06-01-2008, 06:24 AM
JUNE 2008 Concert
(VIANNE cruises Deppville with her new “Sideboard”)
KITTEN
“But I twaght dat was called a “wunning board”
“For $5000, she can call it whatever she wants little Pussy.”
KITTEN
O-Tay! By da way, you look very sad. Why are you sad, Mr. Dilly?
“Went to that Shoppe, the one with the Girl Scout. She was all out of Thin Mints.”
KITTEN
Oh, well they are out of season you know?
But if you’re in the mood for chocolate
I know where you can get lots a-goodies”.
DILLINGER
At that pie-slash-pastry shoppe over on Fleet Street?
KITTEN (shaking)
Please, please, don’t mention dat place. It’s not good for little pussies like myself.
DILLINGER
Oh don’t fret dollface. No one’s going to harm you.
Not while I’m around.
KITTEN
Hmmm…where have I heard dat before? Never mind.
No, sir. Just head on over to the Grand June Faire,
over at the Concert Hall.
I think you can find what you need there.
DILLINGER
Say, don’t I know you?
You look a lot like another pussy I know.
Goes by the name of NETTIK.
Ever heard of her?
KITTEN
Can’t say I have, she sounds a little backwards,
but if she looks like me, she’s got to be cute!
(At the Grand Faire)
FANNY (barking her wares)
Get em here! Get em while they last!
Hey you! Yeah, you with the big gun! Check these out.
You’ve never seen anything like it.
*Looking at Fanny with tissues hanging out nose*
DILLINGER
You got that right, Buttermilk.
So tell me what you are trying to pawn off on me.
I might not be Joe College but I can smell a scam a mile away.
FANNY
Scam! No way Jose.
Speaking of Jose, have you seen him?
Never mind.
What you’re smelling is not a Scam Dilly
but my own hand-rolled Horse Fat Balls.
And look, you can make them even better
with Day Old NG Cream. See?
Come on, give em a try.
Whaddya got to lose?
Beats those Depp-Fried Pickles Debb’s always pushing.
“Think I’ll pass. Abysinnia! Hey Wenchie!”
WENCHIE (swing dancing over)
Dilly! The Man! How about you take your hot patootie
over at the Dance Hall and you and me drag the hoof ?
I hear it’s going to a jive-fest after the Concert?
First jitterjuice drink on me!
What do you say about cutting the rug?
DILLINGER
I’ll take it into consideration.
Right now I need to stuff my cake-hole.
Later Gator!
IDZY (rolling through fair grounds, sneezing)
There you are Gilbert. What took you so long?
Can’t you see I got a cold and
These tissues fanny gave me
aren’t working out so well.
GILBERT
Sorry Idzy, but I had to go to Costco
to get the super-duper size box of tissues.
And tell me you’re not using Fanny’s tissues.
Do you know where they’ve been?
Never mind, you don’t want to know.
Why are you rolling around in that chair?
IDZY
Melted to it. Lock, stock and barrel.
In fact, this heat has sprouted a Flea at my house.
GILBERT
Don’t you mean fleas, Idzy?
IDZY
No, I mean Flea…one Flea…
I tell you it’s hotter than LeJae’s house out here!”
“It’s a close second Idzy, I can vouch for that.
Excuse me, I have been called onto an assignment.
“What’s happen here Godley?”
GODLEY
“It’s Miss Celine sir. She discovered a misfortune incident
has occurred to her friend Puddles.
Seems it is so hot today that the gentleman over there,
well…he…
*whispers to Abberline*
*Shocked , Abberline confronts the man*
“Say it is not so sir!
Say you did not accidentally drink Miss Puddles!”
MAN
Please sir, please!
You do not have to “go Smitten’ on me.
I can assure you she is safe and sound in Idzy’s pool.
I put her there myself.
“Hmmm, perhaps then she is safe after all. Very well.
Good day. Officer Hanson, where is it you go?
I thought this was your bowling night with Aggie?
TOMMY
Doing double duty, Inspector.
And don’t say that in front of fanny.
