07-03-2008, 07:11 PM
THE FIRST ANNUAL
DEPPVILLE CIRCUS
LEJAE
Welcome! One and all to LeJae’s Life Circus!
FANNY (tugging at short shorts)
Rusty said you got elephants.
You know I hate elephants!
Especially dancing ones.
What the!!!
LEJAE
They’re fake Fanny.
FANNY
I see that. But my life flashed before me and
Thought they dragged that damn statue from
the museum over here.
You know the one they unveiled last month.
LEJAE
Yes, I’ve seen it. No, no. Nothing to fear.
In fact,
We are a peanut-free circus.
BABS
No nuts? That’s not right. Just saying.
LEJAE
Didn’t say that either Babs, but I digress.
Just go on in, the opening show has started.
Don’t forget to try all the rides and amusements later.
TRUDY
Excuse Me Miss LeJae.
Have You Seen Our Fine Founder?
I Have Been All Over Town Trying to Catch Him.
LEJAE
Well, TruD, take a peek inside.
I think he has box seats.
*Babs, Fanny, TruD head in*
(INSIDE THE TENT)
RINGMASTER
HUN-NIES! And Gentleman!
FANNY
What the fuck? That’s no Ringmaster.
He doesn’t even have a red coat on.
What dog-and-pony act is this?
GILBERT
Now Fanny, LeJae hires the locals.
Keeps us bizy, bizy, bizy, okay?
Now I think an apology is in order.
FANNY
Oh damn it, if I have to.
GILBERT
I meant LeJae.
FANNY
Sorry Toots…I draw the line…
I might share a bed with the Barrista here
And have JJDI’s back but I ain’t kissing the Jaester.
Let’s go find our seats.
Babs? Babs?
Oh hell, she fell asleep again.
Someone help me get this woman to her seat?
JACK
“I got her luv!”
FANNY
Good you got her, just watch the afro.
JACK
No problems Fanny.
Afro her over me shoulders…see…
FANNY
Not what I meant but; yeah, sure,
whatever, as long as you get the job done
GILBERT
For our first act….
The Dancing Bear!
WENCHIE
I’m sorry but does it qualify as dancing if it’s a bear?
Do bears dance?
“Excuse me, I think I can clarify that for you”
*starts swinging Wenchie around*
TRUD
Wenchie My Dearest, Please Stop Dancing
With That Bear Or Are You Part
Of The Act? I Need Your Help!
I Can’t Find The Founder.”
WENCHIE (as Baloo swings her around)
WHO cant’ you find?
WILMA
Oh dear, is WHO lost again?
(TruD turns around to face Wilma, in the company of…)
TRUD
Oh My Miss Wilma! Who Are Your Friends?
WILMA
That’s not WHO TruD, but they are WHATS
I bought one yesterday at Choc’s Shoppe
to help me do housework and this morning
I woke up to find a dozen of them.
“Based on their appearance,
I would say they belong in TruD’s pot.”
TRUD
Oh Mr T! I Told You Before That’s a CROCK Pot!
You Are So Very Naughty!
What Do You Have There?
*hides behind back”
Nothing, of course!
CHOCOLAT
Mr Sweeney Todd! You snipped my parsley!
I saw you…you were snipping! Yes,sir
You snipped my parsley!
“Begging the lady’s pardon,
but after that special soothing skin massage yesterday,
your parsley was already snipped.”
EVERYONE
WHAT!
CHOCOLAT
Tee Hee
“Did someone need their parsley snipped?
*TruD, Wilma, Choc and Wenchie go running off*
TAD
Mr Snippy Fingers, I am suppose to be meeting
my college friend Chofy.
Have you seen her?
SNIPPY *Pointing*
Try Jenny’s HoeGarden Drink Tent.
I think she’s over there drinking with
Founding Father.
TAD
Thanks. I’ll have to text my buddy,
let him tell TruD to try the Garden too.
By the way, are you related to Edward Scissorhands?
I swear
You could be brothers.
SNIPPY
Get that a lot. No.
But I am a distant relative of Mr Todd
(Across the Midway)
“Geesh, TAD picks the most inopportune time to buzz me.”
“TruD, come here love.
TAD said to head over to Jenny’s tent”
TRUD
Thank You I Will Do That Right Now!
JENNY’S HOEGARDEN ‘DRINK UP ME HEARTIES’ TENT
TRUD
Hello NG…You Are Working For Jenny?
NG
Happy 4th, TruD. I am volunteering for Jenny today.
Something about my naked arms.
Don’t know what that has to do with serving drinks.
Here, give this a try.
*Helps TruD sip from glass*
TRUD
That Is Very Fine, Thank You NG,
But I Must Be Off To Find Our Founder.
