies out of me”
JACK *wiping away*
Not so bad.
*outside Deppville’s Hump-U-Niveristy*
QUIET PIRATE
Excuse me sir, but have you seen Aruam?
I was supposed to help her pack her things.
“She’s all done packing.”
QUIET PIRATE
Oh? And what’s that box you’re sitting on?
BOX GUY
She ran out of plastic bins.
I’m going to send this one to myself.
QUIET PIRATE
Ok…well, see you then.
ARUAM (from inside box)
Am I there yet?
(back at the Pool Party)
I swear I see EPS leading that pack?
Whats up with that?
Something lost in translation I believe.
Wenchie told him about JJDI’s lei and he approached
a Huddle of Hunnies and offered them a lei.
The rest dear man, is history.
EPS (shouting to Wilmot as she runs by)
Come on Johnny! You know you want to!
“I’m not playing!
I have to go home and lick Ellie’s Tiramisu bowl!
HOPE *checking the Deppville Cliff Notes/ Thesaurus*
Tiramisu bowl? Tiramisu bowl?
Oh here it is …OH MY GOSH!
And it’s even better with a bottle of brandy.
Good day m’lady.
SILLYWENCH
Sir! Sir! A question, if you have a minute?
JD
What’s up doll?
SILLYWENCH
I’ve been trying to find a way to the Discipline Room.
Can you direct me?
JD
I’m kinda new to this joint.
Only know where the bank and the airport are.
You might want to try one of the shops around
here for directions.
(Goes to Nick Of Time Clock Shoppe)
SW
Sorry, sir but I was told you might help me
find the Discipline Room.
“Hmm…never been myself, but maybe my
co-worker can help you. Kaz? Kaz?
She’s always behind the clock. Just a matter of finding her.
You might want to stop by later, after the concert.
On my way there now.
(back at the party)
“So glad you could join me Vianne.
I hear tell the day will be sunny and clear.
What do you think?”
VIANNE
I think I told the Hunnies I wouldn’t touch
the weatherman…but I think I can make
An exception in this case!
“That was some weather report James.
Think I can get tomorrow’s forecast too?”
(Outside The Stray Chips finishes their set--- Keith steps onstage)
“That was great girls….bright, shining lights, both of ye.
Ye both gave me chills…see?
So let’s get on with it. Spotlight center stage mate.”
Next up, Debb and the Triple Threat.
This month’s concert will benefit
Deppville Bank Tellers Retirement Fund
as there seemed to be a rash of withdrawals this month.
Oh…yes sir? You, with the big gun?
*All Hunnie eyes pivot quickly to the back*
“I’d like to make a donation, if I may?”
*Founding Father runs up onstage*
FOUNDING FATHER
Generous donation sir!
Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, don’t it girls?
KEITH
Okay, on with the show. To honor all the musically
inclined this month Debb is presenting Nickelback’s “Rock Star”
….let’s give them a big Hunnie Hello!
*applause applause*
DEBB
Hey Hunnies!
HUNNIES
Hey Debb!
DEBB
Let’s just get to it so we can all get back to the pool…
one..two..one…two…three…
Rock Star
I'm through with standing in line
to clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me
(Tell me what you need)
I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet
with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there done that)
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher
and
James Dean
is fine for me
(So how ya gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name
[CHORUS]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have a quesadilla on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
blow my money for me
(So how ya gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name
I'm gonna sing those songs
that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong
Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
HUNNIES (all jumping into pool)
We wanna be a rockstar! We wanna be a rockstar!
SPLASH…SPLASH…SPLASH
“What’s the fuss all about”
FANNY
Crapola Todd…Sneak up on lady! So back from your ride on the WOTmobile?
SWEENEY
Si
FANNY
Sounds to me like you all found Chofy.
SWEENEY
Por supuesto
FANNY
Yeah, what you said.
Anyways, it’s all something about wanting to be stars.
SWEENEY (looking upward)
Stars? Oh, look…a shooting star…..Johnnnaaaannnaaaa…
FANNY
What? No, no, don’t be calling for that twit.
Next thing you know
She’ll be popping her head out a window
or something and start all that a-twittering.
Come on, let’s go get a Stella over at the Bells,
beat the crowd so to speak.
DEBB
I think that went well.
And look NG, a hefty donation from that new guy.
NG
I’m not sure I trust him.
I mean, what’s up with him always carrying around
That pillow case?
DEBB
I don’t know. Maybe he’s looking for a mattress.
Maybe suggest to him that Canada Goose shop
that Babs went to, you think?
NG
All I can think about now is getting you home to our mattress.
DEBB
What are we waiting for!!
HOURS LATER…PARTY HAS BROKEN UP...
ALL HAVE GONE
HOME EXCEPT…THE SOUND OF
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Rock Star
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmeUuoxyt_E
)