Some reason she finds that all too amusing.
I am on my way to The Shoppe.
Seems there is an altercation going on at Chocolat’s place.
“I put them there myself and now they are no more!.
I swear should I find that you have been lying you will not like me!
“That emotion sir, is already in place!
As for the problem at hand,
there’s a hole in the feeder like a big black pit
and I do believe squirrels inhabit it.
You mistake me for a peanut thief!
Let us ask the Lady Choc!
“Did I not fill your empty feeder my pet?”
CHOCOLAT
Yes, yes, you did my luv!
But right now, I have to go fill the squirrel feeder.
“Then Mr Todd, if you filled the feeder, who in fact, emptied it?
*SMITTEN bursts through door*
SMITTEN
I found the culprit!
*turns*
No you didn’t, I did!
*turns*
I hate to disagree, but I did.
*turns*
Let’s just say we both did?
*turns*
Fine! Look out back!
Choc is confronting him now!
CHOC
Jack! What are you doing?
You’re eating my nuts!
JACK
I did not. I only eat me own nuts!
That didn’t come out quite right did it mate?
“Careful Penhall. He’s is considered armed and dangerous.”
“Who is?”
‘JACK LOOK OUT!!!”
*Everyone stops and looks in awe at Quiet Pirate*
QP
Oh, sorry…I used my ‘shower voice”
*Jack makes his get-away*
CHOCOLAT
Great! The pirate got away and now I’m nutless.
“There, there Johnny, I do not think she meant it that way”
“No doubt her words have changed you m’Lord.
Perhaps now you should go and visit Miss Fanny.
She’s allergic to nuts and now that you are….”
CHOCOLAT
I didn’t mean it that way! Off with you both!
I have to make another batch of Thin Mints!
Oh TruD, there you are. Did you bring the ingredients?
TRUDY
I Did Miss Choc! And My Fine Crock Pot As Well.
“What kind of pot, Miss TruD?”
TRUDY
Oh Mr T! I Did Not Say That! You Are So Naughty.
Now Do As Choc Says And Let Us Laydees Cook!
OH! A Fine Customer Has Come In The Door!
Welcome Sir! What Can We Do You For?
FINE CUSTOMER
I have heard through the grape vine that you
do wonders with a crock pot, Miss TruD.
Would you be so kind as to let me have
a taste of your wonderful concoctions?
Please?
TRUDY
Why Certainly Sir!
Come In The Back Room And I Will Be More Than Happy
To Share What I Have In My Pot!
Today’s Specialty Is Called “Warm, Wet And Tasty!”
CHOCOLAT
Guess I’ll be making my Mints alone.
SWEENEY
No worries my Pet. I am here to help
Though I might need a hand in measuring, if you get my drift.
CHOCOLAT
Ahhhh
SWEENEY
Good, you got it.
(over at the Faire Grounds)
“QP, Ol’Jack like to bestow his gratitude for giving
a shout so I might get away”
QUIET PIRATE
Bestow away Jack!
MORT
“Mo darling, don’t you think you’ve had enough spoonfuls?”
MOHO
You’re right Mort…skip the spoon!
“Toby, who is-a dis at the next-a booth?
The woman with the flaming red hair who
is a-singing and what is it she sells?”
TOBY
That’s Miss Rusty.
She’s selling magical grass seed I hear.
You just throw it out on the lawn and it grows on it’s own.
No mowing like Wilma and
no trimming of the bush like Fanny.
And that’s not singing. That’s yodeling.
She took lessons from JJDI.
PERRELLI
What ever *back hands Toby*
I am enchanted and I think I shall show her how I a-feel.
RUSTY
Damn! That Davy-what’s-his-name is coming this way.
Rum Guy, quick!
Hold up that secret de-coder ring
and give me the secret password!
“But Rusty you told me it was a secret”
RUSTY
Come on, come on, do it now or
you’ll find yourself back at Disney World
where I found you among those horny women.
RUM GUY
But Rusty, you were one of them.
RUSTY
Hush up and just use the ring! Now!
****POOF***
“Whew, that was close Rusty.