NG
Maybe go over to the rides.
He might be over there.
(Over At the Rides Midway)
CC
Oh! Look! I want to ride Beanie’s Green Flash!
“Line starts there cc. That will be 6 tickets.”
CC
Six! But the sign says 2!
TICKET TAKER
But what about your two friends?
*CC turns around to find….*
“I couldn’t reach the Ticket Box to buy tickets, Mama CC”
*CC turns to next one*
CC
Oh never mind. I’ll pay for their ride.
But I’m calling shotgun.
KITTEN
I call Jack’s pocket!
But I’m Captain Jack Sparrow…
I should be in the front.
*all climb in…CC in front…Jack in back…
Kitten in pocket…ride takes off,
take a few spins…ride ends*
KITTEN
Jack! Jack!
I am feeling wet..what happened out there?
“Sorry me wet little pussy,
but it appears CC missed the window again”
*THE BEAN PATCH*
“Excuse me,
but my friend and I were told this was the
best patcher place in Deppville.
You guys can slap on a patch in no time flat
without pricking once.”
BEANIE
OH! That would be me!
I can help your friend!
PATCHED GUY
Uhmmm, Miss Beanie…
I didn’t need patching this minute.
SBMad
Oh her bad!
Then just let me clean your dangly for you?
*wipes away*
There! Good as new!
PATCHED GUY
I didn’t have a dangly, Miss Lara.
SBMAd
That’s your opinion.
*takes another swipe*
*THE SWISS STICK SHACK*
I must request a refund JJDI
JJDI
A refund m’Lord? Whatever for?
WILMOT
It did not perform as verily as expected.
JJDI
Perform? What else do you do sir,
with a walking stick besides walk?
JJDI
Oh my, I see. Well, allow me to give you lessons
on using this one properly.
Walk that way.
Now stand this way
Now walk that way.
WILMOT
Madam! I do not see the point
of this walking back and forth,
nor standing such.
What good does it do me?
JJDI
Oh, you wanted it to benefit you?
I’m sorry Wilmot.
Sometimes a stick is just a stick.
“I beg to differ….
allow me to show you my own personal ‘stick’”
(Later at Choc’s)“And then she said, “sometimes a stick is just a stick”
but we know better don’t we?
*PUDDLES DUNKING TANK*
Vianne, FaveD, Celine, Kat, Aggie, Pricesa
*great amount of splashing going on in Dunking Tank*
TRUD
Afternoon You Fine Ladies. What Is The Inspector
Doing In The Dunking Tank?*
PRICESA
Actually, Smitten came running up to the Tank
yelling something about Ice Cube Bra,
jumped in and hasn’t come up since.
Abberline's been trying to find her.
TRUD
I Was Wondering If Any Of You Can Point Me
In The Right Direction.
I Have Been Trying To Find Our Founding Father.
VIANNE
There’s Willie. Maybe he can help you.
*explain to Willie what TruD needs*
“Let’s skeedoo Dollface and jive over to the Midway
and see if we can lay our peepers on him.
You got something there for our Main Man?”
TRUD
I Do. I Have This …
*glances around for Sweeney*
Crock Pot Meal For Him. See?
“To quote Mr T, what is that?”
TRUD
Why Are You Making That Face Mr. Wonka?
That’s Not Very Nice.
WILLIE
There doesn’t appear to be any chocolate in it?
TRUD
Oh Mr Wonka! You Are A Silly Goose.
Not A Canadian Goose.
Or Is It Just Canada?
Never Mind.
Why Would Chicken Noodle Soup Have Chocolate?
“Silly me, you are right my little Gumdrop.
Well, let’s go find the Head Honcho.”
JOHNNYSGIRL
ELLO, Mayoress Idzy! Whatcha doing?
IDZY
My my, look what the cat dragged in.
Not Kitten the Cat as she doesn’t drag anything in
because well, she’s not a drag nor a draggee,
or would that be a dragger?
But that sounds too much like something Shooter
would say, isn’t it….you know…Shoot-her…Drag-her.
Never mind, not making any sense and
if I am making any sense to you then
you best explain it to me because well
…ha ha…who knows…
glad you’re here at the Circus.
So come to get your car washed?
That’s what I’m manning…not manning,
as I am a woman,
at least I was when I looked in the mirror this morning,
but not Sweeney’s mirror.
Have you seen that thing?
He should go get it fixed.
Not flattering at all..
JG
Mayor Idzy, Ello?
IDZY
Uh? Oh hi JG. How you been?
Been here long?
How about that car wash?
I created my own style, quick fast and easy.
Take a look.
Here comes Fanny now to demonstrate.
FANNY
Out of my way Paste Head!