Where are we?
And what’s that noise?”
RUSTY
We’re under a table, but I don’t think it’s
Kitchen Guy because FaveD’s not here.
Wait…I recognize those shoes.”
“Babs, is that you out there?”
BABS
It is me. I didn’t know any one was here.
I was practicing my dry mike Karaoke.
RUM GUY (still under table)
Dry mike? What’s that?
BABS
Oh where you sing without a mike.
Come out and give it a try.
RUSTY
Yikes! What the?????
BABS
Oh, sorry. It’s just that I want to remain
anonymous when I sing at the Bells.
“And I keep telling you my sweet,
I would recognize you anywhere with or without the mask.
Now off with it.”
BABS *taking off mask*
Oh my Acushla…
Let me show you a real man’s mike…and trust me,
it’s not dry!
*BABS and Roux run down to his boat*
(Back at the Faire)
Madam JJDI, I understand you are an artist
when it comes to dipping sticks in chocolat?
We have something in common.
I too dip my stick in….oh never mind.
Perhaps you show me how.
In fact I have a stick at the ready.
JJDI
Nothing but the best for m’lord. Walk this way.
Hmmmm, last time I walked that way
I ended up in the Tower.
But I’ll give it a try.
“Taught ‘em everything I know’
“Hey! What’s going on?”
CC
Sorry Ed. Just once in a while I like to ‘knock on Wood”
Get it? Good you got it!
ED
I like the way you think…and twinkle. Here’s my card.
Give me a call. Doing a movie called
“The Cocktail Hostesses” Inspired by the Bells.
Tag line is:
“You buy the drinks, they do the rest”
Catchy uh?
CC
I think that’s already been done Ed.
“Dang Bela…of all the dames here,
I picked the one that knows her stuff.”
BELA
Maybe I can hypnotize her so she’ll forget.
Like this…
*wiggles fingers*
ED
That’s fantastic! Hey CC! Come here!
*Bela and Ed chase after cc*
JACK
Pfffft. Amateurs.
KAZREN
That’s right Jack. Show them how it’s done.
KAZ
No Jack, not finger-pulling…finger wiggling.
JACK
Oh, right luv
Well off to give KAT a few rides on the ol’Jack.
Rewarding herself she is and who am I to deny?
Kitten! What the???
“I heards you was giving Pi-wate wides and I’s all ready Jack!”
*DEPPVILLE KIDDIE CAMP*
WILMA
Okay, Little Ommpy #27 in Row 3.
Show me what you learned today in camp class.
OMMPY #27
Gently, gently, gently, rub the magazine.
WILMA
Very good. Now try your scratch-and-sniffs.
Don'’t they smell like Who?
OMMPY 27
Who does it smell like?
WILMA
That’s right Ommpy. Do you all agree?
OTHER OMMPIES
Agree on what? What does it smell like?
WILMA
Not what. Who. It smells like Who.
OMMPIES
We don’t know
WILMA
But I just told you.
OMMPIES
Told us what?
WILMA
Who it smells like.
OMMPES
No you didn’t
WILMA
Oh I give up.
“Maybe next time you’ll take me for Show and Tell”
“Or perhaps something a little more exotic?”
*Over at the Concert Hall*
SHESBARKINGMAD
Now, NG…don’t stare at Beanie.
She can’t help herself, ok?
NG
I know SBMad, but you have to admit,
she really does stand out in a crowd
SBMad
Oh, and you don’t?
NG
What do you mean?
SBMad
Never mind. But I think it’s nice she’s dating Spence.
He goes out of this world to make her feel at home too.
BEANIE
Howdy Lara. NG. Can’t stay and talk.
This end of Deppville, well, makes me kind of topsy turvy
and the position sends all the blood to the brain,
which doesn’t leave much blood for other things,
if you get my drift.
Spence has made us an anti-gravity room off the Hut
so on my way to enjoy my Rocket Man!
*goes off singing “Fly Me To The Moon”*
SBMad
Speaking of being out of this world,
has anyone seen Aruam?
I don’t think I’ve seen her since she was packing her boxes.
‘Hide nor hair and don't say a word Pegs"
(DEPPVILLE POLICE STATION)
JENNY
Hello Officer Hanson.
I’m glad you could meet with me.
I want to get your take on Jonah Hill’s
upcoming movie of the trials and tribulations of
the station here at 21 Jump Street.
“He’s doing what?”
JENNY
A movie about you and Penhill and all the others.
Who do you think should play you?
TOMMY
I can only think of 3 people.
Jon Heder, Tom Cruise, or Owen Wilson..
They’re all such dramatic actors, you know?”
PENHALL
And I’d pick Morgan Freeman to be me!
*JENNY looks bewildered*
TOMMY
Ha Ha! We’re just messing with you, Jenny.
“You think she’s coming back Tommy?”
EPS
Oh no Sands!
SANDS
What’s the problem sweet cheeks?
EPS
We’ve stayed too long at Chili’s again!
We’re going to be late for the Concert!
We need to get a taxi fast.
SANDS
Got it covered.
TAXI!
HOPE
Tijuana Taxi at your service.
EPS
Great White Hope! We need to get to the Concert Hall!
SANDS
Get us there quick and there’s a little extra something for you.
HOPE
Leave it to me!
(Floors it to the Concert Hall)
“Damn, she was fast. Hey Dramaced, is that you?”
DRAMACED
“Why yes. I went to Sweeney’s Salon. .
Had myself pampered from head to foot.
Trimming of the hair, soothing skin massage.
Bon Bon works there now.
Don’t you think she did a wonderful job?’
Well, I see ME over at the Concession Stand.
Catch you later.
Getting snacks for the concert ME?
ME
Yes I am! There are so many yummy things.
But I heard there was the new taste treats,
thick and warm Iron Rods.
But I don’t see them.
Excuse me….do you have the Hot Iron Rods?”
They went fast ME but I think Axel’s got one in the back room.
ME
Hmmmm, I bet he does. Can I go get it?
GILBERT
Sure, help yourself.
ME
Be right back…better yet…don’t wait for me!
OH!
Not exactly the Rod I had in mind
but bet we can improvise….
Axel! Wake up darling!
(CHOFY and SILLYWENCH seated and waiting for show to start)
CHOFY
Those HunEs make me lmaoyk?
SILLYWENCH
Yeah, Chofy, the Hunnies do make you laugh your ass off.
I know.
CHOFY
Lalas.
SILLYWENCH
Yes I love them all like sisters too..
or is that too…or maybe 2….
CHOFY
Jw…?show?
SILLYWENCH
Well stop wondering Chof…the show’s starting now.
*Lights dim, curtains open*
DEBB
Welcome Hunnies! How you all been?
HUNNIES
Great Debb!
DEBB
Well that’s good. I am glad we had such a turnout
for the dedication of the new statue and here’s NG
with a slide and to thank all who helped.
NG, floor’s yours.
NG
Thanks my love. The new statue was
Made possible by the Spotted Dick and Malt Balls
fundraising sale
Thank you laydees for supporting the cause.
And now I give you….
The Toronto Three!
FANNY
Hey I recognize the one on the right!
Babs! Babs! Lookie! It’s you!
And hey! Rusty!
BABS
Don’t you recognize the third one Fanny?
FANNY
Hmmmm, can’t say I can….hey…wait a minute!
*NG clicks off slide*
“Well, now on to the concert. Go ahead Debb!”
DEBB
Thanks NG. Tonight, the Triple Threat
would like to sing for you a song that shares
how we all feel for each other.
That no matter what, we have each other.
We all have two shoulders, which makes us twice
as strong when a Hunnie needs something to lean on.
So I give you Michael Buble’s “Lost”.
*Band begins*
http://michaelbuble.com/lostvideo
(open, minimize and play video along with concert)
I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
And the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
DEBB
No one is ever lost here.
*Curtains Close*
(VIANNE cruises Deppville with her new “Sideboard”)
KITTEN
“But I twaght dat was called a “wunning board”
“For $5000, she can call it whatever she wants little Pussy.”