MR BILL
Ohhhhh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
xxxSPLATxxxx
FANNY
Told him to get his Playdough ass
out of my way…
Hey! Snooze you lose
and you lost big time dude!
Here we go Idzy!
“I tell ya Fanny, next time you offer me a ride….don’t.
TRUD
Oh My Miss Fanny.
You And Mr Wood Are Quite Wet.
I Was Wondering If Any Of You Can Help Me
Find That Wonderful Man?
WOOD
Let me think TruD…Where would he be?
Where would he be?
IDZY
Perhaps you can find him over at Eps car rides.
Just look for the moving sign.
TRUD
Thank You So Very Much Mayor Idzy,
I Will Give That A Try!
EPS BUMPING HUMPING CARS
EPS
Afternoon TruD.
Care to take a spin in my special Humpity Bumpitys?
Just 4 tickets. Pick any car you want,
each one comes with its own driver.
TRUD
Oh My I Was Going To Say No,
But You Have Such A Fun Looking Ride Here.
Let Me Take A Look
TRUD
They All Look Good But I Really Have
To Get Back To My Mission Of Finding Mr Johnny.
EPS
No problem TruD.
Come back when you have more time.
As far as finding the Founding Father,
go check out DepputizedME’s booth.
She’s selling flaming Mai Tais.
I think Jack is helping her.
ME’S MARVELOUS MAI TAI’S BOOTH
“No good! No good!”
*Jack runs off,
runs into DRAM holding screaming baby*
“Where did you get THAT?”
DRAM
I’m in charge of Missing Children Tent.
Here, Jack, take this baby and sing
The Nanny Sucky, Ducky, Mucky Song
“Uhmmmm….no”
DRAM
Come on Jack.
It’s the right thing to do.
JACK
Oh everyone knows how Ol’Jack
feels about the right things to do…
as they go by
oh…who is that running at us?
WILLIAM
I believe it’s ME, Jack.
JACK
Can’t be you Will, you’re right here.
WILLIAM
No, not me…listen..I believe that’s M-E.
ME (running, carrying flaming MaiTai)
Jack! Get your little tush back here! NOW!
“Gotta go Dram!”
*TRUD meantime has found herself in the
The QUIET PIRATE MUSIC TENT*
TRUD
Hello QP. I Do Not Mean To Disturb You.
I See You Are Busy With All These Wonderful Men.
QP
Yes TruD, these are my guitar instructors.
TRUD
Oh My QP! All Of Them!
QP
Yes, one for every string…
First String
Second String
Third String
Fourth String
Fifth String
and Sixth String
You should see it when I play them all at once.
TRUD
Oh My!
QP
My guitar strings, TruD, my guitar strings.
TRUD
Oh Yes, I Knew That. Ok I Must Be Off!
Good Bye QP
QP
See ya!
KAT’S PIRATE PINBALL GALLERY
KAT
Welcome TruD, what can I do you for?
TRUD
Hello Kat. Your Sign Said Pirate Pinball.
But I Don’t See Any Pinball Machines.
KAT
That’s because there aren’t any machines…
I got the real deal, watch me play.
“That’s it Kat…push the bumpers to move the plunger…
watch t’hole love!
Now give me a nudge, the way Wilma taught ye!
Don’t forget the bangback to save me ball! Score!
KAT
And that’s the way it’s done!
TRUD
Oh What A Fine Player You Are Kat!
I Must Come Back And Play My Own Game.
But Right Now I Must Be On My Way.
THE MIGHTY BELL SMACKDOWN
MOHO
Come on Mort, try to win me a prize, pretty please?
MORT
“I’ll give it a try for you Mo”
“takes swing”
“I can’t believe I missed!
It must be one of those Rubber Necker Mallets”
MOHO
Oh give me the hammer, Mort.
*Takes swing*
“Damn, that was H-I-G-H Mo!
MOHO
Here’s your prize baby
Now how about you and I “slinky” away somewhere cozy?
FIRST AID TENT
JG
Nurse Rusty! Nurse Rusty
RUSTY
Stop poking me JG…and I’m not a nurse.
I’m just filling
In while the real nurse is on break.
Besides, can’t you see
I have my hands full here?
That one has a sore throat
*puts rum in sippy cup*
Someone has a rash…where’d you say it was?
*puts rum in salve and applies*
JG
And what is wrong with you?
“I have a splinter in my finger”
JG
Then why are you just wearing a blanket?
RUSTY
Splinters! Nasty things! Could be anywhere!
Have to do a thorough check you know!
Now what do you need.
JG
Not me, him.
*Holds out smashed mess of white/blue/red doughy stuff*
RUSTY
What is that?
JG
Mr Bill
RUSTY
What happened to him?
JG
Fanny.
RUSTY
Never mind.