KITTEN
O-Tay! By da way, you look very sad. Why are you sad, Mr. Dilly?
“Went to that Shoppe, the one with the Girl Scout. She was all out of Thin Mints.”
KITTEN
Oh, well they are out of season you know?
But if you’re in the mood for chocolate
I know where you can get lots a-goodies”.
DILLINGER
At that pie-slash-pastry shoppe over on Fleet Street?
KITTEN (shaking)
Please, please, don’t mention dat place. It’s not good for little pussies like myself.
DILLINGER
Oh don’t fret dollface. No one’s going to harm you.
Not while I’m around.
KITTEN
Hmmm…where have I heard dat before? Never mind.
No, sir. Just head on over to the Grand June Faire,
over at the Concert Hall.
I think you can find what you need there.
DILLINGER
Say, don’t I know you?
You look a lot like another pussy I know.
Goes by the name of NETTIK.
Ever heard of her?
KITTEN
Can’t say I have, she sounds a little backwards,
but if she looks like me, she’s got to be cute!
(At the Grand Faire)
FANNY (barking her wares)
Get em here! Get em while they last!
Hey you! Yeah, you with the big gun! Check these out.
You’ve never seen anything like it.
*Looking at Fanny with tissues hanging out nose*
DILLINGER
You got that right, Buttermilk.
So tell me what you are trying to pawn off on me.
I might not be Joe College but I can smell a scam a mile away.
FANNY
Scam! No way Jose.
Speaking of Jose, have you seen him?
Never mind.
What you’re smelling is not a Scam Dilly
but my own hand-rolled Horse Fat Balls.
And look, you can make them even better
with Day Old NG Cream. See?
Come on, give em a try.
Whaddya got to lose?
Beats those Depp-Fried Pickles Debb’s always pushing.
“Think I’ll pass. Abysinnia! Hey Wenchie!”
WENCHIE (swing dancing over)
Dilly! The Man! How about you take your hot patootie
over at the Dance Hall and you and me drag the hoof ?
I hear it’s going to a jive-fest after the Concert?
First jitterjuice drink on me!
What do you say about cutting the rug?
DILLINGER
I’ll take it into consideration.
Right now I need to stuff my cake-hole.
Later Gator!
IDZY (rolling through fair grounds, sneezing)
There you are Gilbert. What took you so long?
Can’t you see I got a cold and
These tissues fanny gave me
aren’t working out so well.
GILBERT
Sorry Idzy, but I had to go to Costco
to get the super-duper size box of tissues.
And tell me you’re not using Fanny’s tissues.
Do you know where they’ve been?
Never mind, you don’t want to know.
Why are you rolling around in that chair?
IDZY
Melted to it. Lock, stock and barrel.
In fact, this heat has sprouted a Flea at my house.
GILBERT
Don’t you mean fleas, Idzy?
IDZY
No, I mean Flea…one Flea…
I tell you it’s hotter than LeJae’s house out here!”
“It’s a close second Idzy, I can vouch for that.
Excuse me, I have been called onto an assignment.
“What’s happen here Godley?”
GODLEY
“It’s Miss Celine sir. She discovered a misfortune incident
has occurred to her friend Puddles.
Seems it is so hot today that the gentleman over there,
well…he…
*whispers to Abberline*
*Shocked , Abberline confronts the man*
“Say it is not so sir!
Say you did not accidentally drink Miss Puddles!”
MAN
Please sir, please!
You do not have to “go Smitten’ on me.
I can assure you she is safe and sound in Idzy’s pool.
I put her there myself.
“Hmmm, perhaps then she is safe after all. Very well.
Good day. Officer Hanson, where is it you go?
I thought this was your bowling night with Aggie?
TOMMY
Doing double duty, Inspector.
And don’t say that in front of fanny.
Some reason she finds that all too amusing.
I am on my way to The Shoppe.
Seems there is an altercation going on at Chocolat’s place.
“I put them there myself and now they are no more!.
I swear should I find that you have been lying you will not like me!
“That emotion sir, is already in place!
As for the problem at hand,
there’s a hole in the feeder like a big black pit
and I do believe squirrels inhabit it.
You mistake me for a peanut thief!
Let us ask the Lady Choc!
“Did I not fill your empty feeder my pet?”
CHOCOLAT
Yes, yes, you did my luv!
But right now, I have to go fill the squirrel feeder.
“Then Mr Todd, if you filled the feeder, who in fact, emptied it?
*SMITTEN bursts through door*
SMITTEN
I found the culprit!
*turns*
No you didn’t, I did!
*turns*
I hate to disagree, but I did.
*turns*
Let’s just say we both did?
*turns*
Fine! Look out back!
Choc is confronting him now!
CHOC
Jack! What are you doing?
You’re eating my nuts!
JACK
I did not. I only eat me own nuts!
That didn’t come out quite right did it mate?
“Careful Penhall. He’s is considered armed and dangerous.”
“Who is?”
‘JACK LOOK OUT!!!”
*Everyone stops and looks in awe at Quiet Pirate*
QP
Oh, sorry…I used my ‘shower voice”
*Jack makes his get-away*
CHOCOLAT
Great! The pirate got away and now I’m nutless.
“There, there Johnny, I do not think she meant it that way”
“No doubt her words have changed you m’Lord.
Perhaps now you should go and visit Miss Fanny.
She’s allergic to nuts and now that you are….”
CHOCOLAT
I didn’t mean it that way! Off with you both!
I have to make another batch of Thin Mints!
Oh TruD, there you are. Did you bring the ingredients?
TRUDY
I Did Miss Choc! And My Fine Crock Pot As Well.
“What kind of pot, Miss TruD?”
TRUDY
Oh Mr T! I Did Not Say That! You Are So Naughty.
Now Do As Choc Says And Let Us Laydees Cook!
OH! A Fine Customer Has Come In The Door!
Welcome Sir! What Can We Do You For?
FINE CUSTOMER
I have heard through the grape vine that you
do wonders with a crock pot, Miss TruD.
Would you be so kind as to let me have
a taste of your wonderful concoctions?
Please?
TRUDY
Why Certainly Sir!
Come In The Back Room And I Will Be More Than Happy
To Share What I Have In My Pot!
Today’s Specialty Is Called “Warm, Wet And Tasty!”
CHOCOLAT
Guess I’ll be making my Mints alone.
SWEENEY
No worries my Pet. I am here to help
Though I might need a hand in measuring, if you get my drift.
CHOCOLAT
Ahhhh
SWEENEY
Good, you got it.
(over at the Faire Grounds)
“QP, Ol’Jack like to bestow his gratitude for giving
a shout so I might get away”
QUIET PIRATE
Bestow away Jack!
MORT
“Mo darling, don’t you think you’ve had enough spoonfuls?”
MOHO
You’re right Mort…skip the spoon!
“Toby, who is-a dis at the next-a booth?
The woman with the flaming red hair who
is a-singing and what is it she sells?”
TOBY
That’s Miss Rusty.
She’s selling magical grass seed I hear.
You just throw it out on the lawn and it grows on it’s own.
No mowing like Wilma and
no trimming of the bush like Fanny.
And that’s not singing. That’s yodeling.
She took lessons from JJDI.
PERRELLI
What ever *back hands Toby*
I am enchanted and I think I shall show her how I a-feel.
RUSTY
Damn! That Davy-what’s-his-name is coming this way.
Rum Guy, quick!
Hold up that secret de-coder ring
and give me the secret password!
“But Rusty you told me it was a secret”
RUSTY
Come on, come on, do it now or
you’ll find yourself back at Disney World
where I found you among those horny women.
RUM GUY
But Rusty, you were one of them.
RUSTY
Hush up and just use the ring! Now!
****POOF***
“Whew, that was close Rusty.
Where are we?
And what’s that noise?”
RUSTY
We’re under a table, but I don’t think it’s
Kitchen Guy because FaveD’s not here.
Wait…I recognize those shoes.”