Put him over in the sink and wash him up
and
No! JG not that button that’s the garbage disposal…
MR BILL
Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
RUSTY
Well, we’re done here!
Let’s go catch the concert!
CONCERT TENT
TRUD
Hello Roux.
Are You Going To Go Into The Concert?
ROUX
I am collecting the concert tickets
in hopes that soon Babs will arrive.
Have you seen her?
TRUD
Indeed I Have Roux!
I Saw Jack Take Her Inside.
I Think The Captain Was Helping Her.
She Must Have Been Very Tired
Because He Was Carrying Her Over His Shoulder.
The Captain you say? Thanks TruD.
If there’s anything I can help you with, just ask.
TRUD
As A Matter Of Fact, I Have Been Carrying
This Crock Pot Of Chicken Soup All Day Trying
To Find Our Founding Father,
But I Have Not Had Any Luck,
So If You Would Like You May Have It…
ROUX
Well, TruD, this is your lucky night.
I just took his ticket for the concert.
He is inside in the VIP box.
He heard you were looking for him and said to join him.
TRUD
Oh That Is Most Wonderful Roux!
I Shall Do That Right Now.
Thank You Roux!
I Hope You Find Babs With The Captain!
I hope she didn’t mean it the way it sounded?
DEBB
Welcome Hunnies!
HUNNIES
Welcome Debb!
DEBB
I see our Founding Father is here.
How’s TruD’s Chicken Noodle Soup, sir?
Awwe,that’s nice. He said it brought him to his knees and has ordered 10 more crock pots! Way to go TruD!
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
DEBB
It’s a grand month to be celebrating.
We had Fourth of July and Canada Day all in one week.
FANNY (rushing stage, pulling at short shorts)
And I shall now sing in my dulcet tones,
the national song of my country…
HUNNIES
Down in front Fanny!
FANNY
Fine! Have it your way!
You’re all going to miss a treat and believe me,
I won’t sing it later no matter how much you beg!
Ok, maybe for you…later…private show.
Alright, stage is all yours Debb.
Good thing I didn’t sing, cuz I’m a hard act to follow.
Hey! Where you going???
Bring him back here…I got a few bars to hum for him.
I’m good at humming.
Get back here you!
DEBB
Ok, then, thanks Fanny
and again thanks all for coming to the
First Annual LaJae Circus.
Miss LaJae has promised a portion of the proceeds
will be donated to PINKIES INC.
A charity that will help Newbies train those pinkie fingers.
Thank you LaJae.
So the Triple Threat Trio is here tonight..
*Hunnies scream and shout, holding their pinkies high*
DEBB
And our special guest…Phil Collins…
PHIL
“Thanks for the warm welcome Hunnies…the song I will be helping with tonight
I understand relates to NG…so….
Count us down…1 and 2 and 1, 2 , 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae7c6JCYKyY
Hot sun beating down
burning my feet just walking around.
Hot sun making me sweat
'Gators getting close, hasn't got me yet
I can't dance,
I can't talk.
Only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling everything.
Blue jeans sitting on the beach,
her dog's talking to me, but she's out of reach.
She's got a body under that shirt,
but all she wants to do is rub my face in the dirt.
Cos, I can't dance,
I can't talk.
Only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling.
Oh and checking everything is in place,
you never know who's looking on.
Young punk spilling beer on my shoes,
fat guy's talking to me trying to steal my blues.
Thick smoke, see her smiling through.
I never thought so much could happen just shooting pool.
But I can't dance,
I can't talk.
The only thing about me is the way that I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling
Oh and checking everything is in place
You never know who's looking on
A perfect body with a perfect face - uh-huh.
No, I can't dance,
I can't talk.
The only thing about me is the way I walk.
No, I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling everything.
But I can walk.
No I can't dance.
No no no I can't dance
No I said I can't sing.
But I can walk.
HUNNIES
*rise from chairs and dance out tent*
“We can’t dance, no we can’t sing…but we can walk…*
PHIL
Well, Debb, I think they like that song. What do you think NG?
NG
To tell you the truth, it’s not that I can’t dance. I choose not to.
PHIL
Oh yeah? Prove it!
*NG grabs one of Wilmot’s walking sticks…Sam’s hat…tap dances in place then off stage*
PHIL
Boy is my face red.
DEBB
Yeah, and the really weird thing is…he tap dances barefoot. Haven’t
Figure that one out yet. Well, guess I’ll soft shoe it out of here as well.
Been swell Phil!
*soft shoes off stage*
“I GOT IT ALL ON TAPE! THESE ARE GONNA SELL LIKE EPS HOTCAKES!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae7c6JCYKyY
DEPPVILLE CIRCUS
LEJAE
Welcome! One and all to LeJae’s Life Circus!