“Babs, is that you out there?”
BABS
It is me. I didn’t know any one was here.
I was practicing my dry mike Karaoke.
RUM GUY (still under table)
Dry mike? What’s that?
BABS
Oh where you sing without a mike.
Come out and give it a try.
RUSTY
Yikes! What the?????
BABS
Oh, sorry. It’s just that I want to remain
anonymous when I sing at the Bells.
“And I keep telling you my sweet,
I would recognize you anywhere with or without the mask.
Now off with it.”
BABS *taking off mask*
Oh my Acushla…
Let me show you a real man’s mike…and trust me,
it’s not dry!
*BABS and Roux run down to his boat*
(Back at the Faire)
Madam JJDI, I understand you are an artist
when it comes to dipping sticks in chocolat?
We have something in common.
I too dip my stick in….oh never mind.
Perhaps you show me how.
In fact I have a stick at the ready.
JJDI
Nothing but the best for m’lord. Walk this way.
Hmmmm, last time I walked that way
I ended up in the Tower.
But I’ll give it a try.
“Taught ‘em everything I know’
“Hey! What’s going on?”
CC
Sorry Ed. Just once in a while I like to ‘knock on Wood”
Get it? Good you got it!
ED
I like the way you think…and twinkle. Here’s my card.
Give me a call. Doing a movie called
“The Cocktail Hostesses” Inspired by the Bells.
Tag line is:
“You buy the drinks, they do the rest”
Catchy uh?
CC
I think that’s already been done Ed.
“Dang Bela…of all the dames here,
I picked the one that knows her stuff.”
BELA
Maybe I can hypnotize her so she’ll forget.
Like this…
*wiggles fingers*
ED
That’s fantastic! Hey CC! Come here!
*Bela and Ed chase after cc*
JACK
Pfffft. Amateurs.
KAZREN
That’s right Jack. Show them how it’s done.
KAZ
No Jack, not finger-pulling…finger wiggling.
JACK
Oh, right luv
Well off to give KAT a few rides on the ol’Jack.
Rewarding herself she is and who am I to deny?
Kitten! What the???
“I heards you was giving Pi-wate wides and I’s all ready Jack!”
*DEPPVILLE KIDDIE CAMP*
WILMA
Okay, Little Ommpy #27 in Row 3.
Show me what you learned today in camp class.
OMMPY #27
Gently, gently, gently, rub the magazine.
WILMA
Very good. Now try your scratch-and-sniffs.
Don'’t they smell like Who?
OMMPY 27
Who does it smell like?
WILMA
That’s right Ommpy. Do you all agree?
OTHER OMMPIES
Agree on what? What does it smell like?
WILMA
Not what. Who. It smells like Who.
OMMPIES
We don’t know
WILMA
But I just told you.
OMMPIES
Told us what?
WILMA
Who it smells like.
OMMPES
No you didn’t
WILMA
Oh I give up.
“Maybe next time you’ll take me for Show and Tell”
“Or perhaps something a little more exotic?”
*Over at the Concert Hall*
SHESBARKINGMAD
Now, NG…don’t stare at Beanie.
She can’t help herself, ok?
NG
I know SBMad, but you have to admit,
she really does stand out in a crowd
SBMad
Oh, and you don’t?
NG
What do you mean?
SBMad
Never mind. But I think it’s nice she’s dating Spence.
He goes out of this world to make her feel at home too.
BEANIE
Howdy Lara. NG. Can’t stay and talk.
This end of Deppville, well, makes me kind of topsy turvy
and the position sends all the blood to the brain,
which doesn’t leave much blood for other things,
if you get my drift.
Spence has made us an anti-gravity room off the Hut
so on my way to enjoy my Rocket Man!
*goes off singing “Fly Me To The Moon”*
SBMad
Speaking of being out of this world,
has anyone seen Aruam?
I don’t think I’ve seen her since she was packing her boxes.
‘Hide nor hair and don't say a word Pegs"
(DEPPVILLE POLICE STATION)
JENNY
Hello Officer Hanson.
I’m glad you could meet with me.