FANNY (tugging at short shorts)
Rusty said you got elephants.
You know I hate elephants!
Especially dancing ones.
What the!!!
LEJAE
They’re fake Fanny.
FANNY
I see that. But my life flashed before me and
Thought they dragged that damn statue from
the museum over here.
You know the one they unveiled last month.
LEJAE
Yes, I’ve seen it. No, no. Nothing to fear.
In fact,
We are a peanut-free circus.
BABS
No nuts? That’s not right. Just saying.
LEJAE
Didn’t say that either Babs, but I digress.
Just go on in, the opening show has started.
Don’t forget to try all the rides and amusements later.
TRUDY
Excuse Me Miss LeJae.
Have You Seen Our Fine Founder?
I Have Been All Over Town Trying to Catch Him.
LEJAE
Well, TruD, take a peek inside.
I think he has box seats.
*Babs, Fanny, TruD head in*
(INSIDE THE TENT)
RINGMASTER
HUN-NIES! And Gentleman!
FANNY
What the fuck? That’s no Ringmaster.
He doesn’t even have a red coat on.
What dog-and-pony act is this?
GILBERT
Now Fanny, LeJae hires the locals.
Keeps us bizy, bizy, bizy, okay?
Now I think an apology is in order.
FANNY
Oh damn it, if I have to.
GILBERT
I meant LeJae.
FANNY
Sorry Toots…I draw the line…
I might share a bed with the Barrista here
And have JJDI’s back but I ain’t kissing the Jaester.
Let’s go find our seats.
Babs? Babs?
Oh hell, she fell asleep again.
Someone help me get this woman to her seat?
JACK
“I got her luv!”
FANNY
Good you got her, just watch the afro.
JACK
No problems Fanny.
Afro her over me shoulders…see…
FANNY
Not what I meant but; yeah, sure,
whatever, as long as you get the job done
GILBERT
For our first act….
The Dancing Bear!
WENCHIE
I’m sorry but does it qualify as dancing if it’s a bear?
Do bears dance?
“Excuse me, I think I can clarify that for you”
*starts swinging Wenchie around*
TRUD
Wenchie My Dearest, Please Stop Dancing
With That Bear Or Are You Part
Of The Act? I Need Your Help!
I Can’t Find The Founder.”
WENCHIE (as Baloo swings her around)
WHO cant’ you find?
WILMA
Oh dear, is WHO lost again?
(TruD turns around to face Wilma, in the company of…)
TRUD
Oh My Miss Wilma! Who Are Your Friends?
WILMA
That’s not WHO TruD, but they are WHATS
I bought one yesterday at Choc’s Shoppe
to help me do housework and this morning
I woke up to find a dozen of them.
“Based on their appearance,
I would say they belong in TruD’s pot.”
TRUD
Oh Mr T! I Told You Before That’s a CROCK Pot!
You Are So Very Naughty!
What Do You Have There?
*hides behind back”
Nothing, of course!
CHOCOLAT
Mr Sweeney Todd! You snipped my parsley!
I saw you…you were snipping! Yes,sir
You snipped my parsley!
“Begging the lady’s pardon,
but after that special soothing skin massage yesterday,
your parsley was already snipped.”
EVERYONE
WHAT!
CHOCOLAT
Tee Hee
“Did someone need their parsley snipped?
*TruD, Wilma, Choc and Wenchie go running off*
TAD
Mr Snippy Fingers, I am suppose to be meeting
my college friend Chofy.
Have you seen her?
SNIPPY *Pointing*
Try Jenny’s HoeGarden Drink Tent.
I think she’s over there drinking with
Founding Father.
TAD
Thanks. I’ll have to text my buddy,
let him tell TruD to try the Garden too.
By the way, are you related to Edward Scissorhands?
I swear
You could be brothers.
SNIPPY
Get that a lot. No.
But I am a distant relative of Mr Todd
(Across the Midway)
“Geesh, TAD picks the most inopportune time to buzz me.”
“TruD, come here love.
TAD said to head over to Jenny’s tent”
TRUD
Thank You I Will Do That Right Now!
JENNY’S HOEGARDEN ‘DRINK UP ME HEARTIES’ TENT
TRUD
Hello NG…You Are Working For Jenny?
NG
Happy 4th, TruD. I am volunteering for Jenny today.
Something about my naked arms.
Don’t know what that has to do with serving drinks.
Here, give this a try.
*Helps TruD sip from glass*
TRUD
That Is Very Fine, Thank You NG,
But I Must Be Off To Find Our Founder.
NG
Maybe go over to the rides.
He might be over there.
(Over At the Rides Midway)
CC
Oh! Look! I want to ride Beanie’s Green Flash!
“Line starts there cc. That will be 6 tickets.”
CC
Six! But the sign says 2!
TICKET TAKER
But what about your two friends?
*CC turns around to find….*
“I couldn’t reach the Ticket Box to buy tickets, Mama CC”
*CC turns to next one*
CC
Oh never mind. I’ll pay for their ride.
But I’m calling shotgun.
KITTEN
I call Jack’s pocket!
But I’m Captain Jack Sparrow…
I should be in the front.
*all climb in…CC in front…Jack in back…
Kitten in pocket…ride takes off,
take a few spins…ride ends*
KITTEN
Jack! Jack!
I am feeling wet..what happened out there?
“Sorry me wet little pussy,
but it appears CC missed the window again”
*THE BEAN PATCH*
“Excuse me,
but my friend and I were told this was the
best patcher place in Deppville.
You guys can slap on a patch in no time flat
without pricking once.”
BEANIE
OH! That would be me!
I can help your friend!
PATCHED GUY
Uhmmm, Miss Beanie…
I didn’t need patching this minute.
SBMad
Oh her bad!
Then just let me clean your dangly for you?
*wipes away*
There! Good as new!
PATCHED GUY
I didn’t have a dangly, Miss Lara.
SBMAd
That’s your opinion.
*takes another swipe*
*THE SWISS STICK SHACK*
I must request a refund JJDI
JJDI
A refund m’Lord? Whatever for?
WILMOT
It did not perform as verily as expected.
JJDI
Perform? What else do you do sir,
with a walking stick besides walk?
JJDI
Oh my, I see. Well, allow me to give you lessons
on using this one properly.
Walk that way.
Now stand this way
Now walk that way.
WILMOT
Madam! I do not see the point
of this walking back and forth,
nor standing such.
What good does it do me?
JJDI
Oh, you wanted it to benefit you?
I’m sorry Wilmot.
Sometimes a stick is just a stick.
“I beg to differ….
allow me to show you my own personal ‘stick’”
(Later at Choc’s)“And then she said, “sometimes a stick is just a stick”
but we know better don’t we?
*PUDDLES DUNKING TANK*
Vianne, FaveD, Celine, Kat, Aggie, Pricesa
*great amount of splashing going on in Dunking Tank*
TRUD
Afternoon You Fine Ladies. What Is The Inspector
Doing In The Dunking Tank?*
PRICESA
Actually, Smitten came running up to the Tank
yelling something about Ice Cube Bra,
jumped in and hasn’t come up since.
Abberline's been trying to find her.
TRUD
I Was Wondering If Any Of You Can Point Me
In The Right Direction.
I Have Been Trying To Find Our Founding Father.
VIANNE
There’s Willie. Maybe he can help you.
*explain to Willie what TruD needs*
“Let’s skeedoo Dollface and jive over to the Midway
and see if we can lay our peepers on him.
You got something there for our Main Man?”
TRUD
I Do. I Have This …
*glances around for Sweeney*
Crock Pot Meal For Him. See?
“To quote Mr T, what is that?”
TRUD
Why Are You Making That Face Mr. Wonka?
That’s Not Very Nice.
WILLIE
There doesn’t appear to be any chocolate in it?
TRUD
Oh Mr Wonka! You Are A Silly Goose.
Not A Canadian Goose.
Or Is It Just Canada?
Never Mind.
Why Would Chicken Noodle Soup Have Chocolate?
“Silly me, you are right my little Gumdrop.
Well, let’s go find the Head Honcho.”
JOHNNYSGIRL
ELLO, Mayoress Idzy! Whatcha doing?
IDZY
My my, look what the cat dragged in.
Not Kitten the Cat as she doesn’t drag anything in
because well, she’s not a drag nor a draggee,
or would that be a dragger?
But that sounds too much like something Shooter
would say, isn’t it….you know…Shoot-her…Drag-her.
Never mind, not making any sense and
if I am making any sense to you then
you best explain it to me because well
…ha ha…who knows…
glad you’re here at the Circus.
So come to get your car washed?
That’s what I’m manning…not manning,
as I am a woman,
at least I was when I looked in the mirror this morning,
but not Sweeney’s mirror.
Have you seen that thing?
He should go get it fixed.
Not flattering at all..
JG
Mayor Idzy, Ello?
IDZY
Uh? Oh hi JG. How you been?
Been here long?
How about that car wash?
I created my own style, quick fast and easy.
Take a look.
Here comes Fanny now to demonstrate.
FANNY
Out of my way Paste Head!
MR BILL
Ohhhhh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
xxxSPLATxxxx
FANNY
Told him to get his Playdough ass
out of my way…
Hey! Snooze you lose
and you lost big time dude!