I want to get your take on Jonah Hill’s
upcoming movie of the trials and tribulations of
the station here at 21 Jump Street.
“He’s doing what?”
JENNY
A movie about you and Penhill and all the others.
Who do you think should play you?
TOMMY
I can only think of 3 people.
Jon Heder, Tom Cruise, or Owen Wilson..
They’re all such dramatic actors, you know?”
PENHALL
And I’d pick Morgan Freeman to be me!
*JENNY looks bewildered*
TOMMY
Ha Ha! We’re just messing with you, Jenny.
“You think she’s coming back Tommy?”
EPS
Oh no Sands!
SANDS
What’s the problem sweet cheeks?
EPS
We’ve stayed too long at Chili’s again!
We’re going to be late for the Concert!
We need to get a taxi fast.
SANDS
Got it covered.
TAXI!
HOPE
Tijuana Taxi at your service.
EPS
Great White Hope! We need to get to the Concert Hall!
SANDS
Get us there quick and there’s a little extra something for you.
HOPE
Leave it to me!
(Floors it to the Concert Hall)
“Damn, she was fast. Hey Dramaced, is that you?”
DRAMACED
“Why yes. I went to Sweeney’s Salon. .
Had myself pampered from head to foot.
Trimming of the hair, soothing skin massage.
Bon Bon works there now.
Don’t you think she did a wonderful job?’
Well, I see ME over at the Concession Stand.
Catch you later.
Getting snacks for the concert ME?
ME
Yes I am! There are so many yummy things.
But I heard there was the new taste treats,
thick and warm Iron Rods.
But I don’t see them.
Excuse me….do you have the Hot Iron Rods?”
They went fast ME but I think Axel’s got one in the back room.
ME
Hmmmm, I bet he does. Can I go get it?
GILBERT
Sure, help yourself.
ME
Be right back…better yet…don’t wait for me!
OH!
Not exactly the Rod I had in mind
but bet we can improvise….
Axel! Wake up darling!
(CHOFY and SILLYWENCH seated and waiting for show to start)
CHOFY
Those HunEs make me lmaoyk?
SILLYWENCH
Yeah, Chofy, the Hunnies do make you laugh your ass off.
I know.
CHOFY
Lalas.
SILLYWENCH
Yes I love them all like sisters too..
or is that too…or maybe 2….
CHOFY
Jw…?show?
SILLYWENCH
Well stop wondering Chof…the show’s starting now.
*Lights dim, curtains open*
DEBB
Welcome Hunnies! How you all been?
HUNNIES
Great Debb!
DEBB
Well that’s good. I am glad we had such a turnout
for the dedication of the new statue and here’s NG
with a slide and to thank all who helped.
NG, floor’s yours.
NG
Thanks my love. The new statue was
Made possible by the Spotted Dick and Malt Balls
fundraising sale
Thank you laydees for supporting the cause.
And now I give you….
The Toronto Three!
FANNY
Hey I recognize the one on the right!
Babs! Babs! Lookie! It’s you!
And hey! Rusty!
BABS
Don’t you recognize the third one Fanny?
FANNY
Hmmmm, can’t say I can….hey…wait a minute!
*NG clicks off slide*
“Well, now on to the concert. Go ahead Debb!”
DEBB
Thanks NG. Tonight, the Triple Threat
would like to sing for you a song that shares
how we all feel for each other.
That no matter what, we have each other.
We all have two shoulders, which makes us twice
as strong when a Hunnie needs something to lean on.
So I give you Michael Buble’s “Lost”.
*Band begins*
http://michaelbuble.com/lostvideo
(open, minimize and play video along with concert)
I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
And the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
DEBB
No one is ever lost here.
*Curtains Close*
) and from Disney, I have a lot to tell you!
Now I MUST go and read the lastones I missed!
Debb...such a wonderful concert...
Bravo!!!
Debb, just finally got to read this and 'twas wonderful, hilarious and heart warming. I love that song anyway, and it is so appropos to our lil' spot of heaven here... I'm FOUND and I intend to stay that way! 