Here we go Idzy!
“I tell ya Fanny, next time you offer me a ride….don’t.
TRUD
Oh My Miss Fanny.
You And Mr Wood Are Quite Wet.
I Was Wondering If Any Of You Can Help Me
Find That Wonderful Man?
WOOD
Let me think TruD…Where would he be?
Where would he be?
IDZY
Perhaps you can find him over at Eps car rides.
Just look for the moving sign.
TRUD
Thank You So Very Much Mayor Idzy,
I Will Give That A Try!
EPS BUMPING HUMPING CARS
EPS
Afternoon TruD.
Care to take a spin in my special Humpity Bumpitys?
Just 4 tickets. Pick any car you want,
each one comes with its own driver.
TRUD
Oh My I Was Going To Say No,
But You Have Such A Fun Looking Ride Here.
Let Me Take A Look
TRUD
They All Look Good But I Really Have
To Get Back To My Mission Of Finding Mr Johnny.
EPS
No problem TruD.
Come back when you have more time.
As far as finding the Founding Father,
go check out DepputizedME’s booth.
She’s selling flaming Mai Tais.
I think Jack is helping her.
ME’S MARVELOUS MAI TAI’S BOOTH
“No good! No good!”
*Jack runs off,
runs into DRAM holding screaming baby*
“Where did you get THAT?”
DRAM
I’m in charge of Missing Children Tent.
Here, Jack, take this baby and sing
The Nanny Sucky, Ducky, Mucky Song
“Uhmmmm….no”
DRAM
Come on Jack.
It’s the right thing to do.
JACK
Oh everyone knows how Ol’Jack
feels about the right things to do…
as they go by
oh…who is that running at us?
WILLIAM
I believe it’s ME, Jack.
JACK
Can’t be you Will, you’re right here.
WILLIAM
No, not me…listen..I believe that’s M-E.
ME (running, carrying flaming MaiTai)
Jack! Get your little tush back here! NOW!
“Gotta go Dram!”
*TRUD meantime has found herself in the
The QUIET PIRATE MUSIC TENT*
TRUD
Hello QP. I Do Not Mean To Disturb You.
I See You Are Busy With All These Wonderful Men.
QP
Yes TruD, these are my guitar instructors.
TRUD
Oh My QP! All Of Them!
QP
Yes, one for every string…
First String
Second String
Third String
Fourth String
Fifth String
and Sixth String
You should see it when I play them all at once.
TRUD
Oh My!
QP
My guitar strings, TruD, my guitar strings.
TRUD
Oh Yes, I Knew That. Ok I Must Be Off!
Good Bye QP
QP
See ya!
KAT’S PIRATE PINBALL GALLERY
KAT
Welcome TruD, what can I do you for?
TRUD
Hello Kat. Your Sign Said Pirate Pinball.
But I Don’t See Any Pinball Machines.
KAT
That’s because there aren’t any machines…
I got the real deal, watch me play.
“That’s it Kat…push the bumpers to move the plunger…
watch t’hole love!
Now give me a nudge, the way Wilma taught ye!
Don’t forget the bangback to save me ball! Score!
KAT
And that’s the way it’s done!
TRUD
Oh What A Fine Player You Are Kat!
I Must Come Back And Play My Own Game.
But Right Now I Must Be On My Way.
THE MIGHTY BELL SMACKDOWN
MOHO
Come on Mort, try to win me a prize, pretty please?
MORT
“I’ll give it a try for you Mo”
“takes swing”
“I can’t believe I missed!
It must be one of those Rubber Necker Mallets”
MOHO
Oh give me the hammer, Mort.
*Takes swing*
“Damn, that was H-I-G-H Mo!
MOHO
Here’s your prize baby
Now how about you and I “slinky” away somewhere cozy?
FIRST AID TENT
JG
Nurse Rusty! Nurse Rusty
RUSTY
Stop poking me JG…and I’m not a nurse.
I’m just filling
In while the real nurse is on break.
Besides, can’t you see
I have my hands full here?
That one has a sore throat
*puts rum in sippy cup*
Someone has a rash…where’d you say it was?
*puts rum in salve and applies*
JG
And what is wrong with you?
“I have a splinter in my finger”
JG
Then why are you just wearing a blanket?
RUSTY
Splinters! Nasty things! Could be anywhere!
Have to do a thorough check you know!
Now what do you need.
JG
Not me, him.
*Holds out smashed mess of white/blue/red doughy stuff*
RUSTY
What is that?
JG
Mr Bill
RUSTY
What happened to him?
JG
Fanny.
RUSTY
Never mind.
Put him over in the sink and wash him up
and
No! JG not that button that’s the garbage disposal…
MR BILL
Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
RUSTY
Well, we’re done here!
Let’s go catch the concert!
CONCERT TENT
TRUD
Hello Roux.
Are You Going To Go Into The Concert?
ROUX
I am collecting the concert tickets
in hopes that soon Babs will arrive.
Have you seen her?
TRUD
Indeed I Have Roux!
I Saw Jack Take Her Inside.
I Think The Captain Was Helping Her.
She Must Have Been Very Tired
Because He Was Carrying Her Over His Shoulder.
The Captain you say? Thanks TruD.
If there’s anything I can help you with, just ask.
TRUD
As A Matter Of Fact, I Have Been Carrying
This Crock Pot Of Chicken Soup All Day Trying
To Find Our Founding Father,
But I Have Not Had Any Luck,
So If You Would Like You May Have It…
ROUX
Well, TruD, this is your lucky night.
I just took his ticket for the concert.
He is inside in the VIP box.
He heard you were looking for him and said to join him.
TRUD
Oh That Is Most Wonderful Roux!
I Shall Do That Right Now.
Thank You Roux!
I Hope You Find Babs With The Captain!
I hope she didn’t mean it the way it sounded?
DEBB
Welcome Hunnies!
HUNNIES
Welcome Debb!
DEBB
I see our Founding Father is here.
How’s TruD’s Chicken Noodle Soup, sir?
Awwe,that’s nice. He said it brought him to his knees and has ordered 10 more crock pots! Way to go TruD!
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE APPLAUSE
DEBB
It’s a grand month to be celebrating.
We had Fourth of July and Canada Day all in one week.
FANNY (rushing stage, pulling at short shorts)
And I shall now sing in my dulcet tones,
the national song of my country…
HUNNIES
Down in front Fanny!
FANNY
Fine! Have it your way!
You’re all going to miss a treat and believe me,
I won’t sing it later no matter how much you beg!
Ok, maybe for you…later…private show.
Alright, stage is all yours Debb.
Good thing I didn’t sing, cuz I’m a hard act to follow.
Hey! Where you going???
Bring him back here…I got a few bars to hum for him.
I’m good at humming.
Get back here you!
DEBB
Ok, then, thanks Fanny
and again thanks all for coming to the
First Annual LaJae Circus.
Miss LaJae has promised a portion of the proceeds
will be donated to PINKIES INC.
A charity that will help Newbies train those pinkie fingers.
Thank you LaJae.
So the Triple Threat Trio is here tonight..
*Hunnies scream and shout, holding their pinkies high*
DEBB
And our special guest…Phil Collins…
PHIL
“Thanks for the warm welcome Hunnies…the song I will be helping with tonight
I understand relates to NG…so….
Count us down…1 and 2 and 1, 2 , 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae7c6JCYKyY
Hot sun beating down
burning my feet just walking around.
Hot sun making me sweat
'Gators getting close, hasn't got me yet
I can't dance,
I can't talk.
Only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling everything.
Blue jeans sitting on the beach,
her dog's talking to me, but she's out of reach.
She's got a body under that shirt,
but all she wants to do is rub my face in the dirt.
Cos, I can't dance,
I can't talk.
Only thing about me is the way I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling.
Oh and checking everything is in place,
you never know who's looking on.
Young punk spilling beer on my shoes,
fat guy's talking to me trying to steal my blues.
Thick smoke, see her smiling through.
I never thought so much could happen just shooting pool.
But I can't dance,
I can't talk.
The only thing about me is the way that I walk.
I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling
Oh and checking everything is in place
You never know who's looking on
A perfect body with a perfect face - uh-huh.
No, I can't dance,
I can't talk.
The only thing about me is the way I walk.
No, I can't dance,
I can't sing
I'm just standing here selling everything.
But I can walk.
No I can't dance.
No no no I can't dance
No I said I can't sing.
But I can walk.
HUNNIES
*rise from chairs and dance out tent*
“We can’t dance, no we can’t sing…but we can walk…*
PHIL
Well, Debb, I think they like that song. What do you think NG?
NG
To tell you the truth, it’s not that I can’t dance. I choose not to.
PHIL
Oh yeah? Prove it!
*NG grabs one of Wilmot’s walking sticks…Sam’s hat…tap dances in place then off stage*
PHIL
Boy is my face red.
DEBB
Yeah, and the really weird thing is…he tap dances barefoot. Haven’t
Figure that one out yet. Well, guess I’ll soft shoe it out of here as well.
Been swell Phil!
*soft shoes off stage*
“I GOT IT ALL ON TAPE! THESE ARE GONNA SELL LIKE EPS HOTCAKES!”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae7c6JCYKyY
A wonderful read!
Thanks so much! 
Thank You Thank You Debb!!!
